Loss of husband

Lost my husband a few months ago, step children and grandchildren turned away, our son won’t contact me, so I can’t see my grandchildren, and I can’t figure out why, and everyday I get up wondering why, most days are spent alone, I am not able to work, financially not able to take trips, so days are long, married 33 yrs and when we worked we worked together and pretty much were always together. I am scared, have had to handle things meant for a man to handle, wish it was all just a bad dream. I feel like my life ended when he died of cancer. He was everything to me, how do you go on? I see people together with their loved ones, so happy, the Christmas songs tear my heart out, tonight is the night all of us came together to exchange gifts And now it’s all over. And to think that this is my life from now on is nearly unbearable.

Your story is so sad lost my partner suddenly in May he was only 48. I have 2 boys who are still in bed just opened some of my presents then I cried. Hated hearing the Christmas songs today is just another day to me the day James died I felt I lost a limb my life changed forever. All the things we did as a couple gone. I hope your son gets in contact with you. Do you have any other relatives or friends to speak too.
Christine x

I have no family except my husband’s family where I live. Mine live in other states. Others that we know have their own lives, my step kids are grown, married and have their children which were my life for 33yrs. They have made it plain that I am on my own, I’m just trying to figure out how to live. I lost me when I lost my husband. How do you start a new life?

Oh Twinkles my heart breaks for you. I have been through the same thing, being dropped like a hot potato after 34 years. I couldn’t understand it and I still don’t. I sold the house and moved across the country to live with my daughter. I also changed my will. I was hurt and angry and bewildered. I hope things get better for you soon.

I try and get through one day at a time. I want my old life back I try not to think of the future im only 50 and I feel cheated. Sending a big hug to you I hope things get better for you.
Christine x

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Christine, one day at a time is what I would like to do, hard not to look ahead though. I had so much to tend to when he passed, then my roof started keaking, car and truck tore up and it really magnified my loss and hurt from four men( steps, and a son) who offered me no help. I feel cheated too, I am 58. Thanks for your care and concern. I feel for you too. Hugs to ya.

Shirls, I have thought about doing what you did. And I may one day, did it help to leave the area? Are things better now? I really can’t hardly believe that this is my life now after 33 yrs plus of being with my husband, my best friend, and his kids and our son, and now it’s all gone. It’s really horrible.

Hi Twinkles it has helped a lot to leave the town where I brought up my step children. They only lived five minutes away and I kept hoping and hoping. I sold all the furniture and appliances and donated truckloads of stuff to the hospice shop. Once the house was sold and I moved to completely new surroundings I felt bereft all over again but after a few months I started to feel better. Strangely enough I still keep in contact with my daughter-in-law’s Mom who was also just recently widowed. But it was over a year after my husband’s death that I could bring myself to do all that so don’t rush into things. Maybe your path will be different.

Hi, Just wanted to reach out to you as I’m so sorry to read what you have written. Seems very cruel to me what your step children have done, I’m sure your late husband would be absolutely horrified by the way you have been treated. Its enough to deal with bereavement without all these additional problems.
I know what you say about feeling scared, I felt exactly the same when my lovely husband passed away in November 2017.
So many things to deal with and all so frightening. I seemed to have a catalogue of things going wrong at home, which William would have dealt with, but now its all down to me.
I have managed to “survive” just over a year and some days I feel strong and other days not so strong!!
Too many days alone are not great, it gives you too much time to dwell on things. I know its not easy, but try to get out if you can. I have found keeping busy, even a short walk helps to occupy my mind.
Thinking of you and sending you a big hug. Take care of yourself
Elaine x

Hello Elaine and Twinkles
Hope 2019 will be easier for you all. Yesterday I was in the supermarket and remembering New Year’s Eve 2014 when my husband was in the ICU and suddenly started crying. Never finished my list, just paid and got out of there. I’m glad the rah rah holidays are over for another year.

Hello, Thank you, I hope it will be easier for you too. I’m also glad Christmas & New Year are over, it has to be the hardest time of the year for everyone whose lost someone they love.
Best wishes Elaine x

Thank you

I am glad they are over too.

My Goodness, Your comments could just be mine. I too lost my beloved husband in November also from Cancer. I cared for him single handed until the end and wouldn’t have had it any other way. We was together 30 years. He was my best friend and soul mate. His children from first marriage have also cut me dead, although there had never been any problems. They won’t reply to letters or phone and the rest of his family don’t seem to be any different. What could I have done. And what do I do now. If I try to contact them again it will be purely for their father. Although he didn’t want to see them at the end and I have no idea why. Except that they hadn’t contacted him for a long time although they live locally, grandchildren didn’t even come to his funeral. My side all came, they loved him. So any advice on what to do next about his children who are in their forties and fifties so not kids.
Like you I am scared of life and yet thought I was a toughie. Now I’m a wreck. Keeping busy but crying all the time. Only my dogs keep me sane.

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Pattidot there’s not much you can do about adult step children who seem to have written you off for no reason. As far as mine go I think they are self centred little gits and I’m not going to beg them to stay in contact. I have dreams at night about them and we’re all together and happy again then I wake up and realize those are just wish dreams. I know it hurts but I’m sure it’s nothing you’ve done or said. I’m finally learning to let them go and wish them well in my heart.

My sentiments exactly. Their behaviour is disgusting. Not one second of their time in support or help. One more letter wishing them well and then forget them if no response. The Will soon to be updated they might be lucky and get 1p each, perhaps that’s the problem they expected to be mentioned in his will. If they had bothered to visit or call their father they might just have noticed how frail he was becoming. We never burdened them. Yet treat me like this. Who do they think they are. Guess what I’m becoming angry now.

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I see I am not the only one to deal with this.
Now I have developed health issues from lack of sleep, fluctuations in my blood pressure, and just trying to cope.
What did I do to cause all of this, to have a horrible life ahead, one of loneliness, living in sorrow and suffering. I hear people’s stories of how the first five yrs was horrible. One family member said she had no reasons to go on until 16 ys later when a special grandchild was born. It’s hard to comprehend living in misery for years and years, no family, very few friends, I have a good church and I can call them, but they have their own lives, like I used to have, so I have a lot to deal with. When my husband’s life ended, so did mine, only difference he gets to rest and I live in constant agony. I loved him so much, it’s just unbearable.

I feel certain that your health suffers following bereavement. Its such a terrific drain on your body and then there is the lack of sleep, which again, contributes eventually to poorer health.
Its just over a year since my husband of 46 years passed away, and my health has not been great since I lost the love of my life…
To have the added pressure of Stepchildren who behave so shockingly must be absolutely dreadful and its unforgivable.
I know what you are saying that your life ended when your husband died, its the hardest thing to deal with.
Please be kind to yourself, try to take care of yourself, its the only way you can eventually get through this nightmare.
You are not alone, so many people on this forum are listening to what you have to say and know exactly how you feel.
Elaine x

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Hello ladies, my sympathies to you, I’m sort of in the same boat, my lovely wife died nearly two years ago now, after forty six years, after suffering severe arthritis, topped off by contracting MND desease. I cared for her for the last few years, being now sixty seven years old, am retired and live on my own. I hate waking up to each day, no purpose now, I do try, go on long walks, visit gardens, ect, ect, but, never the same on your own.
I have very few friends, those I have, are married and have lives of there own. I have three grown up children and five grandchildren, live locally. But, unless I visit them, I would not see or hear from them. I was recently ill for a week, and although I coped, I didn’t get one phone call, or message from any of them, to find out where I was, and if ok.
It worries me, that if I was to have say, a fatal heart attack or other, nobody would find me for possibly days! Not that it would really matter to me as I would be dead.
Not good at all on your own, after years of family life. People have suggested finding another partner, but, how can you replace the person you loved, and still do love? Tis a horrible life now… John

Hello John, I feel for you, its so hard isn’t it? I think almost everyone who contributes on this forum understands every word you have written. Its such a difficult life without the one you truly love and want to be with. The problem is when you are in a wonderful, happy relationships, as you obviously were ~ and so was I, you don’t really need a lot of friends, you have all you want and life is content. When you are left alone, it really hits hard that you have both been happy to be “just the two of us”.
I don’t believe there are any easy answers, just try to take one day at a time and take care of yourself. I don’t know your relationship with your family John, but if I had five grandchildren living locally, I would make sure I was involved with them. I only have one grandson, aged 10, and I adore him. He lives about 18 miles away, but I make sure I get to see him at least once a week. I have lots of time on my hands and my favourite place to be is with my family.
Hope you are feeling much better now and thinking about you…
Elaine

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