Hello all, I’ve just joined and mainly would like to share some of my story. I lost my dear mum about 18 months ago. She was diagnosed with dementia in 2020. Then was in and out of hospital for months until she was admitted to a care home and things just went from bad to worse. She was always having a fall. There were many times I would get calls that I had to come quick as she had had a fall. During this time I really didn’t know where I was (I think I just kept going like a robot) non stop. Nothing would affect me.
Then when I came to losing her bit by bit when she deteriorated with the dementia. That was awful. It was like she had been possessed by someone an alien. It wasn’t my mum anymore. But I lost her eventually in 2022. This I have never been able to accept and possibly come to terms with. It affects me each day. I can’t speak about what happened to her without tears. In fact I break down each day. Mum was also my best friend and that is hard. I’ve been told it’s gets easier but I’m not there yet.
Hey, I hear you. Ive just jpined the community, I lost my mum 18 months ago to Alzheimers. She brought me and my 2 brothers up on her own after being widowed at the age of 24.
I cared for her on my own for the last 4yrs of her life. It was heartbreaking. Im a 54yr old ex army guy, so never been easy to express myself, so Ive struggled with this for the last 18 months.
Im searching for reasurance, like you.
Just wanted to let ypu know you’re not alone.
Paul
Hi Paul, nice to hear from you. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s hard when you’ve been a carer especially with someone with dementia you lose them gradually in the end and it’s heartbreaking to watch someone you love go through that. I too looked after my mum the last few years of her life. She was a shell of herself when she died. Were you close to your mum?
Hi, thanks for your message. Yeah, Ibwas very close to mum. Im the middle of 3 sons and she was a widower who never remarried. She looked after my kids a lot and visited me when I was overseas. Im thankful for the last 4years of her life because we grew closer, she looked after us as kids so it was my time to reciprocate. She used to get sad that I had to do it, but it never bothered me. Indo wish I had the strength to keep her at home for her last year, but i cared for her on my own, and it wasnt fair for her and I just ran out of steam.
Hi Paul, you shouldn’t blame yourself as you did what you could to look after her. I’m guessing she went into a care home? The last year of my mum’s life was very difficult as she was in and out of hospital with serious illnesses and each time she came back home I was told by the consultant 'Your mum will never be the same again". I never really understood at the time what this meant!! But I lost her time and time again and it was very painful to watch. I miss her every day …
Its hard to watch, its hard because tou see thw decline and actually feel it too.
Yeah, I put mum in a home for the last year, itbwas getting too hard for her as well as for me x