We are here for you @Sienna1.
I understand about needing rather than wanting to get a job. Baby steps will get you there. I think we almost have to get a job to re-learn how to cope with a job & all that comes with it.
I totally agree about children & animals. My nephew is like my little shadow but I do worry because he has lost the best Nannie it was possible to have. They were beautiful together & I remember people at the hospital saying what a wonderful boy he was & how caring he was towards mum. It really breaks me that he no longer has her.
We are all riding the waves of coping one day & falling apart the next. It is exhausting. We may too be suffering from PTSD. I know Iām suppressing so much.
I donāt blame others for not understanding us. I donāt know if I could support someone who can no longer see any beauty in the world or a reason to go on if I wasnāt going through it myself. Not even in my worst nightmare could I have imagined this existence.
@Anna_321 good to hear from you, Iām glad youāre doing some activities with your nephew this week, itās a nice distraction and we will take anything thatās a positive, these months I think are the worst.
The wedding plans are going ok, tbh Jens done most of it as Iāve not had the capacity these past few months, weāve changed venue to a city centre wedding, have a nosey on line, king St Townhouse, Mcr Iām thinking of having a photo of mum there from her wedding day in black and white with a candle burning, open to some nice ideas/suggestions @Sienna1@Ally6@Anna_321
The job front is a tough one isnāt it, i think once the weather gets a bit better and mornings arenāt as dark and miserable Iāll be getting out and about more and would love it if we all met up for a coffee or vino when Iām in London for work. Iām there every 3 weeks so Iām sure we can sort something. Sending strength and love to all, I hope this week has passed without completely destroying our beings, one day at a time xx
@Anna_321 thanks for your kind words x we need to support one another, I started with updating my CV and I felt that was a great achievement for meā¦ itās probably not the best but itās a start. Hoping we all find our way with our beautiful mammas guiding us x
I was thinking the same about PTSD, Iām pretty sure if we went counselling it would be mentioned. It can happen with any trauma, and we have definitely had that beyond belief.
@VictoriaB1 I can just imagine that black and white photo of mum - thatās such a lovely idea for your wedding day, it gave me goosebumps in a positive way. Thatās such a beautiful ideaā¦and the candle by the photo too x
Can you add your mumās favourite roses around the photo or along the table?
You could even have those same roses on each table/chair for guests.
I think I would play mums favourite song at some point too but it would be deeply emotionalā¦
@Sienna1 thank you, the roses are on the tables and I think a single white one for mum with the photo and candle will be beautiful, thanks for that suggestion
And thank you for your kind words.
We will all get together at some point, as weāve said before, Iām sure all our mums are up there, watching over us as we try to navigate through this, seeing the support network we have formed together xx
My nephew is 8 now @Sienna1. I often think that this small boy has more love & empathy than most of the grown men I know.
Thank you for the passages on grief xx
Sometime I think is it that others are thoughtless to think we should have āmoved onā or are they either lucky to not have lost someone so important or to be pitied for never having that relationship so they havenāt struggled when losing people. I donāt know which Iād prefer to be right now as this pain is all consuming.
@Anna_321 what a sweet little boy, so young and he definitely is clued into things, sorry he has to suffer mumās loss too, such a young age to experience it but just shows how wonderful your mum was xxx
You are so right - I donāt know what it is, I do know people who have lost their mums/parents but they donāt seem to be in the same position, makes me wonder too why this is. Itās also quite amazing that we have met on here and are alike in our grief. I had one friend who said she has lost her mum and she is doing fine nowā¦ but I canāt see myself being like that at all.
I love poems and quotes, sometimes they describe exactly what we are feeling x i
The whole medium business really intrigues me. There was another thread on this site where the poster pretty much outed an apparently well known psychic as a fraud. Grief makes us so vulnerable & desperate for that lost connection & itās one of the most awful things to deceive people into hoping you can give them that. People would give everything they have to keep that door to their loved one open.
Mum was a bit superstitious but I donāt know if she believed in white feathers. In the last couple of months the cat or it could have been a fox ( because there was no body) killed birds in the garden & the grass was full of white feathers. The dog even had a small one stuck to his face one night.
@Anna_321 thank you for the lovely message, it gives us hope and something to look forward to. I think I am going to be wearing a piece of jewellery of mums on the day, but as you so nicely said, mum is always going to be there, as I am part of her and I see this everyday when I look in the mirror.
Sending love and strength to everyone today, im glad itās the weekend, getting up and functioning for work has been tough this week, itās exhausting. Xx
@Sienna1 thank you, it does feel boutique swanky, Iām looking forward to the black and white photos with the architecture of Mcr city centre backdrop,
How are you today? Xx
@VictoriaB1 I had a bit of a rough night again and morning, but Iām ok at this moment. Iām going on a walk now just for a short while to clear my head x
Iām having such a rough day today, really feel down in the dumps, Iām just listening to music on my headphones in a coffee shop. I woke up with images of the funeral day and I started having panic attack feeling so I got myself out of the house to take a breather. I donāt even feel like spending time with anyone but I feel lonely at the same time, I know itās because I want that one person to be here
@Sienna1 - so sorry to hear you are having a tough day. I have found this week the hardest so far since losing my mum so I understand how difficult it is. Hoping you are feeling a bit better this evening. Take care xxx
@Sienna1 I can totally relate to that feeling of not wanting to be with people yet feeling lonely, because the person we want to be with isnt here I get very restless and struggle to distract myself. Sorry you are having a rough day but well done for even getting yourself out and into a coffee shop It just feels like its getting more and more painful right now
@Granzi@Ally6 thanks for responding means alot x it is so tough some days are worse than others.
I met this lovely lady in the coffee shop, she said a few things to me which made a difference and I feel that I was meant to meet her today. You know when you get that feeling that itās a message. She was telling me to keep a positive mind and positivity attracts positivity. Do good things and it will come back to you. There is plenty of darkness out there in the world but keep your light.
At this point she didnāt know anything about me, except I helped her with something, she said she can read a persons energy well.
I did tell her about mum as she was talking about her life and how she hadnāt been out in 3 weeks due to pain. It ended with her giving me a hug and her reminding me to listen to that voice it is mum, a mum takes 25% of her childās DNA, so she has got you, she is walking beside you.
I was taken aback by this encounter - I believe it was a message for me x I was feeling so so so low like breaking point low and this lady just lifted me up a little
Iām thinking of having a photo of mum there from her wedding day in black and white with a candle burning, open to some nice ideas/suggestions 
but just shows how wonderful your mum was xxx
