I lost my 2 year old son to stage 4 Neuroblastoma/Cancer last year and I’m struggling to keep going. I have a daughter who I now live for and people say I should be grateful that I still have her, which I am! But that doesn’t take the pain of my sons death away. I’m 25 years old, how do I live the rest of my life carrying this pain?
Hi @Shae I am so so sorry for your loss. I don’t know if it’ll help to literally take it one day at a time. I have spoken to quite a few people lately going through this awful grief journey and it seems that the more we try & look into the future, the more pain we suffer as it forces us to confront the initial pain all over again and then some.
None of us knows what’s around the corner. I know that my grief will always be and it has changed me as a person overnight (a few months ago, I lost both parents within weeks of each other)
I go to very dark places in my head at times but I do keep telling myself it is part of the grief process.
I find keeping busy helps and just doing small things on a daily basis. You’re going to have days where you’ll want to stay in bed all day and cry and that’s ok.
Let the journey guide you, don’t resist any of the emotions that you feel.
I wish you all the best, big hugs xx
I’m so sorry for the loss of your son.
Although it may be well meaning saying you se be grateful you have your daughter is insensitive.
I lost my son 10 weeks ago and although I have a daughter that doesn’t take away the desolate feelings of loss for my son.
We just somehow have to survive this terrible loss.
We just have to live day by day and not think too much into the future. That is all we can do .
The compassionate friends run support groups throughout the uk for people who have lost children .
Do you think it would help to talk to others who understand ?
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve not lost a child so can’t even imagine the pain, other people’s comments always shock me, why would anyone say you should feel “grateful” in any way? pissed off/angry/devastated probably doesn’t even come close… grateful?? I hope you find some support from others on here who truly understand xx
Nothing will make the pain of the death of your son go away.
We can fill our days with distractions, but the pain will so often rise up again and often at times we least expect it.
Another child, another relationship, another anything, does not take away the pain and for anyone to suggest otherwise, often suggests a lack of understanding rather than a lack of care or kindness, because, only those of us who have lost a child, have any understanding of how that loss feels, yet for each of us the effects of that loss can be different.
In time and only when we can start to accept that we cannot change things can we face the future.
You will always carry the pain, please don’t try to escape it. It will be there with you, sometimes it will sit quietly in the background, other times, it will seem to invade all aspects of your day. There are support groups that can help. May I suggest compassionate friends or the Good grief trust? These may not be what you needs at present, but perhaps in time, there will be some benefit and it is worth considering, even if it is perhaps just getting and reading some of the useful reading material that they offer.
Every second is precious and we can never reclaim time. All we can do is be thankful for each new day and use it wisely and please, remember to be kind to yourself.
I lost my daughter to a glioma brain tumour 2 weeks ago. She was 21, she had leukaemia when she was 8 then again at 13, the treatment caused her brain cancer when she was 20.
I have another daughter who is older but nothing, nothing can make this pain easier.
I have lived the past 13years in total fear of this day, imagining how I would feel, how I would cope but nothing could have prepared me for the pain or the realisation I will never hold her again, never have another conversation, never share a look or have her worry about me when I was worrying about her.
I love her so much, I am broken she is not here and I do not think it should ever expected that I should feel grateful for having another child.