On April 16th 2024 my son was found dead in a strange flat all alone. I am absolutely devastated and don’t know how to deal with the constant emotions of guilt that I wasn’t by his side, wasn’t there to protect him and then anger because he was taken away too early
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i cant imagine your pain, you are not alone keep posting,
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Jo Marie, I am so sorry for your loss. I fully understand how you feel, I lost my son in March 2023, aged 35. I found him at his flat, he should have been at work etc, thought he was asleep as he looked so peaceful, CPR, medics, police. The devastation you are feeling is normal, if that is the right word to use, brain like fog, and totally confused about what has happened, I have like many others been there unfortunately. All I can say is do each day, hour by hour minute by minute and keep messaging on here. This site has been a lifeline. Take care x
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Thank you. I have been struggling so much, I feel like I am just doing the things I know are necessary and am so exhausted all the time. I feel so sorry for my little girl, not only is she grieving for her brother she is having to deal with Mummy not knowing how to be anything at the moment x
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I am just so sorry for your loss, only a parent knows the pain.
Please read this. I got told the same in Dec 2014. I didnt listen at first.
I lost my son in November 2014 - 24 years old, no real sign of mental health issues. The pain as you know is indescribable. The first year or so was/will be a blur, the shock is so extreme. Recognise that.
Seek help, dont push people away, but also try to do healthy activities that help you “forget” the mental pain for 20-30 minutes at a time. Exercise, sleep, not alcohol or drugs. Sleeping pills and medication only for a short while. Dont blame anyone or yourself. Don’t destroy what is around you. Its your mind trying to fix the unfixable.
I didnt listen at first. I only learned this way the hard way.
I am 10 years ahead; the pain and sadness is there always. I never forget but I and family do not obsess and have found a way forward. We stumble along, living the best we can.
I loved him. Will never forget him. But I and the family need to live our lives.
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Thank you, I don’t really have many people in my life to support. For such a large family and friendship network I feel that I am probably more alone than ever at the moment. I try to exercise daily as I always had. It’s so difficult to keep going on many days but I am trying.
Hi JoMarie, exercise really helps, I’m an exercise addict, I find it helps me, plus I write my private daily journal, that is worth a try. Just remember little steps, minute by minute, hour by hour . I’m fourteen months into this hell journey and I still don’t think ahead of the day I am on as it’s all too daunting, but it does get a bit easier, believe me when I say that, I never thought it would, you will also start to realise what your trigger points are and find a way of getting through them. Take care xx
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I am sorry that you have had loss too, exercise really does help, I think it used to be the only time I could switch off to the world, it’s a little less easy at the moment but I tell myself that it’s important to try.
Every day is a trial right now, I have had a few days this week where I guess I could say I can breathe, the guilt though is horrific even when I laugh at something that my daughter does or when I make a mistake like yesterday and forget for a second that he is no longer here x
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I can understand your pain. We lost our son age 28 to cancer on the 10th april this year. I cant tell you how i feel so much loss. He suffered bad for over 2 years. I hope you are taking care of yourself too
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Hi Jomarie , i am so very sorry for the loss of your son , its very early days for you and your life has been turned upside down and like mine has changed forever! It will be near impossible for life to carry on like before , and the next 6 months that I know will be a blur , and you just scrape through each day doing the basic but you will be so tired , don’t expect anything of yourself , do what you can and what you know will help you even for a very short time , exercise , walking etc , I don’t have any family support besides an aunty & uncle , so it is a lonely place to be isn’t it … I wake up day and wish so much it wasn’t real , I just want my old life back , I’m worn out from the pain every hour of every day wanting my son back , it’s very hard to accept it’s real , are you having counselling? Take care love
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Hi corin i too lost my son from cancer .sam was 24 .lasted four months it is three years but feel like yesterday come on here shout cry always someone who understands your pain the thread lost son at 27 is good always people to talk to sending you a big hug xx
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I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. It really is heartbreaking and you’re right I am exhausted every day. I wake up every night, yesterday I was certain I could smell him every where I walked at home.
I haven’t started counselling yet but I have begun to look into it
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I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. It’s three years this October since I lost my son. Some days I feel slightly better than others and I think I’m turning a corner but then it just hits me like a tonne of bricks again.
I feel the only rest I get from the pain is when I’m asleep. Sleep is a bit more settled now.
I still have terrible flashbacks to when I found my son, they leave me in complete panic. Not sure if they will ever stop.
Still taking it hour by hour, day by day. That’s all I can do. Take care x
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Gill1960 I know exactly how you feel, I’m the same, it’s so hard some days.
Take care xx
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It’s just over a year now that I lost my son to suicide. I feel so empty and lost. I wish there was some way I could have one more conversation with him. I would tell him how much I love, how sorry I am that I didn’t do more, and how proud I was of him. My husband doesn’t say anything, I know he is hurting and has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer. I am so sorry for all the people on this site but I understand how you are all feeling and appreciated you sharing your stories with me. Helps me not feel so alone.
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Thank you for sharing your story, I lost my son on 16th April this year and I cannot express the pain I feel every day. I am still none the wiser as to how he died, however believe it would be suicide as I have since found voice notes to apologise if he doesn’t wake up and know he admitted himself to A and E a month before. To know all this after he died is breaking me. To know I couldn’t save him, he was my world even as an adult and I just can’t see past this pain at the moment.
I am sorry that your husband now has lung cancer too and isn’t saying anything, I think we deal with grief or don’t in such different ways.
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I am so sorry that you’re having such a horrible time still, I am so new to all this pain I feel. It’s exhausting….i agree that sleep is the only time I don’t feel pain, but that’s sporadic with horrible dreams that drag me out of my sleep. Never known pain like this x
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Hi jomarie, yes grief is exhausting, and thoughts going round and round is so tiring too … I can imagine that was upsetting to be able to smell him , I can’t even go near my sons clothes , I can’t accept everything of his in his room he will never use again , it destroys me ! I’ve been having counselling , and I would recommend it , I’m talking to someone from listening ear they are a free service and really good , you should register with whoever you choose as there is always a waiting list … take care
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Hello Corin, I lost my daughter last year to colon cancer, she was 41 but had been misdiagnosed so had two years when it wasn’t being treated. Dr said it was piles, despite so much bleeding. By the time they re examined her, it was all too late I am numb and at times just want to be with her. My other daughter needs me too though.
Oh dear how tragic. I lost my 49 year old son to depression, anxiety and alcoholism. Since the pandemic he couldn’t cope with his life, and turned to alcohol. It’s only 5 months ago and I watched him die, as he lived with me for 16 months. My poor lovely son, adored his two children and his wife, but lost them due to his drinking, which made his torment worse.
However we lose a child the devastating feelings we have are very much the same. I’ve had the anger, and guilt just like you.
I’m taking Counselling, but each time the trauma knocks me back.
We will never be the same again, but life has to go on, and we must try,no matter how hard, to live.
My heart goes out to you xxxxx
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