Loss of my Mum

Good morning, I lost my Mum in January 2021, and my life has changed so dramatically. I handed my notice in to care for her, but unfortunately she passed away, I used to visit her 3/4 times a day as she was not well and liked me to see her. She took ill on the 16th Jan and did not come out of hospital, and she passed away on the 30th Jan. I think I feel more hurt and upset and blame myself, because I did not get the opportunity to see her on a daily basis due to not being able to visit because of the ongoing issues with covid. I saw her on the Friday 29th for the first time in 2 weeks and she sadly passed away on the Saturday morning, in which we did not get to hospital on time to be with her. I know I shouldn’t blame myself, because Id cared for her over the last year when she had been ill. How do you cope with seeing someone daily to not seeing them at all. I am totally heartbroken. The only thing what helps is knowing she is back with my dad the love of her life, but the pain just wont go away.


Hi kazy so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear mum, I too lost my mum in July this year and I too gave up my job to care for her at home, she went into hospital for some tests on 13th may and after 16 days of being in there was diagnosed with secondary liver cancer she was given 6 - 12months by one doctor and another said they didn’t know how long she had, I wanted her home to be with dad and her family, she didn’t eat much from then on and passed away after 6 weeks :cry: it’s been the worst time of my entire life, I’ve had all the emotions but guilt still sticks hard with me, wondering if I should have seen anything earlier, could I have done more, I Don’t feel any happiness in anything at all, you go through the motion of doing stuff because you have too, I’ve just had my first birthday without mum, and so has my dad and it was hard , j can’t accept she has gone yet and I’m not sure I want too, I miss her being here so much and feel guilty she isn’t with her family, life is so cruel, people have said you never get over it you just learn to live with it, I have two grown up daughters and a grandson who have been very supportive but nothing can fill that void , it’s an emotional rollercoaster and a road none of us want to be going down but this site is amazing to know your not alone in your grief I’m having counselling with cruse and hoping that will help, maybe it could be something for you to think about having, take care, always here for a chat
Lynn xx

1 Like

Hi Lynn,
Thank you for your message back, I am so sorry on the loss of your Mum, I am same as yourself I can not come to terms with her not being around anymore, I am hoping I can learn to live with it but these last few weeks have been hard with Christmas and the New Year, My Mum would be going mad at me telling me to get out and enjoy yourself as she’s okay. I do miss her dearly and I wish she had been here to meet her beautiful little Great Granddaughter who has just turned 4 months old. I went on a waiting list for cruise but as of yet I have not heard anything I really do think I need that extra support as I know my children are grieving in their own ways and I do not want to add to their problems. Take care and thank you again for messaging back, I really appreciate it, Karen xx

Hi Kazy and Lynn,

I lost my Dad to Covid in October. I last saw him in August as I live in London and he lived in Mexico with all my family. It is very hard to not see them while in hospital (´;︵;`)
He couldn’t see anyone so died alone and that crushes me. Despite living far away I was very close to him. Calling and messaging all the time. I would visit each December but it really felt like I was never away…I just returned to London after spending two months in Mexico to be with my mum and it feels really bad to be away again.
I am not sure if it is the loss of my dad or the realisation that things at home were not as I had imagined all these 20 years away. My mum has sort of adopted some stranger’s children and I can’t accept that, they are the son and daughter of the cleaning lady but my mum calls them grandchildren and spends time and money in them.
I think it is too much and although I understand that they keep her happy, I don’t know why she needs to be so involved in their lives. She insists on calling my Dad their grandfather and my brother their uncle. I wanted time with her and had to fight for space.
In the end they stopped being in the house when I was there but now they are back as I have left.
I wanted to go back to live with her, to keep her company. I was prepared to leave my job and career in the UK, my good salary and flat…she warned me that she didn’t want me in the house if that meant not seeing the kids.
They are not family! I feel betrayed by my mum and dad as he supported my mum’s ideas but just learned about all this with the passing of my dad.
I feel terrible. Lonely and without my dad who I could call and discuss these things as he usually just followed what my mum wanted but thought differently and he would tell me.
I am scared of death, of my mum dying soon, my own death and also the mum of those children. If anything happened to her,my mum would want to raise the kids… the boy is 10 and the girl is 13. My mum is 78…I am sad, scared and annoyed…