I’m Andy i lost my daughter 6 years ago she was still born and weighed 8pd 5oz I’ve never seeked any help in talking to people about what happened and 6 years on I still struggle at Christmas. Birthday fathers day ect
Welcome to the community @Andymac, I’m really glad you found us as this is a great place to get support.
I’m really sorry to hear about your daughter, losing a child is incredibly challenging and it makes sense to hear that special days like Christmas, birthdays and Fathers Day are days in which you struggle even more.
Even though you lost your daughter 6 years ago, there’s no timeline for healing and it’s understandable that you’re still finding this hard. Always know that you’re not alone and you can post here anytime you want someone to talk to.
You mentioned that you never reached out for help before. I wanted to say that you’ve been really brave posting here. If you feel like you’d like to look into additional support such as online counselling or reading through articles with tips on coping, you can find out more on our website - https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help
You may also find it helpful reading through some posts from other members who have also lost a child - https://community.sueryder.org/c/losing-a-child/15
Keep reaching out to us, we’re here for you 
So sorry you lost your daughter @Andymac, such a horrific loss to endure.
I lost my sister in October and understand what immense grief feels like. I haven’t lost a child but my sister had a miscarriage and I know it affected her immensely, she read books about baby loss and did consider counselling - perhaps speaking to someone in person about your grief will help you work through the thoughts and feelings you are struggling with.