Loss of my husband

Hi, i lost my husband suddenly aged just 53 in May this year and im struggling, i miss him so much, he was my world.
In June last year we caught covid, my husband was a very fit man loved doing his weight lifting and knew something wasnt right, he went to the doctors they did basic tests all clear and arranged for him to have a scan at hospital but it was going to take months, so he arranged to go private with his work. He was told he could carry on as normal. He was at home and collapsed while exercising and was unconscious but breathing i opened up his airways and bought him round, we spoke to consultant about what had happened and they put it down to low blood sugar.
He had the scan and they found at some point he had had a heart attack which left us in shock, he was told he would need to have stents fitted. He went for proceedure but when they were doing it they found stents wouldn’t work and he needed a double or triple heart bypass, we were both numb
While all of this was happening our dog was on end of life he was our baby we have no children, we lost him on may 6th.
My husband was told he was low risk and he was fine to carry on exercising, he was doing a warm up and again i found him collapsed this time not breathing, i called ambulance and was talked through cpr it seemed to take forever for ambulance to arrive, they took over and worked on him for an hour while i cried and begged him to be ok, they couldn’t get him back.
My life feels like its over im 46 and he was my one and only, my soul mate, we did everything together and I feel completely lost, angry that we have been torn apart and although i have support from family and friends its not the same, its my husband i want, i lost him may 16th just 10 days after my dog and I just feel like i have been left behind


It’s such an awful feeling, surviving, when they cant. You do question why, when they are so young and apparently healthy, doing everything the book says to be healthy.
My partner was 49, I question why every day, not in a negative way but to understand why. I need logical answers and there are none.
I’m now 58 and it’s been nearly 9 months since he had a cardiac arrest and died instantly. He wouldn’t have even known what was happening, it was that quick. He just said he felt dizzy and switched off.

It is hard but we do go on, the days happen whether we want them to or not. Initially I focused on the next hour, then day and live by that. I’m in a much better place now but still have bad days. It’s our anniversary tomorrow, Christmas is unsettling me and then the first year since he died and wondering whether I should scatter his ashes.

This wasn’t my plans for this year at all and it still shocks me at times that I’m going through this wtf!

However I also know I’m in a much better place than some and I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful for the relationship we had and whatever my future is, I believe he will guide me through it. Life goes on, how I live it is down to me and I do want to be happy rather than sad all the time.

I believe he is with you, just not the way you wanted and it will get easier, just takes time and effort to deal with it.


Life is so sad … i miss mý husband everyday ! I just want him back so i can have a hug :frowning: its so difficult even 10 months into this bloody nightmare ! Xx

1 Like

Hi I lost my husband very suddenly 5 weeks, like you my husband was the love of my life and I’m literally broken without him. He was only 44 and we were away on holiday. It feels like I’m stuck in a nightmare. I don’t know what to do without him :broken_heart::broken_heart:


Oh @Helen24 I’m so sorry this has happened to you. It’s so tragic any time but when you’re so young, I can’t fathom it.

Keep reaching out on here, it’s good to share and chat.


Hi Ali I’m chatting to 2 women from here who have very similar stories to mine. It is helping but the pain is horrendous and I’m still hugely in denial. It’s his funeral on Wednesday and I can’t breath at the thought of it.x

The funeral was hard to face but actually was a lovely day. The day after was harder. Everyone else sees it as closure. For us, it’s the first day of reality, the first day knowing that it’s done, they can’t come back now.
I’ve made a bunch of friends on here, all at a similar stage, it’s been by far the best support.
I hope all goes well on Wednesday.


Things will be as tough as you expect, but there will be moments of beauty you have never imagined. Take it in