I discovered this site a few minute ago while looking for online grief support. I’m so mentally and emotionally exhausted that I just clicked the first link and hoped for the best.
My FIL passed away the morning of March 17, 2022. He left his property and home to me and my husband, and we moved out here the first week of May. Now that we’ve settled in and started working on the land, the grief is hitting me like a freight train. I’m having trouble getting up in the morning (although my cats help with that). The insomnia is getting worse, and my mind is plagued with nightmares when I finally do fall asleep. He was a truly decent man, and one of the few people who genuinely understood me and my problems with C-PTSD. He knew about my non-binary identification before I said anything, and subtly let me know he’d figured it out and that this part of me would always be safe around him.
His main worry before dying was that I’d be happy out here, that I’d continue to feel safe. Even with the pain he was dealing with, both physically and with grieving his wife’s death, he wanted me to be happy. I feel like I’m failing him every time I forget to shower, or enjoy the outdoors, or I miss a meal because I’m too preoccupied with reminiscing about our conversations, or I’m fuming because his surviving family members in Nebraska left my husband and I to deal with the entire situation ourselves.
Floyd was 95 when he died. He lived a good, long life. I miss him so much it hurts.