I am usually a happy go lucky positive person. I lost my mum who was my best friend end of April this year (2021). I have been taking a day at a time, and keeping as on top of everything as possible. I have a teenager & a 4 year old so it’s hectic at times. However recently everything is hitting me so much harder. I feel like I coped when I was organising everything for the funeral, and such. Now it’s done, everyone kind of fades away, and I feel lost. No one understands around me, and I don’t know where to turn… I just want to talk to people that understand. I don’t know how anything is supposed to be now 
Hi Jojo82,
I lost my mum, who was also my best friend, very suddenly in June 2019.
At the time i had my 12 year old, who adored my mum and my partner but I lost myself as a result.
And to a certain extent I’m still lost. 2 years and 3 months have passed and I still get through each day working, looking after my daughter and doing housework. But I have little interest in socialising and I’m just surviving life, not enjoying life.
Things have got better and time does help in terms of getting used to this new life. My mum lived with us so we sold the house because we were just too sad there and that has helped. I hate going shopping because I always did that with my mum and I feel sadness even if I have had a nice day, because my mum is missing out
Things are still very recent and raw for you. 5 months is nothing.
Keep doing what you are doing. Take each day as it comes and be grateful for being busy with your children as that also helps.
Cheryl
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Thank you, I have the same feeling, when I go Tesco as silly as it seems I cry, I just can’t stop imagining her there with me. My partner is quite blazay about it and it’s very difficult for me. He isn’t close to his mum at all, and I don’t think he understands this kind of feeling. My son adores my mum too! And my little girl always asks when nanny’s coming back down from the stars ! It’s so hard to enjoy anything! It litrally makes life black and white! I’m so proud of my kids but the first person I want to tell when they do something is my mum, I’m just so devastated. It’s so relieving to see someone understand the feeling of it all though! So I appreciate you writing to me xx Joanne xx
Also I am so sorry you lost yours too xx
Thanks Joanne.
Nothing prepares you for it. My mum was 74 and appeared to be doing well although arthritis was getting her down. I genuinely thought we had 15 or 20 years left with her so we bought a large bungalow that we thought would be our forever home. 10 months later mum was gone.
I still find it hard to believe. I also walk round Tesco’s, even now and think I see mum as I turn round an aisle.
Mums number is still listed in the top 5 numbers on my phone even though she has been gone over 2 years. I find some enjoyment reading a book, going for walks, watching a good drama. However, the person i used to watch them with is gone.
My partner does get it. He lived with my mum and talked to her about everything. He obviously doesn’t feel like i do as he only knew her for 10 years. I had her for 48 years.
I’ve stopped talking about her really. My daughter and partner got fed up of the constant depression in the house. When we moved this year I was determined to ‘cheer up’ for them. But it doesnt stop me thinking about mum and feeling sad 24/7
Cheryl
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Oh my, so similar… my mum was 74 also, she had her vaccine and went down from there. I count myself very lucky to have spent last moments with her, I told her I would be okay and I sang to her and just held her, she wasn’t speaking but was breathing with machine. I am so greatful for hospice!!!
Yes I feel the same! I feel like im a grey cloud for everyone so I try not to talk about it all, and I try to seem happy! But the pressure of that is a lot to carry! I want to talk about her every single second !!!
Seems so pointless doesn’t it! Thank the universe I have my children x
Thank you so very much for sharing with me! Honestly im crying but it has also made me feel nice knowing im not as alone as I felt x
Hi Joanne/ cheryl it’s so hard isn’t it trying to come to terms with losing your mum, I lost my dear mum in July this year and I struggle with my emotions every day, at the beginning I was so lost I felt guilty, angry and the pain is so raw no one can prepare you for losing a loved one she was diagnosed with secondary liver cancer after 2weeks of being in hospital so I wanted her home to be with my dad and all her family and I cared for her for 6 weeks till she passed away, I’ll never be the same person I was and I still can’t accept she’s gone, I am waiting for counselling to start, I have two supportive daughters but I still at times feel very alone, it’s such a rollercoaster ride we are all on and the dark days so hard but i take each day at a time, I’m sorry to hear about your two mums too, its comforting to chat to people on here that know what your going through, hope your both ok, take care
Lynn x
Hi Lynn
Sorry to read about your mum. I am grateful that my mum had no idea she was ill…she had a sudden brain haemorrhage which took her almost immediately.
I hope you are bearing up ok. Even though we lost my dad in my 20s, losing my mum has changed me forever.
Cheryl
74 just seems so young doesnt it.
My dad died when he was 53 but I put that down to a rare bit of bad luck in my life. To lose my mum before what I consider to be old age is just such a blow.
Her siblings are living great lives in their mid to late 80s.
It has all turned me quite bitter in all honesty.
Was your mum ill before her vaccination?
She had diabetes, but her levels were fine… after her second vaccination they plummeted down into constant hypos. She was then admitted to hospital, which was awful, she was neglected and as a result fell twice!
I was then told she had severe pulmonary hypertension and was going to die.
She wanted to come home, so they let her of corse for end of life care, I then cared for her until I couldn’t any longer. She started to do less and less, and she needed round the clock care. So we opted for hospice, which I wish we had done in the first place! Wonderful care.
I stayed there with her for a week and she passed.
I spoke to her every single day of my life !
I’m so broken x
I know Joanne.
It’s incredibly hard. I have survived by accepting that I will never ‘get over’ losing mine.
Or hoping that I will go back to how I used to be. I’ve sort of accepted this life now. And will just have to make the best of it for my daughter who deserves to have me till she is in her 40s like I had mine
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