Bless you Mag I’m just so glad you found the post before too long and have the will to do it for your grandchildren’s sake. This will be enough for now just to help you get started. It’s so difficult as everything seems so pointless in bereavement but I know your daughter wouldn’t have wanted you to go to pot with all this she would have been counting on you to help her (am I right).
The emotional standstill is probably your body’s way of coping with all the anguish and extreme sense of loss. Making sense of it seems impossible and the hurt it brings seems never ending. Talking helps Mag, I hope by now you may have your name on their waiting list and you don’t have too long to wait until you get an appointment. If I can help in any way just let me know. We all know what you’re going through here and all struggling to come to terms with our losses. So glad you found Sue Ryder.
I will help in any way I can. Chatting-messaging-ruminating-just being here for you whenever you need me. I’m only a message away.
Take care and Mia will be a great source of comfort. I’ve got a Jasper!
Big hugs
RedPoppy (Sheila)
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Hi Sheila, many thanks for your lovely reply.ive ‘Loosened’ up a bit and at least I’m trying to get myself moving. My daughter would want to see me doing better for myself and I want to do it for the kids. I’ve got a face to face appointment with my doc on 7th September to discuss my health issues which are also causing tiredness. One of them being lack of iron and diabetes and underactive thyroid. I think the iron is worse. So at least I’m making efforts to get my energies back and get things done at home. And yes Mia keeps me on my toes. Lol 
and I’m glad you’ve got Jasper too. I’m sorry its been a long time getting back to you but I’ve just found your kind reply. I’m not very good at negotiating on line stuff. Lol. But will make a better effort. Very best wishes to you.xx
Hi Mag I’m glad you found my reply and even gladder to hear you are taking steps towards looking after yourself. You’re right there is no way your daughter would have wanted you to neglect your own care. I believe they know that us carrying on down here makes us feel guilty because they’re no longer here but that’s what the emotions of grief give you i.e. feelings of guilt, regret, blame and yearning amongst others I’m sure. However, they know how much we love them and miss them and don’t want us to waste what’s left of our lives. As hard as it all is and it is hard, really really hard and often upsetting. Reminders of the void they left behind are everywhere. I speak to Mum all the time and tell her how much I miss her and love her and she will always be here with me in my heart. It seems we only borrow those we love. My Mum and Dad used to say ‘we only borrow them for a short while’ and I think the same is true for children and parents alike. Keep in touch Mag you need never feel alone and let me know how your doctor’s appointment goes for you. Healing and blessings being sent Sheila xx
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Thank you so much Sheila for your reply. Yes there is the guilt and the wish to have tried to deal with her situation differently. But we are wiser after the event.
Wishing I had the chance to talk to her calmly and not get angry or upset. Because I could get angry . But I was busy looking after her children and wanting the best outcome for them. But she had an addiction which started from age 16. I tried to get her back to living with me but she didn’t want that. She suffered mood swings also which clashed badly with me.
I still havnt managed to secure proper counselling . I found it difficult to talk on the fone. I did get about 3 calls but the lady never once touched on the subject of my bereavement of my daughter. She was good but it seemed to go back to my past and what I had been through ie broken marriage and he rejected both our children. I didn’t seem to be enough. I tried. And yes it’s amazing how nature makes it that they want to venture out on their own. And make their own mistakes. And as a mother you are looking on and they don’t want our help. I didn’t have any offers of help from my mum so I think that’s how I tried to be there for my kids. Anyway I’m back to being up all night and sleeping during the day. Which caused my counselling to stop as I wasn’t awake when she foned. Best wishes to you. Meg.x
Oh Meg I’m so sorry your counselling didn’t seem to press the right buttons. As with everything there is no one size fits all and one counsellor might be good for someone and not for someone else, so please don’t stop trying with the counselling. I know as well as Sue Ryder you can get help from mariecurie.org.uk a chat box will come up when you look them up, available up to 6pm. Also never forget Samaritans who have a freephone on 116 123 they are trained to be there for you in dire time and they are 24/7. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and we aren’t privy to it until it’s too late. Something that was told to me when I was coming through a really horrendous experience was this - you did your best at the time with the knowledge that you had at that time. That’s all you can do but as humans we beat ourselves up as it is so easy to do but it gets us nowhere and our lost loved ones wouldn’t want us doing that. I’m so sorry you’re world is turned upside down and only time will help you heal but please please try to take care of yourself even in this upside down world as you matter and your daughter wouldn’t want this. She is always with you in your heart as is my Mum. Not enough i know but the tragic reality of the place we are in. Sending you hugs and best wishes and please keep in touch if you can. Love Sheila xx
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Thank you so much Sheila for your kind reply. I am doing what I can to get my act together for the sake of my grandkids. Best wishes to you.xx
Hi Meg glad you found my message and i’m sending you bucket loads of support in your efforts to get yourself back together again. It won’t mean you don’t miss her, think of her constantly, or love her any more, it will just mean you are surviving this awful load and learning to live with it in your life. It’s not easy is it, it’s hard and painful and really like a rollercoaster up and down and up and down. When down you think you will never get back up again but the human spirit is undeniably strong when it needs to be and we cope with the most horrendous of times sometimes and yes your grandchildren need your help and support very much so, so keeping yourself pulled together can only be a great bonus for them in this really really sad time. Much strength and support being sent your way and remember you are never alone. There are so many others here who know how hard this all is and will do their best to try and help you along the way. Love Sheila 
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Dear Sheila,
Thank you so.much for your reply. I managed with the help of my grandson to get him, his sister and me all out for a meal. This was about 10 days ago.
It was lovely gentle and peaceful. It was wonderful for me to be with them. It is about a year and 9 month since my daughter (their mum) passed.
Every little bit helps. It is 2.37 am so I will close now. Blessings to you for healing and strength to cope with our losses.
Best of wishes, Meg.xxxx
Dear Meg bless you and how brilliant that you managed to get out with the children and enjoyed not only their company but the gentleness and peace that came with it. Your daughter’s influence I’m sure xx. You so rightly say, every little bit helps and it sure does. The agony of their loss will always be with us throughout our days but we still have to keep going forward and try to enjoy whatever we can, hard as it is. They would have wanted that for us. Your next goal ‘every bit helps’ get them out again and enjoy them as your daughter would want you to. Many blessings love and healing being sent and don’t forget to look after yourself. You can do this. Love Sheila xxx
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Thank you Sheila so much for you kind reply. Still not got full energy back but I’m working on it. Planning to go to a keep fit class for over 50s which is near. I used to feel energised years ago when I went. So here’s hoping.x blessings to you and all you hold dear.xxxx.meg.xx
Oooh that sounds great Meg hope it all goes well and you find some energy from it. Just getting out and doing it will make you feel proud of yourself so well done on the plan. We can only keep trying can’t we Meg. Blessings right back at you my dear. Sheila xx
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Many thanks Sheila. Not having an energetic Sunday so hope getting out tomorrow will help. Xx best wishes.