My mum died suddenly and unexpectedly in May 2024. My emotions have fluctuated between overwhelming sadness and being matter of fact about it. I have also found myself analysing possible reasons for it. She died of a massive heart attack despite no known heart condition where she went to bed and didn’t get up the following morning. I was phoned by a family member and my experience at the hospital was surreal. The hospital carried out various tests and things escalated to a level that Saturday afternoon from being told by the consultant that they thought she may be dying to she is dying. It all happened so fast. I remained with her while she was unconscious persuading her not to die until she died peacefully just before 8pm.
It is now December and I feel as though I have been living two lives, engaging well with work and other activities while still processing my mum’s death. I am the sole inheritor of her house but still haven’t removed many items from it yet. When I visit the house it feels as though a part of her is still alive. My dad who was divorced from my mum has put pressure on me regarding clearing it out and I have stood my ground stating that I can’t cope with the pressure. I don’t plan to keep it as an empty house forever due to costs and various risks. Luckily my partner is understanding of my need for space.
I really miss those conversations with her and still can’t believe it’s happened.