My mum died suddenly a couple of years ago and I have very mixed feelings about this. I won’t say I am ‘glad’ she died but she was very difficult and got worse as she got older and I feel indifferent and sometimes relieved. As I reflect on how she was with me during my childhood and teens I resent the fat that she was always at work, didn’t support me when I needed it and basically let me do whatever and never tried to talk to me calmly or rationally about choices I made. I didn’t like my mum as a person and I often feel angry and annoyed with her. I couldn’t ever talk to her properly when she was alive so I don’t feel that I have missed opportunities to tell her this as she would have just said it was me.
Now she has died I feel strange about all this as people expect me to be sad and sorry but I am fine and feel like I don’t care. Anyway I just tho goth is put this in the forum as I wonder if anyone else feels similar?
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Hi @Caroline1441,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing how you’re feeling. I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts. In the meantime, you find find this article on grieving someone you had a difficult relationship with helpful to read.
Take good care and keep reaching out,
Seaneen
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@Caroline1441 hi thanks for you comment and yes I can relate to how you’re feeling.
Its a tad different from yours but relate able nonetheless.My father passed away a few years ago from prostate cancer and he was my father..but biologically only.He wasn’t there for me we all and causes a lot of pain and trauma.
I hadn’t actually seen him for a good number of years and it was a family friend who informed us that he died.
I remember not feeling anything at all and just kinda of carried on with life.He was never a father to me so there wasn’t an emotional connection..just a lot of abuse.
In situations like this where the parental relationship sadly wasn’t a good one and them passing can be a tricky one to cope with as like you said one can not feel much bereavement at all given the lack of real substance to the relationship.
Other variables can be guilt(feeling bad for not feeling much sadness ect).or deep regret(wishing things were different)..among others.
I see others with their dads and wish my own father had a normal relationship with me…but sadly this was never ment to be.
I do appreciate your honesty on here and it’s important not to beat yourself up emotional because your not experiencing much bereavement from your mums passing.Maybe one day in the future yoy might feel something…maybe not.
Anthony
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Thank you for your comments on my posts. It’s much appreciated as I do feel like I’m going into difficult territory here .
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