Loss of my mum

I lost my mum to cancer 2 mths ago its my daughters birthday on Saturday and my partners mum wants to come up on the day my mum used to come so I’ve asked his mum to come when I’ve gone to work or the Friday and she got into a strop and said its my daughters day and stop making it about me am I out of order or is she advise welcomed

Hi Pinkme, I totally understand where you are coming from, I lost my dad 4 months ago and if his dad wanted to come when normally he wouldn’t, it would upset me. Had you said she couldn’t see your daughter that would be different but you’ve given her options and it’s important for her to understand that you’re grieving for your mum and this is such a short time ago your mum passed away. Your mother in law says it’s not all about you, well it’s not all about what she wants. Can you say to her you’re still struggling without having your mum and you want mum and daughter time then she can have gran and granddaughter time on the Friday or when you go to work. What dies your daughter’s father say ?

Hi Pinkmel21,

Struggling with…'s advice is good. I am so sorry you lost your mum and just wondered how you got on today?

I can relate to this because I lost my dad in 2017 then my mum in 2018. It has been SOOO hard. So many people have been wonderful but my in laws just wind me up so much. It is not their fault as I know they are walking on egg shells around me but somehow their presence feels like it is rubbing salt into my wounds more.

I have now learned to treat them with a pinch of salt. I am courteous but I basically do what I want and say no a lot more. It is your daughters day but it is also yours so be selfish, just so you get through the day. These “celebrations” are so hard to get through at first.

Sending love and a virtual hug.

Ann xxx