Loss of my mam

Struggling coming to terms with my mams death. Not sure how I am going to cope at her funeral. She passed away in hospital on 23rd December 2021 her funeral is on Wednesday 12th January. I was the only one of my family who could go and visit her in hospital the guilt of this has been really getting to me. Also it wasn’t her first visit in the last month and she told me she wanted to die at home. This also has been on my mind.

Hello Gail

I’m truly sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my Mum 9th December 2021. We had the service last week.

Mum had decided she wanted to wanted to stay home also, and this was in place, she had Alzheimer’s but was more poorly and the doctor said “it was the right thing to do”, so I pleaded with her to go for the sake of just a 1 day visit. But she didn’t come home. She passed away in an environment she didn’t deserve, no compassion, no consideration and I’ve spent all day today crying about it. On the other hand, if we hadn’t have gone after the Dr advised us to she would have still passed away but we’d then be thinking “if only” we had took the Drs advice, she may be OK now. So there’d have been guilt either way.
What I really wanted to say is I can understand you when you say “this is also on your mind.” If she’d been in already in the month you’d not be expecting the outcome to be any different. You had the best interests of your Mum in mind. I know that will be of no consolation but you gave her the opportunity of treatment. you gave her the best chance. I’m really sorry that you were only allowed one visitor, we were initially, before things progressed. We are often left with difficult emotions on top of the grief. I hope the feeling of guilt subsides, it doesn’t seem like it was in your control.
I can imagine you’ve been through a lot of emotions, numbness included so it’s ok to just “be”. I was anxious and fearful about the service but somehow, someway, you do get through it.

I’m sorry I can’t be more positive, but I wanted to send you some empathy and compassionate thoughts.

I’m sorry for your loss I lost my mum the 13th of December and my mums funeral is the same day as your mums. Like you I was the only one allowed to visit my mum in hospital. I’m struggling aswell with everythink at moment it certainly isn’t easy is it.


I am sorry to hear about your mum also. Thank you for your kind words. Yes I felt she deserved more compassion in hospital too.My dad has alzheimers also. He has had it for 7 years now. He still knows who his family is at the moment. Not sure in the coming months how mams death is going to affect his health. I’m not a religious person but mam was, so for some reason I’m waiting for sign from her to say everything is ok. My

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Hi Lou5

I am so sorry that you have lost your mum too. I know the funeral is the hard part. I don’t know about you, but because of Christmas and New Year I haven’t been able to actually think y too much about mams passing. My grown up children who came to stay and support me deserved a Christmas like any other so my focus has been them I think I’ve been totally numb. The closer it gets to the funeral the more my thoughts have been going around in my head about what I should of done or said. She new she was dying and left me little notes of what she wanted. This has been heartbreaking. I have been told with time the pain gets a little easier. I hope your pain becomes easier too. I will be thinking of your family too on the day of the funeral. All my love x

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I be thinking of you aswell. As I live with my mum the last few weeks I have just been organising mums funeral and putting things into my name so I haven’t really had time to greave yet. Like you I think the funeral will be hard and it hit me more afterwards xx

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