Loss of my dad. And support from my partner.

Hi all.
Just want to start off with big hugs to each and everyone on here. :heart:
My dad died on the 6th of november 2019.
He died on the bus on the way home from work. Very long story so try to keep it short. He was a poorly man. He had heart problems. Diabetes. Lots other things. He was 60. I’m not angry with the hospital more the doctors. He went to the doctor 4 days before with asthma. Started to struggle to breath. But before that lost weight. Terrible cough. Not eating. Very pale. And looking upto the sky looking lost weeks before. The doctors did nothing. So as a daughter I wanted to make a complaint to the surgery. And got the MP involved too. Now my dad won’t come back. But I need to do this. I work for the NHS but like I said I’m not angry with them. The thing is I only had a week of work. And tbh my partner I’m getting upset with him. He won’t let me talk about dad. I don’t cry but I’m holding it in because of going to work. He won’t help me regarding dad and the complaint. He talks behind my back saying wants me in work rather then home. Am I doing wrong by doing the complaint and mp even NHS England. ? I really hope not. Ii need to do this. Miss him so very much. It’s like I go to work. And weekend too busy with his things. Sorry so long just helps taking it out as I only do with my mum. One a week. Thank you for reading. X

Hello reading your story is heartbreaking bless you it’s very hard my father passed away last year with dementia I’m under the mental health I have a councillor phone me every Monday for a hour mum passed away 2014 nothing worse than losing a parent you must investigate to why doctors didn’t notice anything I’m the same you need someone to talk to my husband listens to me but I’m not sure he understands yet he lost his granddad who brought him up it’s very hard to cope I’m here if you need a chat Jean xx

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So sorry to hear your story. My dad passed last year too. It’s very hard when you feel they’ve been let down a bit with doctors. It’s really not easy to deal with. Have you thought about trying to get some counselling or joining a bereavement group? Talking about your feelings can be very beneficial and if your partner is unable to listen then it might be best to try to find someone who can? Or any friends who’ve been through a similar thing? It’s sometimes easier to chat to people you don’t rely on usually as there is less guilt about leaning on others (even though many people are more than happy to be lent on). I just found a few great Ted talks on YouTube about grief. Also keeping a diary might also help you express how you feel if you have time to do it. Try to be kind to yourself. It’s very early days. X

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Hi Jean.
I’m very sorry to hear that. My heart goes out to you
My partner sort of listens but makes it sound like not bothered. So I don’t talk which is my problem. And holding it in. As I work full time. His dad died 30+ years ago but mines only been 17 weeks. I need to talk but can’t here. So lucky I have this to open up my heart and feelings. Thank you jean. Take care and sending big hugs. Here also. xxx

I do get how you feel. It’s so frustrating when you feel they were let down. My mum was completely mis diagnosed. They Told her she had a broken rib. She visited the dr 4/5 times. By the time she collapsed and went into hospital she was riddled with cancer and died a week later

I’m so angry. I write angry letters to the stupid dr in my head. Ooh im getting riled up thinking about it. It’s been 6 months for me and my husband was amazing in the beginning but now I think he’s lost interest. Even though my pain is actually getting worse

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Hi Victoria.
Thank you for your reply. Aww bless ya it’s so sad to hear. Heart goes out to you. Tbh I’m always at work and have to have a smile. I do have a sick note. But get the feeling from my boyfriend and his family best I’m at work. Would love to tho as I need to talk and I can’t. I get silent treatment. My friends are great at work. Really understand. Ted talks ok will look into that thank you. I’ve just got a book out the drawer think that will help yes. Also have my memories box for my dad. :heart: Thank you for talking to me. Please take care. Big hugs to you. X

Hi jooles.
That’s not good at all. Yes it is very frustrating. That’s how I feel. Nobody to talk too. I’m doing my best complaining and trying to get heard. But no support from my partner. Just feel so along. My dad was also bleeding heavenly too. Said he had very little oxygen and sent him home. Needed a blood transfusion too. But nothing. Makes me angry. Upset. Alone. Everything. I know how you feel. I really do… x

Same here Kimberly. Just feel utterly alone. On the day mum collapsed my friend who lived opposite my mum and dad said she saw my mum looking out the window with a blanket round her shoulders. Dad was at work. She was all alone. Staring out the window probably wondering why an earth she felt so desperately ill.

If you come on here and talk which I have done now for about 4 months it helps enormously. I’m so sorry you lost your dad that way. I know it’s easier said than done. I try and think of the life they lead before they were ill and not how it ended. But do keep on with your complaint. Good luck.

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Aww bless her. I’m so sorry for your loss. Tbh that’s how my dad was he kept looking out the window. Mum said he went really quiet and wouldn’t talk. Just really wish he made it home that night. He was on the worcester news front page. I will try my best yes. It’s helping being on here already. Thank you. X

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Yeah they must have known deep down something wasn’t right. Hence the staring into space wondering what was happening to their bodies. But you put your trust in these professionals and listen to them. Most of them are brilliant. But some need their licenses revoked. I know I’ll never trust a dr again and listen to my gut instincts instead

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Your like me still raw dad was 14th march 2019 he had his birthday 8th march he just turned 86 I had the police come to my door to tell me it was like the world had stood still . Social services took control after me and my friend Ben I’ve known years was looking after him they put him in a dementia home without letting me know there excuses where dad didn’t want me to know where he was and that he was making a full recovery how can that be possible . Then we found out that cheques was being written out in other people’s hand writing which is currently being investigated thinking of you all so love Jean xx

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Hi Kimberly So sorry for the loss of your Dad I know how hard it is to lose a parent. Lost both my Parents 4 months apart Dad passed away September 1993. Mum the following January 1994. Dad passed away 5 days after my birthday . Mum 5 days after my Son’s birthday. Lost my. Wife Peñny :heart: aged 67. Also on the 06 November 2019 to METS BREAST CANCER . 21 days after diagnosis. I was diagnosed with Prostate cancer this time last year. GP told Penny :heart: she had Sciatica before diagnosis. GP told me I had piles. Both had Cancer unfortunately one passed away my Darling Beautiful wife PENNY :heart: aged 67. Me 70.

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@Kimberly I’m so sorry for your loss! Our stories are so unfortunately similar. I lost my Dad three days before yours on the 3rd of November. Like you, my Dad had gone to the doctor on the Thursday for a flu jab. He also looked pale, breathless and unwell. He had emphysema and COPD. He was only 64 and like you I miss him dearly. I went into a mission after the funeral etc to get my name changed to his same last name. I’ve also been fighting to get him onto my birth certificate which was never done as I was born in Lerwick. You need to go through with these things because they are so important to you. Do anything that keeps you busy or offers comfort in anyway. My dad was my best friend and we loved each other dearly. I’m taking my time to heal: I’ve not been back to work yet. I work in a social job and I can’t face familiar faces yet. It’s okay. I’m trying to take it day by day. It’s such a yo-yo effect: good days then really really bad ones. The pain is so strong because the love is so strong. It’ll always be there x

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I’m so sorry for your lost too. Yes similar. That’s awful. And that age is nothing. It breaks my heart everyday. And angry in myself for not being there with him. I saw it all on Worcester news front page. Broke our hearts. You have to keep going but I will keep fighting for him. My partner not happy with me doing this but I’ve come to the point I will do what I want. I miss him so very much. I’m sorry for your loss. Please take care. If you need another chat. I’m here. x

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Aww that’s awful. That’s how it was with me and my mum. Police came and just horrified of the news. Still see the day in my dreams now. Miss my dad so much. I will keep fighting for my dad. These GPS have got to start doing there job. And looking into things much more. I work for the NHS a receptionist and I give as much help as I can. It’s a duty of mine. Please take care. x

It really isn’t is it? We feel robbed. I wish I was with him too, I’d give anything so he wasn’t alone. I could’ve held his hand. I accept there was probably nothing I could do, it was the inevitable. Just wish I could’ve been there, saying our goodbyes.
It must’ve been awful it being so public. It wasn’t in the paper but when we contacted a pub my Dad wired to see if we could hold the Wake there, the owner posted it all over Facebook before anyone in the family got to. I was angry at that. How dare people jump the gun before the family has formerly announced it? The words were beautiful though, my Dad was so loved by many. He had a motorbike cortège follow him out to the crematorium, with me riding pavilion: our last ride. If there’s one thing I’m sure, I gave him a send off that would’ve made him cry. The sheer love there all day. He deserved it, he deserves to be here more though.
Inbox is always open to you too

Take care and be kind with yourself x

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