My fiancé died on 20th January this year … I’m struggling to come to terms with whats happened . Every day is hard . I had to quit my job because under the circumstance I couldn’t carry on working there .
Some days I’m ok … that’s the easiest term I can’t use at the moment I guess …
Other days I’m worse … my sleep pattern is all over the place … I cry every day … I can’t stop thinking about her gone …
it’s hurting me so much … I’ve get suicidal tendencies … I can’t seem to focus or concentrate on anything … I have family and friends around me sometimes … but when I’m alone in the house we shared I feel so lost and empty .
My fiancé was only 28 years old. we was planning our lives together and was going to get married next year July the 20th . Which would have been the 6 year anniversary of us meeting …
I just feel they my life without her just isn’t worth anything anymore …
she was my whole world … and now she’s gone
I feel so lonely .
Hi Minty71,
Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your fianceé at such a young age. It is understandable that you are feeling lost.
You say that you have suicidal tendencies - have you talked to anyone about this, and do you have any support? I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling. If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately. There is lots of other support out there, including:
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The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).
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You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
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Cruse Bereavement offers a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services
You deserve care and support so please, Minty71, get in touch with one of these services.
I’m glad that you have found this site, and I hope that it helps to be able to share how you are feeling here. You are among people who understand. While you wait for more replies to this post, it may help you to read and reply to some recent conversations between others who have lost a partner.
For example, MarkyB has lost his wife very shortly after they were married: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/life-after-losing-my-beautiful-ynez
If there is anything I can help with, or you have any questions about this site, just let me know.
Hi,
I know it’s hard, one thing I would say is please try to forget any suicidal tendencies. My husband commited suicide a week ago leaving me to bring up 3 children on my own, it’s the people you leave behind that then have their own void to fill at losing you too. Try to appreciate some of the good in life like the birds singing in the morning and how lucky you are to be alive,I assume you are still fairly young too. You will never get over your fiance but you still have so much life left to live, please don’t give up on it.
Here if you want a chat.
Thank you, I haven’t had thoughts of ending my life past few weeks … I’ve just been trying to fight the urges … I still cry everyday …and hurt inside . Things just don’t seem to get better and I feel like I’m going to be feeling all this hurt the rest of my life …
my fiancé was younger than me … by 18 years . However we had such a great connection and bonded so so well ,
Loosing her has killed me … we had so many good things planned for ourselves …
It’s heartbreaking we can do them now …
I feel so alone… I miss her not with me anymore …
Hi i no exactly how ur feeling i feel the same its like a part of u dies when u lose a loved and u think the pain and tears will never end and yes I’ve thought about joining my partner just to take the pain away but i think of my family when i have thoughts like that because no way would I want to let them suffer the pain I’m going through and that does help me sending hugs to u at this lonely time. Debbie
Thank you , yes when I think of my family and Friends it stops me doing something to myself .
But at times the pain becomes so much I think it’s the only way to make it stop .
My fiancé would never want me to do that to myself, but it hurts so much that she isn’t here with me anymore.
she never deserved to die … it was unjustified and wrong,she had her whole life ahead of her. She wasn’t ill or dying of a sickness … it was all so sudden and a massive shock to everyone …
The loneliness I feel is so overbearing some times I don’t know how I’m going to carry on.
Sorry minty71 to hear about your sad loss, I lost my wife Bal 4 months ago nearly and I too tried thinking about taking my life, but I got help instead from my GP, now being helped by Birmingham Healthy Minds, who visit daily to make sure I’m ok.
I’ve lost 18kgs in weight just can’t eat without Bal, I’m taking anti-depressants daily.
My life to has been traumatically turned upside/down.
I know how you feel just take one step at a time and each day as it comes, good/bad.
Please think of your family /friends and as I tried to commit suicide Don’t.
Help us always here as you can see from the forums on this site, were not alone in our suffering.
I have three kids to think off, although family has deserted me,im alone and trying to cope with life, circumstances presently.
Take care minty71.
Ravinder.
Sorry minty71 to hear about your sad loss, I lost my wife Bal 4 months ago nearly and I too tried thinking about taking my life, but I got help instead from my GP, now being helped by Birmingham Healthy Minds, who visit daily to make sure I’m ok.
I’ve lost 18kgs in weight just can’t eat without Bal, I’m taking anti-depressants daily.
My life to has been traumatically turned upside/down.
I know how you feel just take one step at a time and each day as it comes, good/bad.
Please think of your family /friends and as I tried to commit suicide Don’t.
Help us always here as you can see from the forums on this site, were not alone in our suffering.
I have three kids to think off, although family has deserted me,im alone and trying to cope with life, circumstances presently.
Take care minty71.
Ravinder.
I have just lost my dearest partner 6 weeks ago.He gave up after 2 years fighting with terminal lung cancer.Even I known he would leave me someday but I never prepare for this.I stayed with him 24hours everyday in this horrible battle.I cried a lot but never did front of him cause i didn’t make him feel down,tried to make him positive but inside my heart was broken. My partner passes away at home and suffocated untill death.My heart absolutely was broken.He was center of my world ,love of my life.I love him so much.I gave up my job to come to UK for taking care of him and spent much time I can for him.Lost him i lost everything,I did think about give up my life cause i cant cope with lost my dearest love.I just come back my country after his funeral and I feel really real that I lost him forever.I’m 26 now and so young to suffer this.I dont know how to make me just a bit better now…
Im sorry to hear of your loss Tam, I know how you feel, as i have just lost my wife of 46yrs to MND two weeks ago. The feelings you have, i have myself, totally lost. You are not alone in this suffering. keep in touch with this site (club). Theres lots of advice and tips, that are certainly helpful to me. John.
Hi Neil. I’m so sorry to hear your fiancé died but you have come to the right place for advice and understanding as we are all going through some sort of grief at different stages. I’m glad you’ve admitted to suicidal thoughts here rather than keep them to yourself and I notice that people have given you advice about this. I’ve felt the same but what kept me going was thinking about my family and my husband, who died in November. They don’t deserve that. Life can be very bleak and dark for us all at times but do reach out, either here, to a good friend or family member or, when you think you are ready, perhaps seek counselling for support. Neil, you are not alone in what you are going through. Do you write about how you are feeling? I fill pages with all my angst and grief. Be kind to yourself, don’t expect too much too soon, take small steps and when you feel the grief overwhelming you, just sit down and let it out, in any way you want. Crying, wailing, shouting anything. Do what you feel like. Above all, know you have friends here. This time WILL pass and get better. We’re all clinging on to that. Take care. Gilli