Loss of my son to cancer aged 31

Hi I lost my son Richard in December and every day is a struggle if find it am either crying or anxious. I just feel so empty and lost. I do have another son who is also suffering but I just can’t help him. I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive but is also struggling. I just want to know if anyone can help me cope with my loss.I am seeing a councillor and am on Meds from my gp I just don’t know what else to do.its worse when my husband and son go to work and I am on my own that’s when the anxiety kicks in .

Like you I too lost my son Christian in December…life stopped for us the day Christian died and we are now existing day to day,but whatever we feel we have to accept he is gone and will not come back and the pain of that acceptance is unbearable but some how we have to cope with it…I think of Christian from the moment I awake until I go to sleep at night he is constantly in my thoughts and never leaves me…but life has to go on…We have Christians two dogs whom he loved dearly so we try and get them out everyday which he would have wanted us to do and though it was an effort at first I now am beginning to enjoy those walks and actually found myself laughing the other day at their antics…small steps hopefully leading to bigger ones… I also get very nervous and dreadfully anxious on my own but I accept it’s all part of the grieving process hopefully this will pass in time…Don’t try and rush things to much if you feel like crying than cry I cry all day sometimes it is still very early days…What you are feeling is very very normal it shows the depth of love we have for our children no matter what their age…Big hug… Marina xx

I know marina49 it’s is so very hard to believe that Richard has gone .into have been crying all day today and feel so down he was my first born and I saw him take his first breath 32 years ago and in December I saw him take his last breath .I feel like I am just lost xx

I know it’s so hard to accept but accept we must… I saw Christian well and healthy on the Wednesday spoke to him on the phone on the Friday when my husband went to see him on the Monday he was dead the shock sent me slightly overboard…I now get very nervous of the dark especially if I am on my own and if my husband or son are just two minutes late coming home I am phoning to see where they are but hopefully this will all pass in time…one minute life is so happy and care free and then in seconds it can be all taken from you…I doesn’t seem fair…xx

I am the same I am anxious all the time when my husband and son go to work and I am watching the clock constantly. I find it very hard going out on my own and just go to the shops get what I want and come home. I do have a part time job but I can’t even face going back at the minute. I just hope things will improve a little bit soon. I know Richard would hate to see me like this but I can’t help it .is know it won’t happen but I just want to see him xx

It’s knowing you can’t see them that you so desperately want to .Christian never liked having his photo taken so I have very few photos of him and I find this very upsetting…I also find it strange that I have never dreamt of him once since he died but I think perhaps your body has to get over the shock of losing them…xx

I have photos of Richard all around my house he got married in June last year after a clear scans result so I have wedding photo’s but I cry every time I see them .he was so young and full of life it just seems so unfair I would have swapped places with h in a heartbeat
I just don’t know how I am going to get through this xx

Hi Mirlos, I think that is something we all say constantly, how do we get through this, it is just so very difficult. Obviously acceptance is a big issue, but I can’t get my head around that, it just feels so surreal. We are all so different in our thought process, I’m still trapped in my daughters period of illness, the pain and suffering that she had to endure, and how the horrible cancer ravaged her body and through it all she was so brave. It’s coming up to six months since she died and I still feel the same as I did on that day… I have never dreamt about her but people say that’s your mind giving you respite, as I’m tortured every waken moment… it’s all so unfair and cruel… Take care, love and big hugs sent to you xx

Hi Aunya I feel the same as you all I can see is what the cancer did to my son he suffered so badly even with the morphine. He went to skin and bones and couldn’t eat towards the end.I don’t think that I will ever except his death in just can’t I know it’s very early days since December but it feels like a lifetime xx

I find I am having trouble sleeping lately even though I am prescribed medication for it I was awake at 02.00 up at 4.00 feel tired but can’t sleep to many thoughts going round and round in my head and having a cry at the same time…xx

Hi Marlos and Marina, yes we are so tortured by our thoughts, you feel you are on the edge a hairs breadth from insanity… up until Christmas I was up all hours functioning on very little sleep, but then I seemed to shut down and for three weeks wouldn’t get out of bed, even now I go to bed about 8pm and don’t get up until late, I feel if I’m in my room I’m shutting the world away and not having to see life go on, or deal with it, but then you are lying there tortured by your thoughts,it’s a vicious circle and a cruel one, you feel so trapped within your mind… Love to you both, hugs xx

From Christian’s death on the 4th Dec up until the other week I was in bed by 7pm every night even on Christmas day and I would sleep until 10.00 the following morning the doctor had told me to double up on the sleeping tablets…I could not wait to get into bed close my eye’s and drift away it was the only way I could find any peace…Life changed so dramatically in a matter of minutes for me and now I get nervous of what the future may hold…

I know what you’re going through I lost my only child Daniel on 24th November 2016 it was a complete shock it wasn’t expected he was 33 he died from deep vein thrombosis 3 weeks after having an operation I miss him every second of every day I’ve got his ashes at home with me I talk to him every day I cry all the time

Hello Charliedan…I know what you mean by a complete shock because we also lost Christian very suddenly just before Christmas 2017…I do not think there is any pain greater than losing a child because you always expect to out live them and when that child goes life seems to go with them…Christian is in my heart more then ever and always will be… I talk to him every night just before I get into bed and I tell him everything that as happened that day and every night I light a candle for him I panicked one night when I realised we had run out of candles so I had my husband and I going around the shops until we were able to find one…I am so sorry Daniel was your only child I hope you have family and friends to help you with your grief…Take care…Marina xx

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