Its been 2 years since I lost my sister and I am still struggling to get my life back to normal. My sister passed away unexpectedly in her sleep at the age of 43 leaving behind her 11 year old daughter who is now being brought up by our other sister. I wake every day and still feel numb its like I have lost a part of my soul. I feel empty and I hate this because I feel I should be stronger for my kids but I cant find a way to get back to normal. How do people cope? I dont know what to do.
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Hello @Leeann82,
Thank you for so bravely reaching out to the community. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. It sounds like you are struggling with her loss, which is completely understandable.
You are not alone. We have many members who have experienced the loss of a sibling and will understand some of what you’re going through. You can read conversations our members have shared on our Losing a sibling category page.
You may also find it helpful to read our Losing a sibling page on our website. It talks you through some of what you might be feeling, and how to cope.
I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Take good care 
Alex
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Hello Leeann
Bless your heart, how awful for you losing your sister in such an unexpected way. There’s no wonder you’re still numb. I lost my sister 2 years ago too, but she was 63. I too feel lost, she was my best friend and we were more like twins, there was only 18 months between us so we’ve been pretty much at the same stage of life together, she was with me all my life.
I had some Sue Ryder counselling which was arranged through my GP, it was hugely helpful.
I just wanted to say I know how awful it is to lose a sister.
Take care x
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Hello Gilly,
Im sorry for your loss too. Similar to yourself she was only 18months older than me and we were so close aswell. Its a struggle most days to try and smile to keep everyone else going but I think im at a stage where I cant keep it in any longer. Thankyou for reaching out and telling me of your own experience. I think I am going to look into talking to someone because I cant talk to my family about it im quite a private person. Did you find it made a difference for yourself?
Hi again
Yes, absolutely it helped me. Straight after she died in the May I thought it wouldn’t really help so although my GP offered to refer me I said I’d let her know if I felt I needed it. Like you I was completely numb and felt literally like half of my soul had been ripped away - bit dramatic but that’s the only way I can describe it. 6 months on I realised I was still bogged down in the awful feelings so I asked to be referred probably 3 months after that.
I do still feel like that, the talking doesn’t take all that away, but just offloading to somebody who I had no history with and could say everything to made me feel lighter each time. I’d also got other stuff going on relating to my sisters husband and his behaviour after she’d died which were making things worse, so being able to just say it all out loud and listening to the counsellor’s responses has helped me to unpick it all, understand the feelings, realise what bits I can control and what I need to let go, and sort of start to learn to live without her.
I had 6 hour long sessions over the phone, but about another 3 months on I realised I was struggling again so as she had told me to request more sessions if I felt I needed them, I got in touch and had another couple of sessions which put me back on track.
My GP had also talked to me about antidepressants, and at that point I decided to try them to help me see the wood for the trees. I was prescribed Sertraline which really helped too, it sort of cleared the fog I had and helped me sleep too, which made me feel more able to manage.
Of course it’s not a magic wand, I’m not saying it’s easy and it’s pretty exhausting at first, it rakes it all up but honestly, talking about it will help. Can I also say if you don’t already know, that there is new scientific evidence that crying releases so much stress and even washes out chemicals that the stress builds up in your body after an event like losing someone, so don’t bottle that up! I take myself off for a bath and a good cry when I need to!
I’m happy for you to keep in touch, please ask for some help though.
X
Thankyou for getting back to me. My gp unfortunately has never suggested seeking help just at first prescribed me diazapam. I was already on anti depressants. I took the diazapam for a while because it did help me to sleep. But it didnt help me when I was awake so I stopped them. They give me sleeping tablets now because that’s when it feels worse but I dont want to be reliant on anything. I have 3 kids who need me to be able to function! Its took me ages to realise i need to try a different way to be normal because what I have been doing so far isnt helping at all. X
It might be worth you going back to your gp & asking to be referred for counselling, or google if there’s a Sue Ryder counsellor in your area. I really think the counselling would help.
x