Hi this is the first time I’ve gone on some sort of shit like this. I am 54 and my mother who is 91 and very ill was living with me and past March 8. My birthday was March 25 and my father four years ago passed away in February. I am an only child with friends that don’t live here and STUART and everyone keeps telling me to call the people from hospice I talk to grieve the counselor I go to a shrink but they just prescribe medicine and they were just did it adjusted it. It’s only been three weeks and I was surrounded by people all the time, her caretakers and people coming in and out and now I live here alone with a lot of animals. I’m not working because the last job I had right after Thanksgiving I was going and having major anxiety attacks watching my mother decline as fast as she did and I they actually called 911 my whole body was sweaty even I have long hair my ponytail was wet it happens very severely and very often but as I said before the my doctor has changed a lot of medications. I thought I was fine not fine but better but today is just really bad and more person tells me I have to go to the effen hospice grief counselor who was annoying before she passed I might go insane. We were only with hospice for three weeks she was only on the morphine for one and a half days and died quicker than I thought. I don’t mean to sound like a brat but we used to have a lot of money and of coursePrivate healthcare has depleted the savings and I’m gonna have to share my little house with a stranger, and of course find another job in the week or two. I don’t know today it just hit me so hard watering my flowers which I planted For her to enjoy but she didn’t get to see the blooms now and that upset me anyway it sucks!
Hi Juliecane.
It’s truly heartbreaking when some of the kindness we have shown comes back to remind us of our grief like the flowers that you planted have. I’m sure your mum would have loved them.
My husband planted lots of flowering plants in our garden and never lived to see them flower. They were pansies, little faces smiling at me from their various pots. It’s only now, five years later that I can really appreciate their lovely little flowers, smiling like my husband did. 
🥲
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Well - I am goi g to plant a “Memorial Garden” with Uesterday, Today & Tomorrow plants. I just am so Sara and it seems like everyone in my life seems to rush me on- not ready.