Hi, have just joined the online community today. I lost my Nan to heart failure on Saturday 17th August. Was by her side for ten days pretty much non stop before she passed, from hospital back to her residential home where she eventually passed. I thought I was coping OK and even managed to get back to work on Tuesday last week. But since the funeral the following day I’ve just been feeling this creeping depression. I feel like I’m sinking.
I’m getting married in October and am struggling to muster any joy to do final preparations. My partner Kate has been my rock this last few weeks but it’s starting to take its toll on her too. She feels powerless. This all just feels so impossible to handle.
Hello Lizzie, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your nan. Grief can be unpredictable and it’s not unusual for set in worse after a little time - some people find that they feel numb during the first few weeks, or that the practical things that need doing take their mind off things for a little while.
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage to your partner Kate. I’m sorry that you are struggling to find joy in the preparations. Might it help to think about ways to include a tribute to your nan in the day? I have seen people talk about choosing a reading or piece of music that was special to their loved one, having little photos in their bouquets, or getting favours or place settings from a charity close to their loved one’s heart. Our lead counsellor, Mel, recently gave some tips for a magazine article about coping with weddings when a loved one is ill or has died (her tips are at the end): https://www.stylist.co.uk/long-reads/wedding-planning-mum-family-ovarian-cancer-diagnosis/291410
It’s important to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Try to find outlets for your emotions, whether that’s talking to your family, to Kate, or writing things down here on the site. While you wait for more replies to your post, I’ve found some other posts you might be interested to read and reply to. Hannah and Everett have both posted about losing grandparents: