Loss of my beloved adult daughter.

I am in terrible bereavement over the agonising loss of my precious daughter who I lost from cancer this October.is anyone feeling the insane purgatory that I am going through.annette

Annette, I truly know the hell on earth you are feeling. Our 19 year old son Tom passed away very suddenly from an undiagnosed heart condition in September, we are still reeling from shock. This pain at times is unbearable. We are raising money for the British heart foundation and this helps to keep us focussed. Do you have any other children or close family?

Tom’s mum.yes I have my granddaughter gabriella.the child of my daughter who died in October from cancer.we are both broken hearted and each have real pain to endure.i hug her and tell her I love her.constantly.one factor I haven’t mentioned is my dearest daughter died through a clinical negligence misdiagnosis.she my darling Sharron was ill for two years .initially diagnosed herpes.but in fact was vulval cancer so so angry.so you see it could have been.stopped in its track if they had investigated the reasons why she wasn’t improving.getting steadily worse as time went on eventually resulting in a tumour growing for a whole year.so as you may understanding have a double grief.bereavement and anger.she would be here now if they had done there job profienctlyii was her mother and carer I cry all the time.and everything reminds me of my darling girl .my eyes are permanently red rimmed.i dont know if I want to carry on living without her it’s unbearably hard .don’t know if I am going to make it.

Annette it must be terrible to have such anger because of negligence by the health professionals, we too are angry because toms heart condition could have been treated, if we had known the symptoms, but we didn’t. By fundraising we are also raising awareness the heart problems are not restricted to the old. You are suffering so terribly as we are too, but we have to keep going for our other son, as you must for Gabriella. Every morning when I wake up I tell myself one more day to get through, because if I think that I have the whole of my life without tom it is unbearable. Best wishes x

I am so sorry for your loss Annette and the circumstances. I lost my Father in October which is of course different as he was not young. A very close friend of mine lost her son aged 26 from cancer aged 26 over 7 years ago now. She has kept going because of her other daughter and because she knows that is what her son would want to live her life well, although this took some time. My friend has really put her heart and soul into raising money for ‘Teenage Cancer Trust’ and this has really helped her. I really recommend you read the book ‘Always with you’ Gloria Hunniford as Gloria lost her daughter Caron from cancer at a young age.

Sorry Julie I have not replied earlier.yes I will seek that book out .I think I may have read it adds years ago .But it’s poignant now isn’t it.i love and miss my daughter extremely badly feel like .What the hell I am still living without her for.can you understand Julie.i feel guilty for still being alive her mother .While she my darling Sharron is underneath the cold earth on the isle of Wight . Its Xmas Eve I wish I could turn back time.do you feel the same.on a average day do you go about your daily rout

Do you find yourself crying outside in the shops ectrrr Julie.will you be my bereavement buddy?Annette .xx

Dear Annette, I think my grief has been much more gradual as my Father was ill for a long time, particularly in the last year . I just feel dreadful sadness all the time. I keep going ( I am now back at work) and just do the best I can . Of course I will be your bereavement buddy Annette. Sending you love and strength. xx

I am getting through this Xmas day a hour at a time Julie. How are you.?Just glad it is a short Xmas this year a Weekender one.yes I have seemed to acquire a deep melancholic sadness.but within my sadness is very justified anger.i have received the professor’s medical report from my daughter’s solicitors.who are dealing with my daughter’s misdiagnosis claim against the NHS down here.briefly they are of the opinion that my daughter could still be alive today .If they had got her diagnosis right.instead they allowed a cancerous tumour to grow for ten and a half months resulting in her death .I don’t know what to do with this mortifying anger so please excuse me Julie.best wishes Annette.xxx

I really feel for you Annette. .my heart is breaking after losing my mum 5 weeks ago…I can’t imagine what you are going through. I’m thinking of you. Hugs x

I am so sorry Annette. I know how I feel with respect to some aspects of negligence from the NHS but I believe despite errors made my Dad would still have died from heart failure eventually and of course he was older. I really do not know what to suggest except counselling and channelling your energies into something positive when you feel able to do this. Please take care, today is a particularly very difficult day, it will soon be over. x

Hello JulieS. I am sorry about your loss Julie. My loving husband died from Heart Failure on 6th October, a day after my birthday. They sent him home from hospital with ‘weeks’ to live - these turned out to be hours. I know the NHS failed him through a series of errors and omissions from the beginning to end in retrospect. I wish I had challenged them every step of the way because there was potential for him to be saved and it tears me apart. I was brought up in age where you don’t question medics - it wasn’t done, but I wish I had. Warmest regards Tina.

Hello annette12. You sound so much in pain and saying ‘sorry for your loss’ is truly inadequate. My loss isn’t the same relationship as yours as I lost my Husband. I understand to some point your agonizing anger over the misdiagnosis as although my Husband was not misdiagnosed there were errors and omissions that took place that would have provided a different outcome if things had been done when they should. I didn’t question medics at the time, I so wish I had. You just assume they are doing the right thing at the right time. Keep your strength up during the investigation and I hope you have some peaceful times in the meantime. Tina

Hi Tina another day over.boxing day today.tome less christmassy.but then it’s a new year to behold .Without my darling girl.my futureis very uncertain.i miss her terribly .Can’t really believe I shan’t see her again.i find it disbeleiveably numbing.how are you today?annettexxx.

I’m so sorry for your loss I lost my son on 24th November this year I only had his funeral last Wednesday he was my only child he was 33 it was unexpected and a shock he died from deep vein thrombosis after an operation I’m still in shock I’m crying constantly it was just him and mr

Hello Annette
It’s so hard isn’t, when many people are looking to the future with hope and anticipation when that’s the last thing we associate with the New Year. If you are like me I can understand how frightened and uncertain you feel. You are right it’s like being trapped between numbness and disbelief as well as the anger that’s present as well. I woke up to today feeling extra heavy in my heart and distressed. I tend to dwell a lot on if onlys and what ifs and that is so tiring as well. Well intentioned people will say things have to be accepted but that doesnt make it easy does it. I hope you are bearing up with your Gabriella as well and I hope you have a good night’s sleep. Hope to speak again Annette.

Oh dear I really really feel for you at this time.you sound very very similar to my bereavement Charlie dawn.i can really empthasise with you.and the gutwrenching pain you must be suffering.me and my dearest daughter lived together for fortysix years.i miss her so so much the pain is excruciating.i lost my Sharron in October. She died in hospital.i wasn’t with her at the end which I feel guilt about.she had one child my granddaughter.we three all lived together a three female unit.so there is just me and Gabriella.I have to try and be strong for her sake.because she as lost her mum at just eighteen years of age.but I can never replace her darling mum.my daughter died from cancer.i am still in disbelief and anger in the scheme of things it should have been me that died I just don’t understand it.so believe me when I tell you I understand what you must be going through.i have physciatric nurses visit me.and I am also on meds and am going to bereavement counselling.i can’t begin to say how comforting it is to find someone like myself in the same situation.i am sending you a invisible bear hug.xxx Annette.

Hi again Tina this is how I feel.i feel like my fabric of life as I knew it.as been unravelled like a old knitted jumper that as been unpicked then rolled back in to a old ball of wool.many hugs to you and everyone on here that are going through this pain.love annettexxx.