We celebrated our Golden Wedding at the end of October 2020 (Halloween) and a week later he became ill, diagnosed with pneumonia, though had breathing problems wasn’t put on oxygen. Did get tested for Covid but didn’t get the result and a few days later got discharged. Was at home for a few days, went downhill fast, called the ambulance out and was put on oxygen straight away. I didn’t see him, or talk to him because he was on oxygen, for 5 weeks until the last two days of his life and that was only through the window of the door to his ward. He died on December 11th 2020 which was also our son-in-law’s 50th birthday! His death certificate stated he died of pneumonia, Covid and multiple organ failure but what I don’t understand is why did he keep up with all the vaccinations going, the flu and even the pneumonia one and yet he got pneumonia!
At the beginning your time is taken up with arranging the funeral, sorting wills, probate, informing the necessary parties of his death and in a way it was a good job I looked after all the paperwork, bank statements, direct debits, etc because my husband didn’t have a clue left it all to me because I used to work in an office!!
After having his ‘wake’ (I chose what would have been his 75th birthday on 27th June), things died down drastically, no phone calls lasting an hour or more, no visitors or offers of help. I manage to keep myself busy in the day but it’s at night when you’re on your own and you’ve got no-one to moan to or discuss highlights of your day. It has been suggested I get a dog. Still thinking about it as I used to volunteer at a couple of places before the pandemic and hopefully get back to it soon, so a dog might be too much of a burden.
I felt the loneliness more when I attended my granddaughters wedding at the weekend. She should have got married a year last May when my husband would have been alive to see his granddaughter go down the aisle. It was a lovely wedding in a lovely setting, they had placed a photograph of my husband holding our great grandson when he was baby on a table with a lit candle and he was mentioned in my son-in-law’s speech (the father of the bride) and by the groom, which I thought was a very nice touch and made me rather tearful.
I don’t know if it will get easier because I know one or two widows whose husbands died several years ago and yet they still feel their loss. I’m trying to be strong and carry on but it can be difficult when you’re used to relying on your husband to partner you to functions, days out, holidays as well as seeing to DIY jobs round the house.
Sorry gone on a bit but it’s my first conversation on this site and as they say, it helps to talk!
Lydia
Hello Lydia
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband, I lost my lovely husband last month so it’s still very raw for me, but I agree the worst part is in the evening, once my kids are in bed I miss ‘our’ time, going over our days, moaning about work, just being us. It’s lovely that your granddaughter chose to remember her grandad at their wedding,
I have found this site to be a great support this last few weeks, to have people understand me and for me to know that how I feel is how it is has been so important.
Sending hugs
Natasha x
Hi to you both and I am very pleased that you both have joined the site, it’s what it is here for and all of us have lost some special. Some days are harder then others but somehow we get through them. I like to think it makes us a stronger individual but then on those bad days I am not sure.
I think it’s important to keep our loved ones memory alive and not push it under a thick blanket that no one should lift. They are still a part of who we are. Keep safe and always be proud of how the outside world sees you. S xx
Hello Natasha (that was my mum’s name!)
Yes it must still be raw for you only after a month, I can only remember that I was somewhere else in my head, and that Christmas and New Year was spent in ‘zombie’ land! Like you say glad to have found this site and can ‘talk’ to people who are in a similar situation.
Lydia