Have I ever dealt with this, grieved, addressed this. I don’t if I have. I’m 51 now, lost Martin when he was 18 and I was 21.
The answer to have I ever dealt with it? Probably not. Lost myself in a spiral of alcohol (13 years sober now) however replaced it with substances.
I am now happily clean as well as sober. But he is never out my thoughts, even when I was not in a good place. Why him and not me. He was the clever one, the good guy.
I guess I’m rambling as I don’t really know what to write sorry.
I’m Alex, and I can see that you’re new to the community. I just wanted to thank you for sharing this with us. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother at such a young age.
Many of our members have lost their siblings and will understand some of what you’re going through. I’m sure that someone will be along to share their thoughts soon.
In the meantime, you might want to look at our complicated grief page, which talks about long-lasting and intense feelings of grief, which it sounds like you’ve been experiencing. There is lots of help and support out there, and you are not alone.