loss of my brother

My wonderful younger brother died of a heart attack this April while on holiday in Spain. It’s been such a shock to our family. He kept his self fit watched what he ate, didn’t smoke or drink, it came totally out of the blue. He was always as we thought in good health. The phone call I received that night goes over & over in my head, I am suffering with bad anxiety. He was my only sibling, and now I feel so alone. I thought we would always be there for one another in old age. He was only 51 when he passed away. I have my own family a husband daughter & son, but feel a part of me is missing. Would love to hear from people who understand what I am going through.

Hi I know exactly how you feel I lost my partner of25years suddenly in May this year I am taking panic attacks and I still can’t take in what has happened I feel so empty and alone and when I do go out I feel half of me is missing also I do have good family support and have really good friends but that doesn’t take the pain away which I feel I’m beginning to get angry with people for the slightest thing I just want to feel normal again but I think that will take a long time the only advice I can give you is just take each day as it comes and hopefully in time your pain will ease I’m here anytime you need to talk take card xx

Thanks Janey for replying to my message. I find myself getting angry with people over the slightest thing also, which isn’t the real me. I have got no Sympathy with anybody its like grief as changed me into another person. I am on medication for panic attacks & Anxiety. Its still early days for us Janey, I agree we can only take one day at a time. If you ever need to talk I am here for you. Take care xx

Hi I know what you are saying, I’m not going to say I k ow how you feel because we are a unique people. I lost my little brother who was only 26 in April this year I’m only 28 and have not had to deal with death at all in my family thank god. I can’t sleep I keep thinking what if I could just talk to him for one last time then e erythronium come rushing back to me. His face, his smile, every time he laughed he had little dimples, every time I had a problem he would be there, and most importantly who am I going to get up to mischief with now. It feels like my best friend has gone and left me without saying good bye. I’m starting to cry writing this so I’m going to leave it there. Just know you are not alone x

Sorry to hear about the loss of your brother Emma v. 26 is such a young age. I am feeling worse as time goes on. It finally hit me I will never see him again, and it totally breaks my heart. It’s my birthday this week, my first without my brother I know it will be very hard. People don’t understand, what your going through. You get all that crap like life goes on, he would want you to be happy. I know he would, how can I ever feel happy again my life will never be the same again. I don’t know if u find this Emma, friends & family ask how my mum is but not how I am feeling. It’s like siblings should just get on with it. I totally understand when you said you wish you could talk to your brother one last time, it’s the not saying goodbye, wanting to tell them how much you love them & miss them so very much. My thoughts and prayers are with you. If you ever need to talk I am always here.x

I am so sorry for your loss.I found my Brother dead on New years day this year and it was such a big shock.I too feel like a part of me has died and just don’t know when life will ever feel the same or if it ever will be normal again.He was 56.

Thanks Oliver to replying to my message. So sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. Like my brother 56 is no age at all. Reading your message when u said it was a shock, I take it he hadn’t be ill? I don’t know about you but I am finding my grief getting worse not better. After nearly five months I think I am still in shock and every time I think I won’t see him again I have a panic attack. I started bereavement counselling last week I think it helped. It’s still early days for both of us. Hope your getting lots of support off family & friends. If you ever need to talk, I do know what your going through. Take care of yourself.x

No he hadn’t been ill and was fighting fit.I feel worse as the months go by and think maybe counselling may now be an option after all these months.He was single and I have had to sort everything out.This has broken my heart.I am glad to hear the counselling seems to be helping you.I too am here if you need me.Thankyou

Like your brother my brother was very fit he was never Ill which makes it all the harder to understand! It’s his son’s 21st birthday today, it’s so hard for his 2 boys. My brother just went to sleep and never woke up. He had so much to live for, it’s so very hard. My only comfort is that he didn’t suffer, he didn’t know nothing about it. I know a lot of people on here have watched their loved one suffer, which must be unbearable. You mentioned counciling I would definitely give it ago. You said you sorted everything out for your brother, if u don’t mind me asking are your parents still alive. My dad died in a works accident he was only 53. My mom is 80 and not in the best of health, I feel I must try and be strong for her. She is heart broken he was everything to her. Live is so cruel! Losing my brother and changed me I will never be the same again. You take care. X

So sorry you are all going through such tough times. I know it is heartbreaking. I just lost my sister aged 54 and feel totally numb. Everyone at work is great lots of support but finding my family hard. My husband has no clue and thinks life should go on as before I am trying but his lack of support is making me angry and our relationship is suffering. My mam is bereft. My other siblings don’t talk much though we are close. My children have their own problems. I am not coping . Any advice?. I feel angry and upset all the time. Sorry wish I could help you all.

Hi Nic.I am so very sorry for your loss.I can’t begin to advise you how to cope as I too feel angry and frustrated.I think it is easier for work colleagues to be supportive and they are not as close as family.I felt my Husband just expected things to carry on as normal until I totally broke down and told him how I felt.I don’t think Men think like us.They can close their eyes so easy, especially grief.I think when I broke down he actually realised that I needed him and his support.I am thinking of going to cruse for counselling to try and work through this anger.Have you considered this at all Nic? Wish I could take away your pain x

Hi Nic and Oliver,

I am really sorry to hear that your husbands both don’t seem to understand the full impact of your grief.

I just wanted to let you know that Candy1960 has also recently posted about a lack of support from her husband after bereavement. If either of you are interested in chatting to her about this, you can read and reply to her post here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/i-feel-im-losing-plot

Hi Nic , so sorry to hear about your loss of your sister. It’s been five months now since I lost my only sibling my younger brother Steve. My relationship with my husband also is suffering due to his lack of understanding, his attitude too is life goes on. He tell’s me I have changed, yes I have grief does change you. Like you I get so angry and I feel so bitter. I have started bereavement counselling which I am finding it helpful. Maybe it’s something you might try. I do hope you will find comfort, just take one day at a time, if ever u need to talk I am here. Sending you love & hugs! Take care.x

Thank you for yourcreply.Yes I think you are right maybe work colleagues have enough distance to support us more than those we want to help.I read these messages and feel sad for those we have lost and all of us left behind.I am considering counselling but I struggle to see how it would work when it can’t be fixed.I hope it helps you and I am here if you need someone to talk to.Sometimes it is easier to let it out with an anonymous stranger.xxxxxxxx

Thank you for your message. I lost my lovely quirky and funny only son in August and was, as I was told in denial, but it hit me like a brick these last two weeks. I feel like you did, full of anger and have such a short fuse and it doesn’t take much for me to get angry with people. I used to be a very tolerant person but no longer which alarms me. Also, thank you for reminding me to take one day a time. I wish you well,
Janine77

Thank you for the replies I appreciate it. Hope everyone here is getting through the days . My motto now is Get up, let the shit hit you and walk on. I actively try to block things out and know this isn’t good but I don’t see another way.I have thought of counselling but it just seems pointless as it won’t bring my sister back. I feel guilty for feeling so bad. She went through it not me, I should not feel bad for myself. I think of you all on here after reading your stories and realise so many of us walking this earth are carrying a very heavy heart. Love to all.

HI Janine 77. So very sorry to hear about the loss of your son. No parent should ever have to go through losing a child. My mum still as very bad days where her pain his unbearable. All she keeps saying is that it should have been her, mum is in her 80’ s and not in the best of health. Nobody understands grief unless you have been through it. It’s been six months since we lost my brother and the pain is getting worse. My 30 year marriage is suffering, my husband just doesn’t understand. People who were a help in the beginning think u should be over it. You never get over grief , u just learn to live with it. The nights are the worse for me, when I can’t sleep and all I think about is my brother Steve and I just want him back!! The thought of not seeing his lovely smile again is unbearable. Bereavement counciling as help me also writing down my feelings everyday in a book. To all on here who are griefing God bless you and hope you find some comfort. Take care of yourself and just take one day at a time! X

I’m so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how your feeling. My brother died suddenly at 35. CPR began straight away but he couldn’t be saved. He was fine about 6 hours before. It will never make sense and ill always ask why.It’s nearly a year now. Please remember you are not alone. When I feel sad which is most days I try to tell myself that my brother would hate me to be like this. I know he would say try to move on with life, be happy, but remember me. I really hope you find strength in the weeks and months to come.

Thank you Scrooby, for replying to my post. It’s been a few months since I was last on here. So sorry to hear about your loss of your brother. Like with my brother it was a shock for you too. I am just like you can’t understand how and why it happened, I will never understand it! It’s still very hard for me, still taking one day at a time. As you now some days are worse than other’s. I do try so hard to make the best out of life, which is what my brother would want. Hope your finding strength and comfort. Sending you a big hug! If you ever need to talk I am here, take care.x

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