I lost my mum in november 2021 having nursed her with liver cancer which was heartbreaking to see we has her funeral 2 days before Christmas…christmas happened and new year in a fashion…then it hit me that she wasnt coming back. I’m an only one and still have my dad which I cherish but everyone and everything has gone back to normal if you can call it normal. I’ve always been the strong ‘go to’ person amongst family members and friends but I feel I ve lost my go to person my mum. I’m exhausted pretending to be strong when all i want to do is shut off and cry (I do this alone so as not to show weakness or upset dad n my children) I spend a lot of time alone as all my friends work opposite shifts I carnt talk to my husband as I promised not to greif for my mum as she did her own mum (25 years of greiving as she left a diary…it broke my heart that she never got over the loss of her own mum and never spoke about her greif for all those years) I’m trying to move on but I’m not ready yet …everyone around me has or so it seems so I don’t want to burden them with my feelings so I just march on but I havnt got the strength anymore
Welcome to the Community. I sorry to hear of the loss of your mum.
It would be worth booking an appointment with your GP for support and to see what services they can offer you.
Have you considered one to one Counselling? Sue Ryder offer counselling and Bereavement information and grief advice which you can find here.
There is a topic Losing a parent which will connect you to other community members on this forum which you may find of help and support.
Please continue to reach out and take care.
Thank you for your kind words Pepsi I was unsure about contacting my GP as advice says its possibly too soon (8weeks) I’m guessing for councilling support if the grief is ongoing after many months then support may be available. Thought I would try this forum first see if I can chat on here instead if feeling so alone xx
I’m sorry to hear about your mum, I lost my mum in July last year she had secondary liver cancer and I too nursed her to the end , we only had 6 weeks with her it was so heartbreaking I’ve had counselling with cruse and it’s helped a bit to chat to someone outside the family unit, I still have my dad and two brothers, my two daughters have been very supportive but no one can fill that void I’m struggling every day with the guilt, I can’t seem to enjoy trying to do anything I feel she should still be here with dad, I’ve been signed off work and my GPS have been really good, I’m told to just take a day at a time, definitely give your GP a ring and discuss how you feel and contact cruse as you will be put on a waiting list for about 8 weeks, always here for a chat, take care
Hi lynn thank you for your kind reply. So sorry you lost your mum too, mum was stage 4 on diagnosis with it in her pelvis and lung too it was heartbreaking watching her deteriorate so fast she lost so much of her dignity at the end we had help from our local hospice at home team but I wanted to do everything for her so they supported me emotionally and were great. I’m probably my own worst enemy as on the outside to others I’m doing ok but inside my heart is torn in two just needed to join this group to talk with people who understand …I have no one to look after now and no one to go to for a hug I miss her so much xx
I lost my mum in August 2021. She had had treatment for bowel cancer 2 years before and in November 2020 she had her check up and was told she now had lung cancer! So… Following 3 different biopsies over Christmas and new year,they told her they weren’t sure what it was ,but have radiotherapy anyway. She coped reasonably well considering she was alone and I was staying over and popping in daily. In-between work and kids etc. Then in June she was told actually you don’t have cancer ,we don’t want to see you for 3 months! Great!! Then in July she started getting I’ll, bloated,sick , fatigue … everything . The doctor kept saying she was fine it was just the remnants of the radiotherapy. Eventually,I called an ambulance and we waited 11 hours .I couldn’t move her she was too weak. To be told at hospital her bowel cancer had returned and she had a week at most. Which was infact a week to the day. How could they miss it and get it so so wrong.?!? She might have had a fighting chance had they not been so focused on the non existent lung cancer. I’m finding myself very angry of late and not coping day to day very well at all. If you ever want a chat Please feel free .it helps me also
My God sarah that must have been awful giving you all hope and letting you down again it not acceptable to treat anyone like they did your mum I can understand your anger my mum to be honest had similar diagnosis in I know in my own heart she had it longer than we all knew. She too had problems (vaginally) had biopsy pre covid was told benign in her pelvis 2 year on during covid doctor diagnosed over phone vaginal creams for intermittent bleeding which caused me concern having had an hysterectomy many years before fast forward 2021 still bleeding still being diagnosed over the phone. Finally did a MRI scan n another biopsy on her liver in july 2021 she passed away november 27th with stage 4 liver cancer it also being in her pelvis and lung. She managed one chemo session in october angry at being palmed off being an understatement
I’m here to chat anytime take care if yourself
Hi Sarah 22
You are exactly right how do they get it so wrong, my mum was in hospital for 16 days having MRI scans, ultrasounds and CT scans it was so frustrating waiting on the outcome, I was told she probably had 6- 12 months, one consultant wasn’t really sure how long all I know is once mum came out of hospital she wasn’t the same person, the loss of a mum is absolutely devastating and the pain is so raw, but to have to go through all the frustration and worry of that loved ones poor care is just soul destroying
You are welcome. Come on here as much as you like. We are here for you. It better to chat than feel alone. I am glad you have found us.
I would contact your GP when you are ready and also look at Cruse Bereavement UK as grief is so overwhelming.
I recently posted a post as I am also new to here, I sadly also lost my dad in December 2021 after a short battle with cancer and like yourself I myself was there with my dad through the bad days. Im also right now feeling a great sense of loss and emptyness. I often question how life will ever be same and cant accept that he is not here anymore. I suppose like you its about taking one day at a time, tackle these thoughts head on, and take time with ourselves as losing a parent is quite possibly one of the hardest things to ever happen.
Im always here if you need to chat. X
I completely understand. I too feel the very same. I share the same feelings as you. I feel am unable to breath properly any more. Mon had the same desease. Nothing makes me happy anymore. We were very close and no one to help me.