Loss of my mum

I’m struggling so much since my mum passed away on 29/01, she had a full hip replacement and was neglected after with her aftercare and passed due to a blood clot going to her lung, she died at home with me, I’m 29 and she was 51. My bestest friend in the whole world and we were glued to one another. I wake up and dread the day, I long to be with her all the time, my heart physically hurts all day and night. I don’t know if it will ever get easier, I feel like no one understands how I feel and grief is doing awful things to the family and people are becoming spiteful towards me telling me they knew my mum longer etc, but we were literally the best of friends and no one else mattered when we were together.
How do I cope? :pensive:


Im so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. I feel exactly the same, my lovely mum died last November. I feel like im just about coping with work and everyday life. My heart is broken and life will never be the same. Keep posting on here, its good to write your feelings down. Take care of yourself xxx

I’m sorry for your loss too! Our worlds stop don’t they? I’ve been working from home and they’ve been great, but I’m scared of going back after the funeral which is on Tuesday. I have pain in my body from the ache of missing her so much.
It’s not nice but nice in a way that others are dealing with the same thing, I don’t feel so alone reading some of the stories on here! X

Im so sorry for your loss @Jamie-leighhh i lost my Dad when i was in my 20s, and lost my mum just 4 months ago. It is truly agonising - for those first few weeks i just let the emotions flow and rested as much as i could to give my mind and body the space to process all that raw grief. Im still early days so i cant paint a positive picture of hope for you yet, but there are people on here who say that gradually those waves of pain become less frequent. Ive read that the grief doesnt lessen, but we develop the muscles to carry it without it weighing us down so much.

If you are employed, dont feel under pressure to go back before you are ready. Some people prefer the routine and the distraction, for others its just too exhausting. Go see your GP and get yourself signed off if you dont feel ready.

I hope you have some friends/family around you that you can turn to for support, but dont be surprised if friends say the wrong thing! Some have the best intentions but unless they’ve been through it, its hard to imagine how all encompassing and devastating grief is. For those that are being spiteful and DONT have the best intentions, i would just stop/limit contact if you can - you dont need that in your life right now. You will also find plenty of people on here who understand and will support you.

Its really early days for you so just be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve in any way you need to. Theres no right or wrong, we’re all unique so just do what feels right for you. Sending you hugs and strength :heart:

Hi Ally, im so sorry for your losses.
It’s been hell. Unfortunately family members have been turning on me, calling me selfish because I had to organise everything with no will in place, people are comparing their grief to mine and saying theirs is more as they knew mum longer etc. my grief is always less than someone else’s which is so wrong when my mum was my whole heart and we were glued to one another!
Work are great, I work from home so I have no pressure yet.
I really appreciate you replying, I’m struggling everyday, my partner lost his mum 11 years ago and he tells me it doesn’t get better you just learn to cope but you can be happy again, I’ll just always have a huge hole in my heart. Xx

No one should try and compare their grief like its some weird competition. Who wants to win that competition anyway?! Because my mum was older you get “well at least she had a good innings” or "at least shes not suffering now’ - it doesnt make the pain of loss any less! Try and ignore/avoid them if you can - you are perfectly entitled to feel whatever you feel right now and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. And how can it be selfish if you had to organise the funeral - thats actually a huge responsibility for you to deal with at such a young age, when her passing was so unexpected. Im glad you have your partner - make sure you keep talking to him if you can as i often read on here about partners feeling pushed away by their loved ones. It might be hard for him to see you in such pain, the instinct is to try and cure/solve it, so you might need to gently remind him he cant solve it but that you just need him to sit alongside you whilst you hurt, ( and protect you from the nasty relatives)! :heart:

I think grief does horrible things to people but I seem to be targeted a lot because I was the closest to my mum, I think people are living with their guilt of not seeing my mum as often as they should have done and they’re taking it out on me perhaps? Either way not acceptable, I suffer anxiety anyway and this has all messed with me more than I’d ever thought possible. My mum calmed me and helped me everyday.
My partners a good one, seems to be a bit absent at the moment though, he stays out longer, think he’s trying to grieve without me too. Just a very lonely world now. Xx

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Hello , i replied to one of your other messages on here. X i have read your mum passed on the 29th of Jan, my mum passed on the 11th of Feb . She was 66. No age at all, and im so sorry your mum passed at an even younger age whilst you yourself are still so young. It really is incomprehensible other peoples pain. No one should be compaing your loss to their own. I understand though. I lost my aunty 3 weeks before my mum ( they were sisters) and ive heard how its harder for them , and my mum looked so well compared to theirs etc etc. Pain is pain , it is not comparable against time or distance or effort. Losing your mum is life changing. I always felt my mum had a touch of sadness throughout her life. Not just because of the hard life she led or illness etc. But because i now realise there are two versions of you that will exist in your lifetime. You before your mother dies where colours are vibrant , experiences are whole hearted… and then there is you after your mum passes where colours are muted, smiles are always tinged with sadness over moments you wish you could of shared.
With her passing the old you died with her. This new you has to learn to adjust, it has to be strong because your mum cant tell you to stop crying even though she wills ii with every fibre of her new being… You will see your mum again one day. But in the mean time you have to keep living , because you are your mothers greatest achievment. The love she has for you, there are no words that come close to describing,
let her enjoy this next phase of her journey knowing you will be strong enough to continue , not as you were before , but a new you… one where you keep her in your heart and mind everyday but find the strength to Live.
As a mum myself, i understand my children will be sad when i go, but do i want them to feel the pain im feeling now. Not in a million years. I know its not something i can change but just know your mum loves you dearly. :heart:

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