February 2020 I lost my youngest son, aged 29. It may be coming up to 5 years but the pain and despair remains. Not only has it been the hardest experience of my life but due to COVID and lockdowns I had to deal with everything with very little advice or support. No family gatherings, not able to physically support his siblings, arranging his funeral and dealing with his estate, whilst living on my own in enforced covid isolation. I’m angry that the pandemic took away any opportunity for his family, friends and colleagues to acknowledge what a wonderful, well liked and loved person he was. I feel I have let him down. My 2 remaining sons have disengaged from me, they are angry that I made decisions they don’t agree with, they didn’t offer any support or help at the time but are so quick to judge and hold me to account. I’m so sad and miss all 3 of my boys so much
I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through. Maybe you could write your sons a letter explaining how you feel? I think a letter is more personal than a text or phonecall. I hope the situation can be resolved and you can grieve together as a family x
Marie ,I’m so sorry for your loss .I also lost my only child to suicide in 2020…
The pain we go through is unbareable.
People don’t understand unless they have been through it …
None of my family supported me and within a year of losing lee ,none of them speak to me anymore.
I have only a few friends but they also don’t understand and they can’t understand why I’ve totally changed as a person .
I will never be that woman I was before I lost lee …
I’m here if you want to chat privately as I know how hard it is trying to navigate through without them xx
So sorry to hear about your loss. It’s a terrible experience mothers do not ever want to go through. It’s true unless you have experienced it you will not understand the pain.
Your words resonate so true. No longer am I the go to person who has the answer, the first aid kit, tissues at the ready, ideas for a gift, words of wisdom and bounds of energy. I’m a shell that just gets through each day. Sometimes without a hitch or wobble but not often enough. I cannot cope with responsibility anymore and relationships have fallen by the wayside
There is no Happy New Year for us
I have so many times tried to put pen to paper but the words don’t come or I panic that they will be negative in response