I cant see it pat but thankyou if you can from the bottom of my broken empty heart god bless you thankyou pat xx
I was so pleased to see your post about our loved oneās only shedding their physical bodies. I know without any doubt that Brian is looking over me. It gives me such comfort.
I also feel that I am here now for a reason. Only on the first day of losing Brian did I want to go with him but after that I have managed to find the strength to want to carry on. To remember him with love and joy (not there yet though) not tears. I think we can all put this experience to good use at some time in the future. We have been blessed with receiving and giving a great love. For me it has taught me many lessons. I sometimes need strength and Brian gives me that.
Good luck to you. Pat xxx
Could you give E a message please you are wiser she needs help many thanks xx
I doubt you will Ade your hurting too much but what you put in writing, I think, is showing hope. I so hope that your grief will become easier with time. God bless Pat xxx
Hi.
Well this thread has really taken off, It has helped me no end in the last few days. Everyone here is so wonderful and kind. I wish you all well and may I offer my thanks to you all.
Trevor xx
Your welcome Trevor thank everyone here keeping me up until I see my doctor on Wednesday take care in my thoughts and prayers stay strong as much as possible x
Hi Ade, sorry but I get the impression that you are holding great hope in your Doctor on Wednesday
Please donāt be disappointed if there is no help from this source. Anti depressant seem to be the norm but there is no magic pill for what we are suffering. I went to my doctor weeks ago re: health scare at that time but no help although he must have been able to see I was still in bits. A leaflet for Cruse was the best that was managed and that turned out to be a waste of time. Long waiting lists. To be honest I wouldnāt have taken tablets anyway. I donāt want to be walking about in a daze all day. Physically I feel fit and well, mentally is another thing, but I am determined to keep improving.
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Thankyou Pat no I appreciate that I wouldnāt want to be In a daze either jyst about managed to wash and dry my hair today my heads all over the place Iāve been on a waiting list for cruse bereavement since November I rang yesterday spoke to another girl she said that the waiting list is still another eight to ten weeks to be honest Iām not sure any words anyone can say that will help my Edward back in my arms this really is torture Pat he was do friendly and kind and helpful always held the door open for the older generation tray me like a princess my 6 1 friendly giant taken way to soon im really heartbreakon I thought weād at least see our sixtys x
Thankyou you so much im lay here so alone and scared replaying events over and over I just want my soulmate back in my arms im destroyed mentally and physically thankyou for warning me over the medication sending a hug Adele X
Hi. I suffered depression after my heart bypass, I was tried on anti depressants to no avail, made me sluggish and lazy. I tried counselling which made me worse initially but after the sessions were finished I was like a new person, one reason Iām taking counselling now, they take time but for me they work, I suppose not everyone gets help this way but stick at the counselling it just might help.
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Keep an open mind with regard to counselling and medication,I know everyone has different views and I totally respect that,but my counsellor is wonderful and has been my guide through these terrible times,she also suggested I see the doctor as I was spiralling rapidly down hill towards a breakdown,was suicidal and couldnāt cope with anything,a complete mess really.I didnāt want to go down the route of medication but I have done now,you do not walk around in a daze modern drugs are not like they used to be.I can now cope better day to day and my dreadful anxiety has eased.The pain from our loss will always be part of us,that wonāt go away but I am able to function and think a bit more rationally.No one will force you to do or take anything if you donāt want to,itās your decision,hope thatās helpful.Take care,much love to you and everyone,Corinna xx
I fully agree with Corinna. Iāve not taken any medication but my youngest daughter has. She started 15 years ago with citalopram and has remained on a low dose since.
Iām very proud of what she has achieved since. She is on maternity leave at the moment but has just negotiated a three day return to work. She is a Senior Occupational Therapist after achieving a good first degree and then going on to a Higher. I really doubt that she would have been able to do any of that without the medication, although, obviously, I canāt be sure. As she was aware her mother was getting close to death, and she was a new mother, she went back to the GP and they agreed to an increase in dose. She has just gone back to a reduced dose.
My wife also went on to citalopram after finding out she was dying. Not surprisingly, she was anxious about that.
My advice would be to keep an open mind with regard to medication and any talking therapy.
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How do we know that the medication really does work or of by taking it we are convincing ourselves it has helped. I walk about in a daze if I take Calms but my body isnāt used to drugs. I have known people who have taken medication and it has helped then they have the problem of getting off the damn things and that takes even longer and very traumatic for them. I suppose itās a case of everybody trying to do their best to cope in whatever way they can.
Iām pleased you highlighted this to me before I go to the doctors on Wednesday Pat x
Iām pleased you highlighted this to me before I go to the doctors on Wednesday Pat x
Hello all my friends here.
The last two days have been the worst in my life. I have been so down plus news of a good friend in Newcastle being very ill has made things worse. I have cancelled the trip to Strathpeffer and have decided to drive to Newcastle tomorrow. I do have another better reason for going there anyway and I hope that it will lift my spirits somewhat. I have been sobbing on and off the last two days with today being the worst and far worse than since my darling Anne passed in January, itās like a terrible setback. I just do not understand why I have dropped back so much after doing quite well just a few days ago.
Anne knew fine well that Iād never cope being alone, she constantly reminded me of that before she passed, I always had difficulties being on my own since being a child, I used to be terrified when small and even in my teens was very insecure, no doubt due to my upbringing. I would have thought by now Iād be better but the longer I am alone the worse the feelings are getting. I will mention this a week on Thursday to the counsellor but Iām not sure if she can help, it could be some form of mental health issue, I just donāt know. I should be OK on the drive as it requires concentration and Iāll be away from empty thoughts. Other than taking in someone (very risky) What do I do? I canāt do this for much longer.
Hi Trevor im sorry to hear your going through such a difficult time itās an unsufferable pain with no end it will be six months and two weeks tomorrow afternoon since my Edward fell asleep in my arms im utterly truamatised witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes we had our future mapped out dreams and hopes of growing old together everything my hopes and dreams have been cruelly and tragically stolen im sorry to hear about your past also im really struggling to it was tonight the Tuesday we got rushed to critical care where my beautiful angel fell asleep in my arms on the Wednesday afternoon after what I describe as a helmet was the breathing machine im utterly heartbreakon mentally and physically im sorry to hear about your friend hope things get better be careful driving itās not meant to be heavy but im from Newcastle and itās going to rain Tomorrow not sure how much or for how long take care as much as possible in my thoughts Adele x
Hi Trevor, Iāve had the same happening to me this week. Sobbing like it all happened 5 minutes ago. No idea why. There wasnāt any triggers. None that Iām aware of anyway. Iāve lost my mojo again. Lots of things to do but doing none of them. Back to the whatās the point way of thinking. Getting annoyed with myself that Iām like this again. I read on here that grief is tiring. I can say Iām never anything but tired these days. Iām not using that as an excuse for doing nothing though. Thatās just more a feeling of why bother. I never minded being alone. Iāve lived alone for quite a few years when I was younger without any issues and Iāve never minded my own company. Iām wondering if that was because the previous times were through choice and this time itās not a chosen way for me to live. I consistently struggle with the lack of thought or consideration from others. I look back over the years and I was always the first port of call if any help was needed night or day. Always I was the first to put my own life on hold to help others and yet I look around me now and everyone just gets on with life regardless. Show thought only if convenient to them and I guess expect me to get on with āitā because thatās what theyāve always seen me do. But this experience isnāt like any other Iāve dealt with. Iām getting more and more angry seeing the behaviour of others. Seeing the lack of empathy and the very obvious āif we ignore it, it will go awayā approach. I have been promised lots of help in various areas ie garden, home, phone calls and received little if any at all. I think as well as missing my husband in a way I never believed possible I also feel very let down by people who so call care! I ask myself am I being soft. Am I feeling sorry for myself. I donāt think I am. I think Iām just seeing through the meaningless words and frankly the ābsā of others and all those realisations are making me sad.
I hope knowing you havenāt been alone with your lousy week experience helps you Trevor and I hope Newcastle is kind to you x
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So sad but very true you get to see who your friends are in the end whoās there with all there false promises if call me day or night I hope you get your home jobs fixed soon in my thoughts take care Adele x
Thank you both for the replies. One person I will see is in the Hadrian clinic in Westgate Road, Newcastle. Although she is in for respite this should be a good visit and will hopefully lift me up. The other person a close friend is not so good at all and will probably make me quite saddened. Iām always ok around people but recently even the days are without company, I have been in at my old work for a couple of hours at a time, this helps but I was on my own since Sunday and it all just kicked in again but far worse.