Yes I too looked for a grief kind space Sienna, although I don’t know if I’d have the energy to actually go even if one had been near me.
I think the pain of grief will never leave us but I hope the waves of anguish will lessen in the future. Christmas is making it worse.
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@Sienna1 @Anna_321
There must be somewhere that offers a safe space for people like ourselves to meet and just talk through our grief.
We’re all pretty much on the same page this evening, I must say thank you to you both, chatting about my feelings tonight has helped so much 
Not that I can get a good nights sleep though, I think that might be after the Christmas period is done xx
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I feel the same, thanks to you both too and everyone x
It is overwhelming to meet up with people, I get that, it’s a vicious cycle of wanting to speak about it but not having the energy. I just can’t be bothered to either!
My issue is panic attacks, I physically get problems if I talk about it or think about it too much- my throat swells up and I feel I can’t breathe, also get numbness in my chest and face/head and chest pains. I try to avoid certain triggers. This is why I’m anxious about counselling, I’m in two minds and wishing I hadn’t referred myself now…
My GP had recommended it twice to me, first time I didn’t follow through when they called and now I’m feeling the same !
I can never sleep either !
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Sue Ryder do these drop in sessions, I saw it on Instagram but there isn’t one near me. I have emailed to ask if there are any around London…not sure where you are based but you can search it on their website to check if there’s one local to you x
There are two charities /cancer centres my mum used to attend - Maggies and The Mulberry Centre they are great for support but I haven’t tried them since after mum went, as the topic of C really triggers me right now. I would love to work as a volunteer one day when I can mentally… right now it’s not happening
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I feel the same way about finding kindred spirits even though I’m crying as I message you both.
I’m in London too so it’s surprising that there’s nowhere nearby to go. I was invited to some events at the hospice that was supposed to support mum but that was more to help raise funds.
My sleep is terrible too. I had a few bad nightmares when mum died where I’d wake up screaming & crying (when I eventually got to sleep) so now I don’t fall asleep until around 5am as I’m scared I’ll wake up in the dark again.
That must be so frightening Sienna. Is the doctor helping with your panic attacks, beyond suggesting counselling? It’s just my opinion but a professional counsellor should be able to help you to work through the panic & if you go to one & find it too much, or don’t like the counsellor then you don’t have to go back. What you are going through is so traumatising that there’s no quick fix.
My GP suggested antidepressants but I don’t want to risk them making me feel worse in the first month or growing dependent on them.
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It sounds like you are having the same issues as me…
I have the same problem with sleep, I end up waiting for daylight as the darkness makes things worse, I was sleeping with the light on for a while. I also get nightmares and wake up screaming, had one over the weekend which was really bad I woke up trying to catch by breath, heart beating so fast.
The panic attacks are really scary, I couldn’t control them before at all, I try to avoid triggers if I can, and this may sound strange but I do puzzles/crosswords to distract my brain, I talk to myself and make myself focus on it, usually takes hours for me to calm down. When it goes past that stage it’s really tough to control and I need to just breathe and have someone near me to reassure me.
The doctor has given me medication. I don’t want to get addicted too hence I thought to try counselling…
You are right, I can try it I guess and see how it goes, it’s just a massive step I feel so anxious about it
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Wish I could give you a hug x we are in this together, we can learn off each other to survive somehow xxx 🩷🥰
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Big hugs to you too x
Puzzles & crosswords make sense. I find that although I can’t stand noise now I need to always have the radio or tv on even if I’m not paying attention or following what’s going on.
I’m also watching any gentle programmes I can like Outnumbered, The Detectorists, Derry Girls. Things that distract me from my thoughts. Mum loved the soaps & true crime so I keep watching those too.
Can someone bring you to your first counselling session? That might help a little as in you will know if you don’t like it or it triggers you they are waiting outside for you.
I’ve registered for counselling not because I want to talk to a stranger about the worst thing that’s ever happened, nor for validation that I’m normal for feeling like this but because I’m assuming they can help me find a way to process my anger & guilt. I’ll never be ok that mum is not around but I’m hoping eventually I will no longer feel like I died that day too. I miss laughing. I can’t remember when I last laughed.
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That’s sweet you can watch the programmes you both loved x hope it brings you some comfort 🩷 good idea to watch light hearted things and not too heavy on the brain and emotions. I love reading so that is escapism for me, although at times I can’t concentrate at all.
We used to watch crime and police series/dramas together but I have been avoiding them and old classic films, Christmas films mum loved those and we watched them together…I haven’t even tried watching them. I did watch strictly this year though, my brother said just imagine mum is watching it with you. I couldn’t last year.
I know what you mean about counselling, we just need ways to cope and find a way through it. The pain will always be there no matter what anyone says.
The first session will be on the phone as it seems they do an assessment, but if I need to go in I will take someone with me that’s a good idea thank you xxx 
🩷
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We really do need more grief kind spaces.
I want to try to reintegrate with the world but I just can’t actually do it. I can’t be around others who talk about normal things which no longer interest me.
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I agree with you 100% I will let you know if I hear anything back - I emailed asking if there are any groups nearby x it’s not even about talking, just being there, having a cup of tea, sitting for an hour or so with people who are going through the same x I think it would save a lot of people… x
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Sorry to interrupt the thread, but just wanted to let you know if you’re not in an area that currently has a Grief Kind space, you might want to check out the AtALoss website. It is a directory of bereavement support, including support groups. If you click this link then select your region, you can see what bereavement support is available in your area.
Your council’s website should also have information on local bereavement support. If you search for “your council name + bereavement”, you can find your council bereavement support page.
I hope you find the support you need, @Sienna1 and @Anna_321 
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Thank you for this x 
will have a look
@VictoriaB1, @Sienna1 did you find any groups near you? I couldn’t find any near me, just the counselling with the 5 month waitlist (which I’m already waiting for).
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Hi - other places I would suggest to check for possible bereavement support groups in your local area that are not listed on the At a loss website are local churches, local hospices (your loved one doesnt need to have been a patient), even some funeral directors. Unfortunately they are not always widely advertised. Your GP surgery might have details of local support. Ive been able to access both a support group and counselling via my local hospice. Or maybe even create a specific post on here appealing to anyone in the xxxx area to let you know what support they have found? Good luck 
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Hi Anna, I have only found links to charities like a local cancer charity called the Mulberry Centre for cancer bereavement, my cousin mentioned a charity called Cruse Bereavement Support which is supposed to be good but I haven’t tried it. The counselling via by GP has delays due to high demand, I just received a message the other day telling me…
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I’ve just searched on Cruse Bereavement and I can’t find anything in my area, I’ve checked about 3 postcodes near me… nothing so far which is a shame as it says there are groups, walking groups and one on ones
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Thank you @Ally6
Yes I’m the same @Sienna1
I’d already done quite a few searches for my local area.
The dr referred me to Cruse who told me they don’t operate in my area & I’m on a 5 month waitlist for counselling through another charity. Maybe this is why my GP is so keen to recommend antidepressants.
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