I’m a complete mess i lost my dad quite suddenly two days ago I’m finding it so hard to get my head round i feel it’s not real the emotions are very bad
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Hello @Louise123,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your dad that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
Your loss is so recent so please, do try to be gentle to yourself right now.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen
Take care of yourself, Louise. Two days is no time at all. You will still be in shock. I lost my dad suddenly a month ago. It’s been terrible. It’s just a case of getting through each moment. Don’t look too far ahead. And remember that your dad always wanted the best for you and for you to be happy. And that still stands.
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I’m sorry for your loss, Louise. It’s so difficult the first days and the only thing to do is take one minute at a time. Sending you hugs and strength. 
We seem to have lost our dads at about the same time. My sympathies.
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Im sorry to hear that im glad i have people who can realate to me and thanks for your kind words
And mine, to you.
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Hi Louise123, how are you getting on? I lost my Dad to cancer a month ago, 4 short months after his initial diagnosis. The months were horrendous, I feel so traumatised, broken, robbed of a future with him. I would give anything to have him back, even for 1 day so we could talk about what happened and make some sort of sence of it all, if that would even be possible. I still have moments of panick, these were very frequent in the first few weeks. I’ve had to go off work again as I went back too soon and suffered after his funeral. I am still in shock every day, trying to eat, sleep, shop, do “normal” things around all this crazy Christmas stuff. Nothing feels real. I get through each day by simply putting one foot in front of the other. The best advice I can give you for these raw early days is scream when you need to, cry when you want to, smile at a good memory if you can, try to picture them at their happiest. There’s so much pain to come for us all, and we can only get through it by taking one moment at a time. Remember to eat meals when you don’t have that horrible sick feeling. I lost a lot of weight when Dad was sick and it’s taken me a while to start eating properly again. Look after youself, even when it seems like an impossible task. I’ve heard these dark, dark days do get lighter. I hope they do 
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Peppermint, sorry to hear that you went back to work too soon, but glad to hear that you’re rectifying it by taking time off now.
I think my managers would like to see me back in January, but I think I need to explain the traumatic circumstances to my line manager, alongside what they already know (that he had a completely unexpected collapse, and a week later had life support withdrawn).
Principally, these circumstances are:
-It was entirely avoidable and was due to medical negligence in primary care.
-We were completely unprepared and had no inkling as to any illness that would have stopped him from living another 23 years, like his dad before him.
-We (more so my mum and my brother, who is disabled) were completely reliant upon him to do a lot of things. He was incredibly competent and capable and I’m now doing things for my mum and brother that he would have done
-I am the sole person dealing with everything, including his estate, which I’m finding incredibly tricky to navigate.
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I’m so very sorry to hear it was medical negligence in your dad’s case. Many of us here seem to have experienced our loved ones recieving bad and negligent treatment and it’s such a devastating burden to carry along with the loss.
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Thank you very much Ulma,
It’s a sad state of affairs indeed. They worked hard their whole lives, and then the NHS (which started the year after my dad was born) lets them down when they need it most .
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I lost my Dad suddenly on December 4th aged 55. I’m devastated and confused and completely unable to accept it. I offer to words of wisdom, but I share your pain.
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