Hi, my father passed in July this year after a sudden heart attack. He was in ICU and then Hospice. I have never experienced such pain, to watch him leave the world that way. He was my hero and my rock, he and my mom are the center of our family. Everything seems empty now without him.
I have been struggling with the continual, daily grief. My mom is lost without my dad, and she’s elderly and disabled so I am with her to care for her as much as I can be. But I’m exhausted and so depressed.
I feel so angry that many people around me don’t understand that I am not okay, that he’s only been gone for not even three months but somehow I’m supposed to be functioning normally. Even my husband doesn’t understand. Both of his parents are still alive and healthy.
People act as if, because he was my dad and older, I should be “over it” already! But he was so healthy!! I never even got to say goodbye or tell him I love him one more time!
Does anyone else feel alone in their grief? Why do people seem to think the loss of a parent is insignificant???
I’m so sorry for your loss. Yes, I’ve experienced that attitude too, that because they were elderly you should be able to get over it quickly and get back to normal. Losing a parent is often sort of brushed aside with a it’s life and it happens to everyone. Which might be true, but it doesn’t help at all.
Thankfully no one here at the forum think like that and there are lots of people who grieve deeply for their parents. Me included. I’ve lost then both, dad most recently, and I feel very alone in my grief as well. Sending hugs.
I feel your pain, I lost my dad in June, unexpected and under horrific circumstances tbh. Although being told I’m sorry for your loss doesn’t really help I want to acknowledge the pain you are experiencing.
It’s as though you understand why people don’t understand if they’ve not been through it but it makes you angry that they don’t and if I’m being honest makes me want to scream and shout at them.
I think the forum (I’m a newbie too) is a kind way to support each other whilst trying to navigate our new worlds.
The loss of my dad sounds very similar to yours. He too looked after everyone and everything, and at 76 was as active as when he was 46. It’s just and it’s changed our lives forever. In your family, was your dad expected to outlive your mum? Mine was. He’d have preferred that. He wouldn’t have wanted mum to have to be here without him .
Thank you, Lucy! I’m so sad to hear about your loss too and send you prayers and hugs.
I agree, I feel irrationally angry at times that people don’t understand, but also I know until I went through it myself, I didn’t understand either.
Everyone says we have to grieve the way that we need to grieve, but this is just something people say. I’d like to stay in bed for a few months and just cry (though I realize probably not healthy), but I still have to go to work and function so I can’t do what I want.
Thank you, Burgled! I’m so sorry to hear your dad passed too.
Yes, my dad was so active, while my mom has had health issues recently, so we were shocked when dad died so suddenly. My mom is struggling so much. Is your mom living alone now?
Thankyou, that’s the thing isn’t it we want to be able to ride the wave of grief but we have to do the practical things whether we like it or not.
I try to keep busy which I know isn’t necessarily healthy either but the waves of grief or tsunami’s as me and mum call them on an overwhelming day are not always at a convenient time or place to ride them I.e at work or in a
Supermarket. I am trying to be kinder to myself and let it happen if I’m at home or in safe company as battling against it as I’m sure you know is just as difficult so why not become comfortable with being uncomfortable.
My brother lives next door to my mum, and goes over every day. My sister lives half a mile away and visits about once a week. And I live 1.5 miles away but have been staying and working at my mum’s most of the time. I’m trying to stay 1 night a week at mine, and sell or rent my house out in the spring and move closer to mum. Thankfully she does enjoy her own space, but I don’t like to be away from her for long, now.
I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. I can completely relate to what you are saying as my dad died in June this year and have found that people just don’t ask if you are ok or how you are coping. Most of my friends haven’t text or checked in with me since the funeral. It seems like because your parent was older or unwell that you aren’t supposed to feel their loss. My husband has been fantastic but my sister in law, pretty much told me to get on with it and get back to normal. I feel very alone with my grief so I understand where you are coming from. I guess people are busy with their own lives so don’t think about it
I’m sorry for your loss l lost my father in June this year suddenly he was 84 .I struggle every day and have a inquest into his death next week . I know life will be hard from now on .
Yes, I’ve experienced that attitude too, that because they were elderly you should be able to get over it quickly and get back to normal. Losing a parent is often sort of brushed aside with a it’s life and it happens to everyone. Which might be true, but it doesn’t help at all.
and it’s changed our lives forever. In your family, was your dad expected to outlive your mum? Mine was. He’d have preferred that. He wouldn’t have wanted mum to have to be here without him 
.