Loss of influential head of family

I sadly lost my grandfather in November after a very short battle with cancer (1 month from diagnosis to death) I feel a lot of anger as my grandmother wasn’t given my grandfather the medication he needed (and was prescribed) to ease his suffering. I also feel anger that despite being very clear that when the time came to say goodbye I wanted to be informed and made sure everyone had my works number to get hold of me. Yet when the time came I wasnt informed until I arrived at the hospice for what I believed to be a visit. I was consumed by grief but distracted myself with Christmas and my partner about to start a new 6 month contract working overseas, then with a new job, then a holiday. But I still find that I am unable to talk about my grandad in any form without choking up and crying, he even appears frequently in my dreams. He was such an important part of my life, I saw him several times a week, spent all my Christmas’s at his house, he equipped me with so much knowledge and wisdom and was always someone I could go to for advice and support. My relationship with my parents isnt great and I always spent more time with my grandparents growing up. It’s been 6 months and I still dont feel like I am dealing with grief and need an outlet to express my feelings and hear from others about how best to move forward. Xxx

Hi Charlie, I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost your grandfather, and that you weren’t kept informed of what was happening at the time. Grief can cause all kinds of emotions, and anger can be a common reaction. It sounds as though your grandad was such an important part of your life.

I’m glad that you’ve found this site and I hope it helps even a tiny bit to be able to write things down here, especially if you are finding it’s hard to talk about him in real life. It is important to have outlets for your emotions. If you have a read of some of the other posts on this site, you’ll see that you aren’t alone and will get a sense of how others are coping and what they have found helpful.

If you have any questions about this site or there’s anything I can help with, you can get in touch with me at online.community@sueryder.org.

Community Manager

Hi Charlie, your grandad sounds a fantastic person and someone you looked up to. You know the anger that you have is part of grieving and please don’t be cross with your grandma because she would be thinking she was doing the right thing. Just remember him as you always knew him and not what he looked like in those last few days or hours. This grief thing tears us apart from inside out and at times we let it because it feels right but honestly all it does is make use feel worse and it becomes all consuming. Would your granddad want you to feel unhappy? or would he want you to go ahead and live a beautiful life? If I was your grandad I know what I would want you to do and you know that could be what he is trying to tell you appearing in your dreams, it’s just a thought. This grieving thing doesn’t have a time line or a end date, sometimes it’s down to the individual to think about the way ahead and find ways of living with all those memories and celebrate the good times. He really does sound a lovely gentleman and you were privileged to have him not only as your grandad but also as a friend. Think of him and let your anger go so those wonderful memories fill that space. Don’t worry about crying, we all do it and most who post on this site will be doing it while typing away, it’s ok to cry😢 . Please take extra care of yourself and try to be kind to yourself, you need to think about you. Blessings S