Hi, its been a week since I lost my partner. He died in hospital after a routine day surgery. My anger seems to be taking over my grief. His death is being investigated by coroners and I cant plan anything without a death certificate. I feel so anxious and in total limbo. I cried lots at first, but now I can’t. I miss him terribly but it doesn’t feel real. Is this normal? I feel like I’ve put up an emotional brick wall round myself.
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Hi @AMA, so sad for you. Yes, what you are feeling is normal and you will go through a huge range of emotions in the coming weeks and months, ones you didn’t think possible before. The brick wall you have built around yourself is a method of self preservation as you are fragile, brittle and frightened now.
It will be natural for you to focus on the cause of his death, please try not to let that be all-consuming, though. You need to try to take care of yourself so that you can get through this (even if you don’t want to). Reach out to people for support if you can. 
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I’m so sorry for your loss.
What you’re feeling, awful though it is, is quite normal. Your world has been torn apart and now you’ve got to find a way through.
It wont be easy but please know that on this forum we all understand, and we are all here to listen. It does help. Just knowing others understand your pain.
Please try to be kind to yourself and reach out to friends and family for help and support if you can
Sending you big hugs
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I am so sorry for you. My beloved partner died suddenly 4 weeks ago while we were on holiday and like you had to be investigated by coroners. I think that brick wall is understandable while you process what has actually happened and cope with waiting for him to come home. I’m still in a state of disbelief and despair but find this forum comforting as there are sadly so many of us in the same boat, but everyone understands how you are going through a range of emotions almost hourly. Keep posting and it will help you feel connected to people who genuinely care. Sending love and strength x
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So very sorry.
I agree with everything the others have written.
Also, I think we have all questioned if what we are feeling is normal?
I know have more than once.
This is a supportive site.
Sending you a big hug,
Rose x
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Thank you… its the physical symptoms as well. Upset tummy, constant headache, just overwhelming emptiness and fear.
My partner and I weren’t married either, 16 year relationship is un recognised by law.
Its all so distressing.
X
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My partner,died very suddenly a year ago.I was numb for months just going through the motions.The funeral was 5 weeks later that’s all a blur .It was a few weeks after that when reality hit and I really started the grieving process.
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So sorry @AMA. My partner died very suddenly, too, so I had to wait for the coroner’s report. It’s very early days for you, but whatever you are feeling or not feeling, yes, it’s normal. We all react to - and process - grief in different ways, and at first it’s very common to feel completely numb. We weren’t married, either, and that brings a lot of difficulties; it’s no wonder you’re feeling frightened and unwell. People don’t talk much about the physical symptoms of grief, but they are very real. Sending hugs.
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Ama
So very sorry for your loss take care,
Lost my husband suddenly 19 months ago he had a cardiac arrest whist driving ,
I was in the car so manage to stop it safely
Big hugs ,
Sue
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11 weeks for me. Same situation, heart, car, stopping car, ambulances. Sadly, he could not be revived even though they tried for quite a while, so declared at the scene.
RoseGarden
So very sorry for your loss,it feels like a bad nightmare ,my husband passed away in the hospital 2 hours later but never regained conscious,
Take care big hugs
Sue
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So sorry for your loss.
It was a traumatic way to lose our husbands.
Big hugs for you as well.
Rose x
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Big hugs to you all.
To lose your loved ones like that must have been such a tremendous shock.
I knew that Roger was going to die.
Only for 6 short weeks but at least I got to spend time with him. But even though we knew it was still a shock when it actually happened.
I think I’d convinced myself it was a mistake. And even though I was with him holding his hand as he slipped away, I still find myself thinking it must have been a mistake.
Grief plays horrendous games in your brain!!
Love to all
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Liro
So very sorry for your loss
Not a journey we all want to be on
I was married for 42 years and thought we had more time together,
Take care
Hugs
Sue x
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Hi @Susie3021
Like you we were together for 42 years, and I thought we’d have more time
But I don’t think the time would ever have been right to lose him.
The only answer would have been to go together.
But then my friends and family would have had to suffer even more.
I hate this new life. I never will get used to him being gone.
Big hugs to you x
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Just try and rest let your body tell ypu what to do and follow it …its really hard in the early days…why after a routine procedure or do you have no clue what went wrong ?
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Liro
Totally agree,hate this life without my husband,
I try to go out for a walk when i get overwhelmed,
My husband cousin has been good to me we go out once a week shopping or for meal ,
She has been so supportive,
Take care
Hugs x😘
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I know I’m lucky. I have tremendous support from friends and family.
But they can never fill the void that has been left in my world.
My whole world has been turned upside down and somehow I’m expected to start a new life, a new normal.
My life will never be normal again, and I dont want to start a new life, I just want my old one back.
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Sheer ack of care and complications that were not medically addressed or picked up in time. My darling died in hospital 6 days after the procedure.