I my hubby passed away 4 weeks tomorrow , the funeral is Friday it just does not seem real he had fought prostate cancer for 7 years , i feel so alone , and anxious and panicky .friends and family say were here if you need me but no-one comes round .
3 Likes
That is very hard no one comes round and you are all alone. It is really so hard the week leading up to the funeral. Do you feel unable to ring up and ask?
1 Like
Its not hard to call , just would be nice if they just popped round
1 Like
Hi Finesse, I’m so sorry to hear your husband lost his fight. I found the week before my husbands funeral very stressful. Generally people have no idea what to do after hearing of a loss, mostly I think if they are good people they feel like they don’t want to impose or intrude. No-one really knows what to do or say. Maybe you do need to make your need for company a bit clearer if you can, maybe if they call you could ask them to drop in for a cup of tea and make sure you get a day and time out of them. Once you can show that you’re open to visitors they should know where they are and should feel comfortable coming to see you even at the risk of you getting emotional, they should be good for a hug or two and reliving some good times. You all need to feel comfortable though so don’t feel pressured to see people you don’t want to. To some extent you can and should control who and when you see people, it definitely should be your choice. Inevitably there will be people you don’t want to see and hopefully they can be put off. Wishing you well for the day.
Hi @Finesse
I’m sorry for your loss. I agree with @Vjs and @Enorac that maybe you should let people know you would like them to call round. They may think you want to be alone. Although we all know that thats not what you want. Unfortunately people dont know what to say or do, and after the funeral a lot of them will think you’re ok now. Don’t be afrsid to let them know you’re not.
The run up to the funeral is surreal, but I did find it gave me something to focus on, mine went really well, and I’m sure yours will too.
Love and hugs
Finesse, they can’t cope with it, don’t know what to say. It teally isn’t as heartless as it seems. But it can make you feel neglected though. Only when you’ve lived through this can you really empathise. Thinking of you , sending love and strength. It’s coming up to the fourth anniversary of my husband’s sudden death and it’s all coming back even though I’m "getting on "with my new life. Take care x
Thankyou for the support i do feel quite emotional at the moment and dont know how i will cope with the funeral
1 Like
I was totally dreading my husband’s funeral.
I had 1 diazepam before the funeral.
This did help. It calmed me.
It did not dull the pain.
I did not feel out of it. I still cried during the service.
I know many people may not agree with taking a drug.
I can just write about what helped me.
Thinking of you x
1 Like
I think you do whatever helps you to cope and never mind what other people think.
I was dreading my husband’s funeral.
I look back and think I did best I could and wish I had felt stronger and more able to do better but I think well it is what is is. I have been down to his grave and the grass was all overgrown a d it looked a mess. I will have to go and sort it out. I wasn’t feeling like it and forgotten how quickly it gets like that. I still get sensitive about comments from other people. I didn’t like what they said.
But then they are not mind readers and know what to do. Some people seem to think their way is only way and we are all different.
1 Like
Thankyou ,one day at a time