Loss of my husband

I lost my husband 2 months ago, he was my whole life, I cared for him for nearly 9 years, he was diagnosed with copd. 2 years ago he went into hospital with a chest infection, after a week I was told he had 3 months to live, I was devastated he didn’t want to go into hospice he wanted to come home, for nearly 2 years he fought every day, he struggled to breath all the time. On the day he passed I took our granddaughter swimming then went shopping when I came home I found him, I was in such a panic and shocked I didn’t know what to do first. I’m still in shock, depressed and miss him so much, every night I ask him to come and get me, as I want to be with him.

Hi Dusty22,

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed. I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here.

There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling. The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org). You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

We offer online bereavement counselling to members of this community. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling.

You deserve care and support so please, Dusty22, get in touch with one of these services. If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,

Online Community team

Hello Dusty. I lost my husband to cancer in November 2019. I nursed him at home for 3 months until he died during the early hours of the morning. He was so poorly, couldn swallow properly and had trouble breathing. He lost loads of weight and was so fragile and weak at the end. I keep going through this in mye head as i suffered with him and couldnt do anything to help him. Now i suffer anxiety every day and miss him so much. I have wished to be with him too. But i have a dog which we both love so much so i have to keep going cause i cant leave her. Im like you heartbroken and wondering what the future holds. At he movent it is just filled with so much saddness. I am waiting for councelling but unfotunately there is a 3 months waiting list. So sorry for you i know how hard it is. If we can talk to others maybe it will help. That is what i am hoping.

Hi Eileen, My story is very similar to you except that I am a year further on than you. I too nursed my husband at home single handed as that is how he wanted it. I watched him lose weight and become so fragile that he couldn’t do anything for himself and like you I felt so helpless. I did suffer exactly the same anxiety and still do some days, blaming myself, why couldn’t I save him. Did I do enough or him??? I thought of going with him as he passed away early in the morning with just me with him…and our two dogs. However I looked at them and knew I couldn’t leave them as well as their dad. I was all they had. Being a year further on I have found that these emotions do dim just a little. It become a sort of acceptance and slowly you start to see a glimmer of light ahead of you. The heartbreak doesn’t leave you but you do learn to live with it. Like you I am alone with my dogs and there are many more on this forum in the same position so we understand. It will help you to put your feelings on here and we will all understand.