I have never joined anything like this before but im desperate as im scared im going to take my own life i lost my sister 2 weeks ago she was 43 she went to sleep and didnt wake up but i have so much guilt because the night she went to sleep we had a big argument and things were said in the heat of anger then the next morning i got told she died i went awhile before the autopsy came back thinking i killed my sister that she took her own life because of my words but it turned out there was no cause of death she simply went to sleep and didnt wake up like cot death but i still have this guilt because i will never be able to tell her how sorry i am and how much i love her and now my neices wont speak to me and im most likely not welcome at my sisters funeral i need help i feel so lonely like im better off not being here anymore i dont no where to turn
How awful for you Claire.
Please know that it wasn’t your fault. Also that it’s normal to have these feelings of regret about things that were said and unsaid to our loved ones.
Look after yourself
Thankyou for the reply it really means alot!
Hopefully in time your nieces will understand it was nothing to do with the argument and sadly a tragic loss.
I hope that you can go to the funeral. Can you take someone along who will be a support to you?
I dont think i would be welcome they have shut me out of all the planning of the funeral and ignoring my messages.
That must be so hard for you.
Whilst I understand you wouldn’t want any hassle at the funeral it would be a pity if you didn’t get a chance to say your goodbye.
Perhaps you could take some one and sit at the back? Why give them all the power?
However if this feels too difficult for you can you find your own way to yay good bye that would be meaning to your sister and you?
Just my thoughts
Thinking of you
Im going to say my goodbyes on my own once i find out where she has been buried i can not forgive my neices and i dont think i ever will my sister was more like a mum she pretty much raised me and the heart break im feeling i am dealing on my own as my family have not been there or reached out to me.
That is so sad but your sister will always be with you and your nieces in time will realise it wasn’t you fault sending love x