Loss of my sister

Lost my older sister in October of last year, we were extremely close and i was with her for every appointment and treatments. We always knew it was terminal but her death still has had a profound effect on me, I feel like I’ve changed personality and my approach to nonsense has all but disappeared,
We lost our mum in our early teens, and although I had a good relationship with our dad her own was tenuous and they were quick to judge each other. We lost him 5 years ago. I feel overwhelmed by her loss I also feel like a fraud, as she had children and grandchildren and their loss is acute and far surpasses my loss. I have a husband, children and an adored grandchild.
The loss of her creeps into my bones, I feel paralysed by her loss, but equally I am putting on a brave face acting normally when inside my heart is breaking. I miss her kindness, she tethered me. Now I feel so afraid.


Hello @Dolly36 ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


Hi Dolly

I was touched by your ability to articulate your feelings following the loss of your sister. My sister died in November last year, and the cause of death has not been established, so I’m awaiting the inquest next week. The dynamic of losing a sibling is very complex, and, in my experience, very different from the death of a parent. Please try not to “feel like a fraud” as your feeling are as valid and vital and deserve equal acknowledgement to those of your sister’s children and grandchildren. Grief is so subjective, and I don’t believe any two people share the same experience. My sister had significant mental health issues all of her adult life, but I learned so much from her. I hope your family are giving you much needed support. Sending you my blessings and love …

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