Loss of my husband

I recently lost my husband 8 weeks ago and the father to our 3 beautiful children who are 12,4,1 my husband was only 29 when he passed away so very young I’m struggling to cope with his loss at the moment I’m also struggling with me 3 children also as where I live I don’t have any support I’m on my own all my family and my husbands family live over in Smethwick and I live in wednesbury in the west Midlands I’m in a very dark place at the moment I’m really struggling to cope with his death it was so quick he was in hospital for a week and on the Monday I left him he was ok on the Tuesday morning I had a phonecall to say I needed to go up he was in critical condition I got up there for them to say I need to wait in the relatives room why they stabilised him to take him for a CT scan they come back and said we can go and speak to him before they put him into an induced coma last words he said was it’s all through me look after the kids and I love u all that was the last I spoke to him within a few hours he was gone the hospital said that what he died of was very rare but on his coroner report it’s got multiple organ failure and septasimua we asked them if it was that and they said no I just can’t get my head around him not being here anymore


@Charl33 oh my dear my heart goes out to you. You were both so young and to be left alone with three young children to take care of. I honestly don’t know what to say to you, it’s sad that you live so far away from your family. I hope you have some friends who can support you through this difficult time. I wish I lived closer to you as I would be able to offer you some practical help but I am not. I hope that there is someone in the Sue Ryder organisation that can offer you some practical advice and guidance :broken_heart:

Thankyou I don’t have anyone around where I live for support at all I speak to the teachers when I take my son to nursery but that’s about it I do have people that come over but they can’t come over everyday my support over here was my husband and now I don’t have him I’m truly lost I just don’t know how to cope anymore I’m trying my best for our children but it’s very hard my 4yr old is waiting for a diagnosis for autism and ADHD so his a handful aswell but like say my support was my husband over here I’m just utterly broken I really am I didn’t think I’d ever have to live my life without him at this age and his age :cry:

Oh @Charl33

You’re so young to be going through this.
And with no support.
I don’t know how I can help but all I can say is try and take it one step at a time.
Please keep posting on here.
We all know what its like to lose your reason for living.

Sending big hugs

Thankyou so much I just feel like my whole world has been taken away from us especially our children our 12yr old understands but our 4 year old keeps asking when his daddy is coming back from the hospital as that’s the last place he seen him and our 1 year old doesn’t understand as yet just keeps saying dada and looking for him

Hi Charl33, I’m so sorry for your loss. I also have young kids, although all are at school during the day, which helps. I know that the support of my husband is so hard to deal with he was my cheerleader and best friend, i felt like i could do anything because he was behind me. It’s so early and raw. And so hard with family far away.
Is there anyone to help with the school run? Also, are you entitled to berevement allowance, its a benefit from the government, but it isnt very well publicised. I pay for a cleaner to help out occasionally and I have had to accept that my kids eat mainly freezer food and more McDonald’s than i like to admit!
One step at a time, sending hugs to you all

Your children are very young and the younger ones will adjust and bounce back quite quickly
. The older one may take a bit longer. I was 15 when my father died and hard as it was I adjusted and carried on with my life.
My sisters husband died when she was 21 leaving her with a 1 year old so I do have some idea of what you’re going through. But I can’t imagine what its like completely on your own with 3 young children.
I shall be thinking of you, and hope talking on here helps

Love and hugs
Liz x

Thankyou I just didn’t think I’d have to live life without him right now I thought we would grow old together we had so many plans to do with the kids and holidays ect but now it just feels like it’s all been stolen away from us all x

There isn’t anyone that can help me no as most my family and my husbands family work in the day from the morning till afternoon so it’s very hard for me as my husband was all my support over here I only had him here and I get I think it’s £350 every month as I applied for a grant towards his funeral to pay for it as it was so expensive it’s been a very long process to have his final death as we’ve had to wait but we have made a formal complaint for medical negligence of my husband aswell x

It’s so hard, I’m sorry there isn’t anything I can offer to make it any easier.
Hopefully you will get some answers from your complaint. X

Well they’ve put it down to multiple organ failure and septasimua but we was telling them on the Monday that he had pains in his legs and going off colour ect and they laughed and said nothing we can do then early hour on Tuesday morning that when it all started couldn’t feel his legs struggling to breath ect we know he had a clot in his left ventrical of his heart and one in his right leg but they’ve said what he passed from was very very rare but I feel like when we asked if it was sepsis in ICU they told us no and clearly it was it’s just very hard it really is

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband at such a young age. Life is so unfair and cruel. You both have been robbed of your future dreams and plans. Have you tried WAY…widow and young? I know a couple of people who joined this organisation which seems very supportive. Take one step at a time and big big hugs xx

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Thankyou and I haven’t heard of that but will take a look into it thankyou I have my first session of counselling today because I’m in a really dark place at the moment I’m trying to stay so strong for our children but it’s just very hard when you’ve lost the love of your life and our future has been taken away

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Good morning @Charl33

I do hope your counselling goes well.
I understand you being in a dark place but I do hope that you manage to find some help

Thinking of you and the children

Love and hug to you all
Liz x

@Charl33 if you goggle bereavement allowance and go to the gov.uk website you should be able to apply online. It is £2,500 lump sum and £100 a month for 18 months and is not means tested. So
The only additional thing I had to do was take a copy of our marriage certificate to a job centre to be scanned as it is the only copy and I didn’t want to post it and it then get lost.
Hope this helps
Take care…Pete

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Thankyou so much I hope it helps too I’m going to his grave after I’ve finished counselling so I can have some time alone by myself with him to speak to him that’s the only time I feel close to him

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Thankyou will take a look into that

That will be good for you to be alone with him. It doesn’t matter if you cry.

I don’t know if it would help, of even if you’d have time with 3 young children, but I write to my husband every day. I just tell him about my day and what I’ve been up to. And I tell him how much I love and miss him. It’s usually accompanied by a lot of tears but thats ok.
I do find it helps me, it comforts me and keeps a connection to him
Its like a diary I suppose, and in years to come I will be able to look back and remember and maybe read it without the tears

Sending big hugs to you and the children
Liz x

Thankyou I have started writing a diary and I do a daily thing where I tag him in things on Facebook like quotes ect cuz I still like to do that for him I have started writing things down there alot of memories that come up with him that his also tagged me in so I share them aswell I do this when the kids go to bed everyday I have tears but nightmare is the worse where I just break down I’m not sleeping well at all since I lost him I sleep holding the last things he wore and cuddling the pillow that my brother had made for me with his pictures on with me him and the kids I have had tablets from the doctors to try and help me sleep but they’ve made no difference I’m still waking up struggling to get to sleep and stuff

Oh @Charl33
What you are going through is unfortunately normal. The broken sleep, the bad dreams and hopefully the good ones, but it all makes us cry.
Hopefully as time goes on you will find you are starting to cope.
I’m 13 weeks in now, and I do feel I’m beginning to cope, but that could all change tomorrow. We just have to go with the grief i’m afraid.

Thinking of you
Liz x