Loss of my husband

In December 2016 my husband was told he had sciatica in his back, over the next 7 weeks the pain got so bad he begged me to get him to hospital, so on the 27th Feb 2017, after a 9 hr wait on an ambulance, he was taken to hospital. He was given an xray and taken to a ward. The next day when I went to visit he was jyst coming back from having another xray and it was then we were told that he had a tumour the size of a grapefruit on the bottom of his spine. Fast forward to first week in April, after having double pneumonia we were told there was nothing more they could do for him. I took him home and cared fir him till he passed away on the 29th April 2017. The pain I have gone through is nothing that I have felt before so much so that on the 7th June I tried to commit suicide, sadly I didn’t get any help and I tried again on the 25th June. This is why I am here telling you my story.

Hi Gill,

Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. It’s a very sad story, and over here you will find people who will listen to you without ever judging you.

I really hope you no longer feel like self-harming, there is help available for you from professionals if you are still experiencing such feelings, you seem like a wonderful person and you deserve to be happier than you are, and hopefully, with time, things will improve for you.

Thank you Abdullah, but I have found that the professionals don’t really want to help and that’s why I have came here. Talking about what happened helps me as a feel so angry that he left me and am a very private person and won’t tell anybody how I am feeling.

Hi Gill,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. They say time is a great healer, but It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling really overwhelmed.

I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently offering face-to-face appointments, but will usually be offering telephone or online alternatives.

I’m not sure whether you have contacted any bereavement services, but I would also recommend Cruse Bereavement. They offer a helpline, email support, counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services.

You deserve care and support so please, Gill, get in touch with one of these services.

If you feel you are still at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,


I can understand how you feel, Gill, mental health professionals can be a bit hit and miss, I have suffered with depression on and off since I was 13, some of the counsellors I had were not good for me and I really disliked seeing them, yet some were very good, maybe you could go and ask your GP to see someone else? @Audrey has written an excellent message with a lot of links to a lot of resources that you can choose from.

If you are not currently suicidal and feel that you will be better off talking to people here, then that is totally fine, here you will find a place where you can express your anger and sorrow and you will not be judged for it, instead you will get nothing but a sympathetic ear.

Yes my doctor has referred me but don’t know how long it will take for me to see someone. My daughter has been amazing foning everywhere she could to try get me help, she was told a will be appointed a community psychiatric nurse and maybe also district nurses as I am an insulin dependant diabetic and it was insulin overdoses that I used for suicide attempts. But I will keep talking here as that’s all I need is to talk.

Hi Gill. I’m sorry and there are no words other than I do along with others understand. I lost my wife aged 53 suddenly 28 may with no warning. I felt so alone that I did not want to continue. The pain is so intense and you will find many here that understands how devastating it is.
Use this site anytime day or night. Often I’m on here in the early hours especially when feeling low.

Keep safe.

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Good morning people, God a feel so down again today, omg this lockdown has a lot to answer for and so has the bloody weather lol I want to go into town shopping but the fear of having to wear a fask mask is scary!!!

Hi Gill, you’re correct, lockdown can make things depressing for many people, especially for you, as your previous message states that you have diabetes and so you have to be extra careful when you are outside. And the weather sure doesn’t help, it is overcast and miserable here in the South East, normally I would try and walk to the promenade and you’ll see families and people sitting on the benches and grass, but today it is difficult to motivate myself to go as hardly anyone will be there and that just makes it more depressing.

Hope your day gets better.

Had such a bad day, can’t stop thinking bout my husband Ian and how I so want to be with him this is always how it starts then I just get deeper into the black hole but now I can talk about it and it’s making me feel better hopefully it’ll be a better day tomorrow

Sorry to hear that Gill, how are you this morning? Do you have any plans for the day?

Ffor some people their terrible grief lasts for a few weeks, for others months, some a year, and then there are people who are still really struggling after a few years, like you. It must be quite frustrating when people say “it gets better” when you have suffered for so many years and it doesn’t seem to have got better, I guess the main thing is in such situations to not keep worrying about getting better, and take things day by day, hour by hour, there are stories of people who suffered for many years and then did get better, the grief was always there but they were able to have some sort of “normal life” where the number of bad days were reduced significantly, you seem to have struggled with not being able to express yourserlf, well here you can, and hopefully that will help you, it isn’t a magic bullet here at these forums but what a lot of people do find is that it does help.

Hi Gill
I totally relate to how your morning start. It’s like I’m copying you. Just share on here as there are many who have or are going through what your experiencing.
Every morning for s good few hours I’m holding her pillows in tears. And the pain is unreal.

It really is such a struggle but I know I will get there as will u, we have to stay strong and we will with these conversations

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Good morning Abdullah, am doing OK this morning so far, had my usual wobble like I do every morning when I open my eyes but am hoping it’s going to be a better day just a pity about the weather

Glad to hear you’re doing ok, often for us ok is good enough, the weather here is sunny, which makes it easier, I do drive but don’t really feel like driving anywhere these days so just walk into town, which is always better when it is sunny, hope the weather improves where you are soon and you’re able to go out for a bit if you want to.

Oh it’s like winter here in Scotland lol its raining and very windy so a defo won’t be venturing out today
I had a memory pop up on my fb and omg did it make me cry, still feels like yesterday that Ian was here I have photos of him everywhere and I still have his ashes here in the house with me, can’t bear not to be without him

Sorry to hear you cried, photos can do that, my mum loves looking at dad’s photos, I can’t, just have his photo with me as a baby as my WhatsApp picture, other than that never look at his pictures.

I went to Scotland once, Glasgow in 2012, and it just rained most of the time lol, it’s hot and sunny here, went out wearing a jacket and was sweating by the time that I got home.

Are you going to go out during the week? You mentioned you wanted to go to the shops, if you do, please do wear a mask, masks are effective when both people close by are wearing them, but even if you are wearing a mask and the other person isn’t, it can still offer some protection.

Yes I will be going out this week and I have bought plenty of masks it’s going to be so scary but it has to be done and I think this will be the new normal!
How are u doing today?

It’s difficult to kill time when you don’t feel like doing anything, I used to love football but now put on the match and switch off after 15 minutes as I have no interest in anything…

That’s good you’re going to go out and are stocked up on masks, Scotland does have a lower infection rate so your likelihood of coming in contact with someone who is carrying the virus is significantly lower than parts of England, but it
is better to be safe than sorry and if someone gets too close to you do feel free to tell them to maintain a 2 metre distance, too many people are unfortunately not respecting this anymore.