My husband passed away suddenly on 5th of march this year and im finding very difficult to come to terms with his death. Its took 6 weeks to have his funeral, which was last week. I still have no death certificate for him as awaiting coroners report.
I feel so lost without him and my emotions are all over the show. I want to cry, im angry, i feel hatred but most of all i feel sooo depressed and alone. I can’t face going back to work yet.
I just miss him so much
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@Stephkev I’m so sorry for your loss. You are probably very much still in shock from it all, it’s early days for you and all those emotions you are feeling are totally normal. It’s been 16 weeks since my amazing husband passed away aged 56 all I will say is take a day at a time and try to look after yourself. You won’t feel like eating, but try if you can. Drink water, I became dehydrated from all the crying so drink as much as you can, try to get sleep when and if you can, grieving is absolutely exhausting and you will find you get tired even doing the smallest of things.
Do you have any family and friends for support, if so lean on them and also post on here whenever you need to. This is a wonderfully supportive forum, remember you are not alone, take care x
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My husband was only 54 so not much younger than yours. Im sorry for loss too.
I am eating and drinking also trying to occupy myself by doing gardening but im not sleeping well.
I have many family and friends are supporting me but still feel so lonely.
Thank you for your message and you take care too x
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@Stephkev you are doing the brave and noble work … you have made it through having the funeral, you are managing the coroners reports and death certificates … it is all too much when we feel lost and depressed and alone.
I am now in the fifth month after my husband died suddenly also. Going back to work can be a diversion, but I agree it is so hard to face going back. I tried very hard for the last four months to get back in, “lean-in,” as they say. My job is very stressful, long hours and travel, and I severely overdid it. Had a breakdown in a hotel and had to fly myself home the next morning. Put in my resignation two weeks later. I wish I could’ve kept my job; there is something to the relative grief of losing a work family on top of losing one’s husband. I am hoping to scrimp and save enough to take time away to heal and recharge. Get back to work at something that has a benefit to the world (was just reading about Sue Ryder’s life, giving back to others when you feel lost yourself is very inspiring to me).
Keep coming here. Talk it out. Ask for help. Try not to let yourself get too down or feel too alone. When I get overwhelmed I tell myself what I used to tell my son, “make the world small, there’s just you, right here, and it’s okay.”
Sent with love and prayers for peaceful hearts and restful sleep. Xo
I’m not entirely sure where to begin or how to say the things that I want to say in response to your loss,I never am sure because we are all so different but with the common deniminator of losing the one person in our lives who somehow made us feel at peace,complete and just so happy.
Suddenly that is taken away for no discernible reason leaving you with a totally different life,one that you didn’t choose and one that you know nothing about. It changes how you see family and friends,how you feel about a job you once loved,how you once treasured that loving home shared with your husband. Basically you/we are now living on a different planet where most of those around us haven’t a clue about the pain and suffering that we’re going through,but then how could they ?
The age of your loved one and time together mean nothing,everything now is about the love you shared and expected to continue sharing and the pain of living with that knowledge of such an incredible loss.
The coming days,weeks and months will see you crying and feeling so desperate at times that you will feel like you’re going mad,the pain in your chest and inability to speak at times is normal. Everything you look at in your home will provoke painfull memories of you and Kev,where you went,where you bought something,a holiday photo,thoughts of silly things that you disagreed about,on and on it goes. In my case I stood on the bottom step on the beach across from my house and simply because of the insanity of this experience almost decided to join my wife.
My experience isn’t important in that we are grieving together you and I for the same reason but your grief will be very personal to you. I definitely know how you feel,I could easily sit and listen to you talk about Kev’ but I can’t advise you on what to do.
What I know is that no matter what you do,however loving and supportive your family and friends,grievance counselling and groups etc,the pain will come at different levels and ease when it’s ready,it never ever goes away so now I try to live with it and hope that it will ease as soon as possible.
Losing Kev’ will change you,at times you will wonder who this person is and that can be scary too.
Now for the good news ! Sadly there isn’t any and probably won’t be for quite a while but if it helps I can say that after 22 months everything feels the same in terms of the pain but at a less frequent occurence.
It’s worth remembering that however well intended friends and family are they will not know how to deal with this experience of yours unless they have been through it,you can help them by feeling pleased they haven’t been through it.
Take care,if possible I would take this cruel and nasty life away for all of us,it’s something I never expected,or know how to live with.
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Miker
I agree with everything you have said,
I lost my dearest Roger on 23 September 2024. I feel his loss every hour of every day
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Hello
I am really sorry that you are suffering, we all know the pain, it is unbearable.
My husband Mark died very unexpectedly, we had just returned from holiday, a couple of days before, I got up on January 8th this year and found him in his chair. The shock and devastation were unsurmountable, and our lives have changed so much.
It also took us quite a while to get the coroners report.
All of the feelings, anger, depressed and alone, they are all natural emotions, and I don’t think I will ever come to terms with my husbands death, it does not seem real, I cannot grasp the fact that I will never see or feel him again.
I miss him so much, I have had a couple of days work, but it was so difficult, it was too early and I was not ready for it.
I send you my love and condolences. This site has helped me a lot, there are so many people on here going through the same emotions, so don’t be afraid to talk about how you feel. xxx
Miker you have said everything we are all feeling unless you have experienced the loss of a husband/wife or partner you can’t understand the pain we are all going through it’s been seven months since my husband of 50 years left home for a game of tennis had a heart attack and died i was in total shock can’t even remember the funeral but the indescribable pain i feel is still there i have learned to cope better but life is meaningless now i feel as if part of me died too.
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