Loss of mum

I recently lost my mum . Had been diagnosed with dementia but last two months was in hospital treated for sepsis. After first hospital admission there was a complaint going in as my mum was neglected, the care was abysmal poor communication and discharged prematurely. Mum went into a nursing home for assessment but readmitted after two weeks with sepsis and dehydration. A safeguarding was raised and substantiated. In hospital second time we were told the weekend to prepare ourselves to lose her she pulled through then given a week to two weeks max. She continued to live 6 weeks but refused to eat or drink. Aggressive delirious. There was conflict with medics and family re treatment. Mum was then fast tracked for CHC and we had found a nursing home for her assessed and accepted the next day. However she passed away the day she was due to go. I was at work over 70 miles away and got the call having to return.
We were shocked.
My relationship was never a good one having moved away in 1987 full of conflict disagreement never felt I was loved.
With mums dementia eventually led me to move back to my home town Nov 2019. She had a fall in Dec 2019 and been in hospital until she passed away.
Some friends have sent their condolences one friend has completely blanked me and send a message to my sister instead saying sorry for your loss to you and your sister. I had known my friend for over 15 years and this was a further cut to my wound making me even more angry.
Am at a loss numb

Hello, Oz67,
Welcome to this wonderful forum, a place where none of the members wish to be.
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, mine became very difficult after my dad passed away, I couldn’t do right for doing wrong. I was the one who stayed in our home town, my brother lived and worked in London, he was very good, visiting when ever he could, my sister was completely different, she lived a long way away too, it took her all the time ring and ask how my dad was, needless to say when she did come “home”, the fatted calf was on offer.
Sometimes I believe that the older generation does not realise how difficult it is to get time off work etc. I have told our two that they must never ever put me first before their own work and families.
I cannot understand so-called friends who blank us at a time when we need all the compassion and understanding we can get. There is one thing for sure, you will receive compassion and understanding on this forum, it really does help.

Yes you are correct about this site, it’s what it does best, supporting everyone no matter what. when we loss someone, no matter who or what things in our life changes and people we thought we know are not always the same, I don’t understand it but when someone dies it seems to bring out the worst in some people, don’t worry about them, think for once about yourself and how you feel. You seem to have had an horrendous time and now you need to just think about yourself and your life, take time. Grief is a funny thing and we all have deal with it in different ways, our way, which ever that is.
Take care.

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