My mum passed away last year november, it all happened really suddenly in the space of two weeks she had died. She lived abroad and at the time she was admitted to hospital nobody thought that it was serious. But from someone far away you felt useless depending on others to help and feedback information. My issues are thinking that i should have got on the plane immediately i knew mum was ill but i also thought that she would probably need me more in helping her to recover after release from hospital. Bottom line is every day i think that maybe i should have done things differently. I cried once when i got the news, went for the funeral and have been keeping busy ever since but some days are good, some days i just want to stay in bed and do absolutely nothing. Am very emotional, cry unexpectedly for silly things, become very sensitive words hurt me. Have problems dealing with it day to deal and feel i have nobody to talk to. I have a big hole in my heart and sometimes feel i cannot cope 
I’m sorry for your loss it’s far from the same but my dad had complained of being ill before his death which wasn’t unusual as he had health anxiety he went to the doctors on the Wednesday and never rang me to tell me how it went I never rang him either thurs I didn’t either or Friday as was working late tried on the Sunday no answer as wasn’t unusual he was selective when he wanted to speak anyway he didn’t show the following Wednesday so I had to get the police to break to door in and he was dead I constantly think what if what if and it’s an awful feeling to bare sending hugs xx
Aww so sorry for your loss both of you.i know how you feel though I lost my mum too within weeks of diagnoses I never had chance to let it sink in or get my head round it and before you know it my mum passed very quickly but it was brutal she had a awful time she suffered so much and to see that just killed me.then when she passed and we held her funeral I just stood there in the back garden and screamed my head off my husband came running out I was holding my chest where my heart is and said “what in the hell has just happened,how have I lost my beautiful mum” I kept busy up until that point and then the grief consumed me it literally stopped me in my tracks and caught up with me and too be honest I’ve never been the same since I lost her.half of me went with her.i yearn for my mum all the time I have that need you get when your a kid when you fall over and scrape your knee you go running to your mum crying and she picks you up cleans it and kisses it better then u get a huge big mummy hug" that’s the only way I can describe my broken heart.and @ac0319 please don’t blame yourself for not being there your mum would of understood she’s your mum maybe in some way it was not so bad because believe me watching my mum die is the worst thing that ever happened to me it’s broken me it really has and I sometimes wish I didn’t see her die that I could of pictured her just passing in her sleep instead I witnessed something awful that I can’t get out of my head since that was 10 years ago? I now have PTSD because of it and health anxiety like weases dad it’s horrible just remember her how Beautiful and loving she was we will never get passed losing them we just have to take it day by day and try and cope but I don’t think it’s that easy to be honest but we do have to live our lives for them somehow.xxxx nat
I lost my mum on 6th March she had dementia but was on medication to keep her stable she was in residential care and I had the guilt if her being in there for a couple years but I wasn’t string enough to care for her needs as I have a boy who has autistic spectrum disorder, I took my mum outings and the odd weekends to stay at my house and wee had planned a trip to flamingo land in April, but igot the devastating phonecall on Monday 6 March at 6 pm telling me my mum passed away suddenly she had a heart attack I have never felt heartache like this in my life such a terrible loss, I lost my Dad whom I wasn’t as close to to cancer last July and that hit me hard Aswell but nothing like the loss of my mum I feel it most at nights and get really teary but have to carry on for the sake of my son, I understand your pain losing a mother is like feeling like a child again x
I agree with all said here. I feel so miserable since losing my Mum eight months ago I often go to bed early just as it feels more comforting there, I can lie down in the warm even if I can’t sleep (as cannot tonight). I take each day as it comes, If I feel sad that day then that is the way it is, Other days will be up and down like a yoyo, feeling almost normal whatever that is for a bit then in the depths of despair again.
This first year is a year of firsts, First Christmas, first Easter all those anniversaries. I keep thinking of what we were doing last year. An added poignancy is selling the family home and thinking this will be the last spring here.
I am hoping things get easier as know I am bordering on depression now, reality has really hit me in th last month or so.
I lost my mum 4 years ago to cancer, she lived for 9 weeks after she was diagnosed, she was 55 years old. I held her hand as she passed away and am not able to cope since she left. I too feel that I wish I hadn’t been there and this fills me with such guilt, but I can’t get over it. I began having panic attacks and would wake up in the night drenched in sweat. I tried bereavement counselling but it didn’t help at that time, maybe I wasn’t ready or the counseller wasn’t the right fit, I was diagnosed with PTSD and it feels like my grief has got worse over time not better, as I haven’t really accepted it or dealt with it, the hurt and emotions and extreme sadness are still all there, and I’m really worried that I’m never going to be able to feel normal again, or any happiness. I feel like I am just existing and not actually living, I feel such guilt for this as I know my mum would have wanted me to grasp life with both hands. I had begun a very new relationship when my mum passed away and I think I used it as a distraction from my pain, but it has really suffered and I have over the past 4 years treated my partner terribly to the point where we are now on the verge of splitting up and this fills me with fear as I know that I will have to cope on my own with losing my mum and I feel huge guilt at not being the partner that I should have/could have been.
So sorry for your loss and it’s so devastating isn’t it.i don’t think it matters how old we are we all still need our mums.i also think it didn’t matter how we think we are prepared for their end because when It happens we are stiĺl shocked no matter how much we think we are we really are not.xx
Thank you for your message. Sorry for your loss too. I agree we can never prepare for losing our mum. Even though she was in the hospice for 6 weeks (they couldn’t send her home because she was in constant pain), I never thought about her dying. I have begun CBT and my counsellor thinks I have complicated grief, I’d never heard of it before. I’m hoping the sessions will help me to move into a place where I can accept that my mum has gone and am able to live the life that I know she wanted me to x
Wee just have to believe they’re in a better place and watching over us, sadly it’s a part of life that everyone has to go through can only make us stronger and know wee have been through a heartbreaking experience and not have to go through it again hopefully x