Hi,
I’ve just joined this community but I’ve been reading different posts on here for a week or so and realise I’m not alone though I feel like I am.
I lost my Mum 10 weeks ago suddenly and I’m devastated and heartbroken. We were so close and always have been, she was my best friend, she was 87. I am really struggling, I cry every day and it feels to be getting worse as the weeks go on. I think about her all the time, I loved her so much, she has always been a huge part of my (and my husband and sons) lives. I used to take her out numerous times a week to keep her active and keep her going. She was so lovely. I just don’t know how to cope with losing her. I feel so sad and vulnerable and like a child again. The pain inside is excrutiating and I don’t know what to do with it, It just keeps coming over me. I feel like a huge part of my world has ended and I can’t imagine ever feeling different as it just feels to be getting worse to me. People say ‘you will in time’ but then I think I may be one of those peoplee that struggles because I’m a very emotional sensitive person anyway. I always used to think I’d need sedating when anything happened to Mum but strangely I’m like a robot doing phsyical chores it’s just my head and my heart, I feel such a mess and the amount of tears I shed is unbelievable. I am going for some counselling but I wondered if anyone else feels like this.
Youre not alone @Rainbow11 - its 9 months since i lost my lovely mum (also 87) and im currently sobbing in the garden 
So much of what you have written describes how i feel about losing my mum. I totally relate to you feeling vulnerable and like a child again - i think thats normal for parental loss - its brings out the lost child in us 
And however much i cry my body always seems able to produce more tears! I remember back at that 2/3 month stage everything was truly excruciating and raw - the shock has worn off, the funeral is done and suddenly you’re left with this massive hole that nothing and no one can fill. My body literally ached to give my mum a hug All i can advise is just hang on, take it one day at a time. Let the tears flow - its healthier than suppressing it. Dont think about the future, its only going to arrive one day at a time, so just getting through today is enough 
Im probably not the person to give inspirational “it will get better” advice right now - i would say it gets different over time. Less raw (sometimes), less frequent (sometimes). Counselling has definitely helped me cope better, plus i found a local grief support group which was great. And posting here daily when youre having a tough time - there are so many people who are in a similar situation who understand. Sending hugs to you 
Thank you for the hugs and your reply Ally6 it is a help to talk with others who understand.
Hi @Rainbow11. I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum. it’s so sad. My mum also died suddenly and unexpectedly, we found her at home. It was 5 months ago. My mum wasn’t poorly, and she was only 74, so it has been such a horrific shock. I was in no way prepared for her death, and i never even considered it as she was so well. So for me its been utter shock and disbelief followed by devastation of realising i wont ever see her again. I dont think you can ever prepare yourself for death but loosing your mum is just the hardest thing ever. When you think they have been there from day 1, and for me i had her in my life for 51 years, how can you just get over it? I feel its fundamentally changed me, and all i can do is accept it, i cant change it and i cant let it destroy me so the only option is to carry on with this new reality of my life without mum. Counselling has definitely helped me, and also this group as it makes you realise what you are feeling is “normal”. Sending you hugs, and be kind to yourself
@Rainbow11 I am so sorry to hear about your mom. It shows how much your loved and cared for her. I too lost my mom last october and she had a cardiac arrest at midnight, she was just 56 and was worried about me because I had a big career setback, I still to date blame me, and I cry very often and even feel sick every month, I tried therapy, and it didn’t work. This community is helpful who actually understands, If you want to talk my DM are always open. Take care and keep posting and going out for a walk.
Thank you@varun for your reply. Try not to blame yourself, your Mum was bound to worry about you and your career setback, she would have wanted everything to be alright for you but that worry wouldn’t have caused her cardiac arrest. I’m sorry therapy hasn’t worked for you I’m due to have some and hoping to find something that can help me as I’m so lost. Do you think you could try therapy again? did you have the right person and what type of therapy was it I know there are different techniques.
I have just spent half an hour sobbing again, this overwhelming feeling just comes over me and takes me over again and again the tears are endless and I just don’t know what to do with myself if I’m on my own and crying. People try to be helpful by saying ‘your Mum wouldn’t have wanted to see you like this’ which she wouldn’t but it’s not that easy to take that on board. I feel sad, numb, bland and empty right now and like my world from before has been turned upside down.
I have walked quite a bit since Mum passed away, somehow I feel better being in nature than near shops or where there’s a lot of people. I just look at people happily getting on with their lives and feel like my life is on hold.
I will keep posting, you take care thankyou.
I was utterly devastated when I lost my Mum in 2013. I still miss her terribly, but normally, the pain isn’t as sharp as it used to be. I think that this is just down to a gradual acceptance. I lost so much when she died and the circumstances were awful too. I’m send love to you for what you’re going through x
Thanks for your kind words, I am trying my best, but at the moment can’t make good decisions and I am forever stuck, I work hard but my mind is troubling me, I need to figure out a way sooner.
Please please take care, do you have a family whom you can talk daily? I have experienced the same emotions you are going through but stay strong. Please be in nature as much as you can, it is the best healer. Thank you and take care
@Varun you take care too. I have a good husband and grown up sons to whom I talk and cry daily. I’m just not my usual self and don’t know when I ever will be again. I miss Mum, she would have been the person to help me in this situation, she would have helped me feel better. x
I’m very sorry for your loss. I feel the same way, almost 9 months after losing my dad. I still don’t know how to cope. We were so close too and life without him just isn’t the same or will ever be. Nothing ever prepares us for this, no matter how old our parents are. People try to be supportive by saying it will change in time, but we are all different and I think for some of us it’s much harder to find joy again. Maybe we feel too much, if there’s such a thing, but it colours our perspective now. I hope counselling will help you and I’m glad you have the support of your husband and your children. Sending love and hugs.
Hi rainbow11 sorry for your loss a long post, I know how you feel I’m currently going through it as well l lost my mum mid January this year to a short battle with cancer and only 70 I was a mess at the funeral and when I scattered my mum’s ashes end of June as my dad couldn’t do it. And during the past week been a mess again seeing the memorial stone placed it is really hard at work and getting through each day currently in the depression stage of the grief for the past few weeks but talking to others on here and reading about others in same situation is helping me slowly coming out of the depression stage. I know it’s really hard to try and stay strong I still have more bad days than good at the moment but I know that will change in time like it did when I lost my sister to cancer 3 years ago and it took me nearly 2 years to want to do a full day at work they also say think of good times and happy memories but it’s hard still at the moment
I feel your pain I lost my mum unexpectedly last April and 13 mths on I’m still struggling daily xxxx
Rolo1 alot of the time I feel empty and numb I don’t have many people who i can talk to about it so this community chat is helping and hopefully it will help you and others in the same situation
Thank you@Ulma, sorry for your loss too. I am hearing lots of people on here feeling the same way. I’ve realised that it’s going to be a different version of me. I feel like I haven’t an ounce of joy in me. I hope the counselling helps too, I’m trying eveything I can to help myself.
Thanks@Steve13 for sharing. I’m surprised on here how many are suffering like this I really did think it was just me to the extent that I’m feeling it. As I mentioned in an earlier post I’m like a robot doing autonomous stuff it’s just inside I’m a mess, full of sadness. Every memory I think of with Mum reduces me to tears. I’m trying to stay strong but such an emotional person it all has to come out with me.
Hi @Rolo1, there’s so many people posting that they’re still struggling a few years in. This pain I feel is excrutiating at times I don’t know what to do with it. Thanks for sharing. x
HI Loubeelou
I lost my mum coming up to 3 weeks ago now. She lived in Ireland and i did not get to say bye to her like the rest of my family did . I feel guilty about not going to see her . But i used to phone her once a month via whats app and send her photos of family gatherings or new babies . Any time i phoned she used to make me laugh she was a comdiean and did not know it . I lost my Dad over 7 years ago so losing my mum now i am an orphan as they say . i have days where i wake up thinking ive had a bad nightmare and then it hits me again . some days i get up and i just go out to a place my mum and dad took me as a child . i think of that as my happy place .
I am sorry for your loss loubeelou I wasn’t able to say goodbye to my sister as I was at work last time I saw her was on my birthday and since it was COVID lockdown family took it in turns at a weekend I was devastated that I couldn’t be there as i was very close to her thought we had longer and then I was with my mum when she passed and it was even more devastating im still realy struggling almost 7 months on at will take a long time try and stay strong
Hi @Loubeelou,
Sorry I didn’t respond earlier to you, I’m new to the site and finding my way around. I completely understand the shock and disbelief, same for me. I feel it’s fundamentally changed me too I will be another version of myself. My relationship with Mum was so strong I feel completely and utterly lost. Hugs to you too. Thankyou