My Husband died if pancreatic cancer in February after being diagnosed the week before Christmas.
He didn’t have an easy time and really suffered. I am absolutely broken and can’t believe what’s happened. I feel like part of me died with him. I’m not living just existing and struggling to get through each day since he died. I really hate feeling like this.
Hi and welcome
I’m so sorry for your loss, pancreatic cancer is so cruel, it’s the speed and suffering that is so frightening. I lost my lovely husband 24 weeks ago this evening, to this dreadful disease after only 6 weeks. The suffering he went through will live with me forever, after going to Dr’s and A&E so many times, only for them to send him home with antibiotics and other tablets. Why can’t we do things better when it comes to this disease, they’re making no progress at all.
He had just turned 60, just 12 days previously in hospital and he told them very early on that his wish was to come home to me, which they didn’t fulfill. We didn’t have kids, so now I face life alone without my soulmate.
Those early days of this awful path are tough, just keep talking to him and about him. I have Ray’s photo in front of me and talk to him all the time. Cry and get it all out. I know eating and sleeping were very hard for me, I couldn’t stand the taste of food. And most important don’t think of the future now, just take it hour by hour, focus on doing what you have to do.
Take care and we are all here to help you x
Dear j9
I am so sorry you too have lost your husband, welcome to this group none of us wanted to join.
Like Peg said take it one day at a time. Don’t think of the future just get through the next day, hour or minute.
Eating and sleeping are a big problem for all of us, eat what you can when you can and keep drinking. We just have to do the basics for now to get through the days.
There are a lot of amazing people in this group with great advice. Search here for anything that’s worrying you or just post and people will be along with what has helped them.
All of this is a nightmare we have to live with but things do get easier. Read some of the previous posts, they have given me hope I can do this.
Take care, Helen x
I am so sorry for your loss , like @Helen39 and @Peg2 . Has said you need to take things slowly. And just get through your days . Try to eat, drink and sleep when you can . Just focus on doing 1 thing a day . None of wanted to be on this emotional rollercoaster. Post on here when you are up to it. They are lovely supportive people here .
Hi @J9.1162 I am so sorry for your loss. As the others have already said, this is a very nice community. The people here have all been through similar horrible things in their lives and can understand what you are going through. We are all here seeking support and any of us will be happy to support you if and when you need it. Try to be kind to yourself and take care, Matt x
Hi J9 I’m really sorry to hear about your situation and how fast everything progressed. My wife died on Christmas day but she survived two years with bile duct cancer even though the initial diagnosis was 5 months. That gave her time to come to terms with it. I really hope you find strength and receive all the support you need now.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
So sorry for your loss, your grief is still very early. I’m six months in after my partner’s sudden death. I wish I could say it gets easier soon but grief follows a course which is different for everyone. If you have family or friends lean on them as much as possible. Losing a partner/spouse is very difficult as you were with that person daily. I still cry everyday especially when I have memories triggered by something. Try to look after yourself, take care.
Thankyou
I’ve never known pain like it and trying to take one day at a time but right now I just want to hide away.
Its a life that I hadn’t planned and don’t want to go through but know I have no choice.
Hi
Thankyou for your response. Your experience is very similar to what we went through a trip to A&E resulted in being told Steve had pancreatic cancer.
Everything went down hill beginning of January so quick so unfair and was cruel to see him suffering.
Resulted in beginning of February they withdrew all his medication told him hed days to live and they couldn’t do any more for him. He ended up in the hospice where he died two weeks later.
This is a life I don’t want and feel I’m just existing.
So sorry for your loss and you’ve found yourself on this path you didn’t ask for. I’m only 10 weeks in and the people on here have been such a comfort, especially during those first few weeks. Like everyone, try to eat a little, drink water and rest when you can. Keep checking in here, it really helps when you’re at your lowest. Sending hugs 
Hi @J9.1162 That is a perfectly natural reaction to hide from the pain of living, without your loved one, whilst you alone know just how much you have lost from your life. You are totally correct that no one plans for it, but I believe they would want us to carry on in their name and honour them by living our best lives and showing others what it is like to be cared for and showing compassion to others that need it more than ourselves. I know that I don’t have all the answers (no one does or can) but I hope you can take a bit of solace from knowing you are not alone, both in your feelings and in your lived experience. My hope for you, is that today is a little bit better than yesterday and tomorrow is better again still. Take care, Matt x
Hi hun I’m new here too.
I’m so sorry to hear of your husband. Bless your heart.
I lost my husband 3 weeks ago. He was my everything like I’m sure yours was to you. My husband had a cardiac arrest outside our home in the ambulance and felt that he left me at that time and I’ve felt empty ever since.
I hope you are trying to eat and get some rest. People keep telling you to do this and you know it’s true but it’s way easier said than done x
Thankyou for your message.
I’m so sorry about your loss too and hope you are managing to get through each day the best you can.
I have lost twin boys and both my parents but losing a husband has broken me.
I understand how you feel about hiding away , I felt like as well . My husband also died suddenly a heart attack.In the first few months I only went were I needed to go .I just wanted to hide from the world. After a few months I realised I couldn’t live like a hermit. I started to go out and gradually my self confidence is returning. Sending you best wishes. Take Care 
Hi J9, The truth is that life after the death of ones other half is so difficult. We spend years intertwining our souls to point where we no longer need to talk. We understand our loved ones so completely as if have we had become one entity. Now left on our own we have to relearn what we had happily forgotten, how to live alone. I hope you find enough strength to cope day by day and that it becomes incrementally a little easier.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
Morning Tom
Your words are so true and very well put together. They have great meaning.
Thanks
Sometimes hiding away is all you can manage. Some days are just like that. Gradually you will be able to cope with your loss, the pain and sadness will eventually be more manageable even though your life is very different. I’m almost 7 months now after my lovely partner’s sudden death. I still have days I just don’t open the curtains.
Hi Leecol, so sorry for your loss, My lovely husband died of a cardiac arrest 7 weeks ago today and the shock the first few weeks was horrible. Sending you a big hug!!!