Loss of my Mum

Hi, I’ve joined this community as 11 months ago I lost my Mum. Prior to that I lost 3 very dear friends. I have a wonderful husband & 3 lovely kids but I’m feeling very lonely. I’m going through bereavement counselling which is helping but I feel I’m still drowning in grief. Feeling very low & feel I really am on the verge of a breakdown. I don’t know how I’m managing to keep going with normal daily life. Thanks for listening to me.

Hi. I’m so sorry you are feeling like this. I too lost my mum 3 months ago after a very short battle with cancer well only 5 weeks to her initially feeling poorly to her passing. It hit me like a sledgehammer and I’ve really struggled with her loss. I too have a very supportive husband but I still feel on my own I feel detached from life although I carry on, go to work etc. Its been the worst time of my life and the pain is unbearable. She is in my head all the time and not in a good way. Its exhausting. So I totally understand what you say. I cant see me ever coming to terms with it. Let’s hope it gets better for us both xx

Hi

Sorry to hear about your mum. My mum died 6 months ago very unexpectedly and I hear you on the loneliness part.

I don’t have a husband (but I don’t want one haha) but I have a little boy, friends, work etc etc but nothing fills the void of having someone who is there and just “gets you” nothing stronger than a mothers love they say hey :slight_smile:

Thanks for your kind words. I lost my Dad in similar circumstances to yourself, diagnosed with lung cancer & 8 weeks later he died. My Mum never got over losing my Dad. This grief thing truly is awful & like yourself I don’t know how I’m going to get over this. It is exhausting and I’ve felt detached from life too. I’m really scared of becoming completely depressed probably because it’s a horrible place to be in. I’m also really hard on myself & feel I should be coping better than this. Then I remember I need to be kinder to myself. Sending you a big hug, it’s still early days for you. Thanks for replying it’s good to speak to someone who knows exactly how you’re feeling. Xx

My mum died from cancer. Two days after they diagnosed her. She had a bad back for a few months. She was really only very poorly for about a month. Completely hit us like a sledgehammer. I understand you. I’m here feeling it too and am sorry for your loss. I have two children and a very supportive husband. But he freely admits he has no idea how I feel.

Ps mum had lung cancer too she died 6 weeks ago. I’m still completely raw and in shock.

Hi Tasha, thanks for replying. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to lose your Mum so unexpectedly. Yep you get to a stage where people don’t mention your loss & you don’t feel you can mention it too. So yes it’s good to speak & they completely understand. I’m finding trying to carry on with normal life is hard, particularly trying to keep going at work. Sending a big hug xx

Hi,

Just to echo everyone who has posted.
My mum died suddenly nearly 4 months ago and quite frankly, it has broken me.
I have a lovely partner and 12 year old daughter but I still feel very alone.
I miss mum so much I have permanent pain in my chest and I am just existing. I cannot see a time when I will enjoy life again.
The worst thing is that my mum would be completely devastated if she knew the impact that it has had on my life.
So, no advice that will help you unfortunately but you can see how many of us are in the same position.
I for one have got more comfort from this forum than from any of my friends.
Thinking of you.
Cheryl x

So sorry for your loss.It really is awful & such a shock when you lose them so quickly. It does hit you like a sledgehammer & you know you’ll never be the same again. I’m just worried I will have a complete breakdown and I don’t want my kids to see me so broken. But it’s a traumatic thing to go through so need to stop being hard on ourselves. Sending a big hug. I’m glad I joined this online community, it’s been good to talk and people understand exactly what you’re going through xx

It’s just crazy isn’t it…she died just before my 30th birthday and was only in her 50’s herself, I just think what a waste we had soooo many plans together.

I agree, people see us “normal” happy etc and just think that we are ok, but really we are ok at pretending to be ok and It feels almost …embarrassing to admit we are struggling.

How are you getting on with the counselling? Xxx

I know life is so unfair at times. The friends I lost were aged 50 to 54, still so young. They were also the friends I would have gained support from when my Mum died so I feel it’s been even harder. Counselling has been good but tough as well and I’m realising the healing process will take a lot longer & counselling is only a small part of that healing journey. One thing I’m finding just now is I’ve become really anxious since losing Mum but again I’ve realised anxiety/depression is a stage of grief. Xx

So sorry for your loss Cheryl, it really is utterly devastating & blows your life apart. Like you I’m finding it hard to get any enjoyment out of life & I know my Mum wouldn’t like to see me like this. But it is important to acknowledge how we feel & it’s ok to feel this way too. Not speaking about how we feel or bottling it up won’t help in the long run either. This has been the worst time of my life & I know life will never be the same. It does help to know others are in the same position & this forum has helped me. People understand & you don’t have to justify how you feel. My counsellor recommended a book What to do when I’m gone, a mother’s wisdom to her daughter by Suzy Hopkins. I found it quite good & a wee bit of comfort. Sending a big hug xx

That’s good the counselling session is helping slightly, I bet it’s a relief for you to talk freely about things away from your husband and kids but like you said, it’s only a small part of the healing process…

I really don’t think counselling is for me, I’m 90% sure I won’t even sign up for it lol but I agree with the anxious part - I get anxious when I’m at work, my little boy is at school etc. It’s strange Isn’t it, all these weird feelings we have never experienced before until now. It’s kind of nice tho that so many other people on here are going through the same, at least we know it’s “normal”

Yep counselling sometimes isn’t for everyone but I felt I needed some kind of help after losing so many people in a short period of time. But it’s not a quick fix or a cure. The anxiety though is bloody awful, also struggling with work but bills need paid etc. Everything we’re feeling is normal which took me a wee while to realise xx

Hi, my mum passed in July, 3 weeks after a lung cancer diagnosis. She started with a bad back only 3 weeks before diagnosis. She had always been very active and never poorly so this hit like a sledgehammer. I didn’t process very well throughout her short illness. How did I not realise how sick she was? But I didnt. I’ve really struggled with her death. I feel so lost and like a child again. It’s made me lose a lot of my confidence and I just feel so sad inside. I understand how you feel and it’s so horrible. I think it’s something we will carry around with us forever I dont believe in time healing. It’s good to know I’m not going crazy and that others are feeling what I am. My thoughts can be quite dark and scary sometimes xx

Thankyou.
It seems there are alot of us all going through the same thoughts and feelings.
I always knew I would take my mums death this hard but thought she would be 90 and I would be in my 60s when it happened.
I’m still in shock x

I’m in my sixties and my mum died six months ago aged 92. We had a difficult relationship all my life, I felt as though I had to make her happy and she was never happy. . She always made me feel guilty although towards the end of her life which was sudden and a shock to me, she expressed appreciation of what I did for her. Today I have cried all day, I feel very lonely, (I live alone) I think about how sad her life was.

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