I lost my son in June . I have struggled on having good days and bad days . I have had great support but today new COVID measures came in to place and I feel like the rug had been pulled from under my feet and I’m feeling quite anxious.
I can’t begin to imagine how you are feeling, but send a virtual hug your way.
Thank you x
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Dear Lizzyb
I too lost my son in June suddenly, he was 22, I haven’t been able to work since…I am absolutely devastated and heartbroken, I don’t know how to carry on. He was the life & soul of our family & we were so close. His brother was his best friend and my heart aches for him. He’s so quiet & I’m so worried about him. Life will never be the same, I feel helpless. Do you have other children?
Sending love and strength to you & all of us on this horrificly sad journey 
xx
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Lizzyb
I meant to say that I’m so sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you xx
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I’m pretty much the same and with being furloughed I haven’t worked since March. Work has been very understanding and I’m due to go back on October 13th but I’m only going to be doing two days a week. I have three other children who are all coping in different ways and we are desperately trying to carry on as Jack would’ve wanted us to. It is very difficult … Some days it’s just totally impossible. I have counselling once a fortnight which is a lifesaver and I highly recommend it . All I can say is that I have my sons voice in my head telling me to live my life and when I feel I can’t cope I can practically hear him tutting . He was the most positive fun loving person I’ve ever known and he wouldn’t be impressed with how I’ve been for last few months but it is just so so difficult. I hope you find a way to get through this awful time , like I said I’m trying to do what Jack would have wanted me to do . I wish you well x
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Thank you. I know Ryan would not want us to be so sad, but I feel so desperately sad, I miss him so much, I can’t believe he’s gone 
I wish you well too Lizzyb xx
Hi rach and Lizzie
I lost my dear son in June aged 23 and his sister ten years before, feel so sad all the time my remaining daughter is 25 she has been home for a few days which has lifted us but she’s going home today our house feels so empty I have so much time on my hands which I hate but can’t concentrate on anything, I have a lovely job in a little boutique 2 days a week which I’m so grateful for , I feel sad when I’m there but it does give me a purpose, hate sundays now , wishing you strength for the week xxx
Hiya, thank you for your lovely kind message. It was my husband’s 50th on Thursday, our best friends made us dinner which was lovely. We watched a film & felt so so sad that our beloved Ryan was not there. My sister and her husband came from Wales to stay. We had a lovely time seeing them but such sorrow and sadness. Tom our other son who is 26 went out for the first time today since losing his brother to air soft which is like paintball. He loved it & I was so happy he enjoyed it. I came away this evening with my best friend and her 20yr old daughter to stay with her mum on the Isle of Wight. We’re staying until Wednesday. I felt very tearful and anxious about leaving as I didn’t want to leave my husband, son & dogs but forced myself to as I know Ryan would want me to. I’ve got his photo and bandana/scarf thing to smell/cuddle to give me comfort.
Beginning of last week I had about 3-4 days where I hardly cried at all & I was thinking to myself I was being weird. Thursday onwards I have sobbed so much I guess it is as people say a torrent of waves. It’s been just over 3 months now but still feels like it happened today 
I miss my precious boy so much & believe I’m still in shock. Sundays are the worst day of the week in terms of remembering. We are waiting for our referral to come through as we all need genetic testing on our hearts.
@Jayne2 have you been able to find out anymore information on your beloved son, any reasons/cause?
Sending love, strength & hugs to you all as we navigate through another painful sad week xx
Hi rach and Lizzie
Struggling through another week I keep doing normal things then it hits me again that pain twisting in my chest and I remember it’s real it’s just so horrible, How did you get on going away to the Isle of Wight? I hope you managed to enjoy some of it and it’s good your other son is starting to go out, I really feel for them my daughter is 25 she has already lost her sister and had received counselling and was doing really well but now loosing her brother she is really struggling she is so scared of so much and feels very alone, people keep telling me I must get used to my new normal, but I don’t want to I want my old life back I just want my dear boy back, I can’t even look at his photos the pain is just so bad, it’s not bloody fair is it , I don’t think we can ever get over loosing our children our lives have changed for ever, let’s hope we find ways to cope take care xxx
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Hi Jayne2
I’m on my way back home now & while I’ve had a lovely time with my friends & my friends mum the pain inside is so crippling. Like you (it’s not even a conscious thing) my mind sometimes tells me everything is okay but moments later the flashbacks and the pain tell me otherwise. I’ve had several breakdowns but they’ve all been very understanding and supportive. Like you though as people don’t know what to say, they say you’ll get used to your new normal…how to they know & actually no we won’t, we have been given a lifetime sentence that has changed us forever. I’m so low & down, life without our precious children is terrifying & horrendous. I just want to go to sleep & not wake up. For the sake of my other precious son & husband & sister I have to find a way of carrying on.
How are you both doing? What have you been up to?
Sending love and strength to you & everyone xx
Where in the South West are you? I’m in East Sussex in South East.
I’m so grateful to have contact with such lovely people on here that so sadly are in the same heart wrenching situation xx
Hi rach
That was a big step to go away with your friend I’m due to go away with some girl friends in a couple of weeks and also feel apprehensive, I’m worried about leaving my husband who isn’t coping well ( as well as loosing 2 children he also lost his parents at a young age, he’s always been very strong but this time has completely floored him, which is also hard to see) I’m worried I may get really emotional and have no where to scream and sob, about them all talking about their children which is like a stab in the heart and have to smile and pretend it doesn’t hurt, for being so miserable they’ll never ask me again! And I don’t want to spoil it for them, we’re going to Cornwall for a girly break. I live in Devon, I don’t know East Sussex that well although my daughter went to uni in West Sussex, I understand when you say you want to be with your son I too long to hold my dear boy I love him so very much but we are still mums to our remaining children and we sadly must find a way to live in this world with our beautiful sons it’s so so hard, take care xx
Hi Jayne
Lovely to message with you again. It was a big step & I am glad I went, I did laugh & I did have fun, sadly not in the way I used to. My friend who I went with is my best friend who I have known for years & she is so supportive. I was able to cry whenever I needed to. We stayed with her mum who lives there. My friends 20year old daughter came too & my friends sister who also lives on the Isle of Wight spent loads of time with us. We saw 2 of her grown up children & her grandchildren they also have dogs which I love (we have 2 dogs). On an occasion when it was too chaotic for me, I took myself to my room to have some time. I spoke to my husband & son each day which helped. I hope when you go away you will perhaps be able to do something like that. Hopefully your girly friends will be understanding as best they can & allow you to be & do whatever you need to, to enable you to have fun but also time to be sad/cry when you need to. You can also take yourself off & come on here to message. I for one will do my best to try & message you with encouragement if you are struggling. Just let me know when you are going & I will be sure to come on here to message with you.
Since being home it has been so hard as the reality just floors you. It has been lovely obviously to see my husband, my other son & my dogs. My son & I were chatting & he said he feels like the past 3 months have been so traumatic & is so sad there are many more years of this without his precious brother. It broke my heart hearing him say that as there’s nothing we can do to change it.
I’m so sorry for your husband too as losing his parents when he was young must be so difficult for him.
Does your daughter live at home with you?
Wishing you a peaceful night & sending love and strength to you & everyone here xx
Dear lizzyb
I lost my son in January I’ve never felt pain like it I haven’t been back to work yet try and stay strong my family are having counselling which I think is helping a bit I’m new to this but reading what people are going through the same as you might also be a help sending you all the love from my family to yours
Hi Gary lizzy rach and everyone that’s posted ( not meaning to leave anyone out difficult if reading several threads to remember who’s involved on that particular message)
Just to welcome you to this awful club none of us want to be in, such a painful time for us all with not much prospect of it getting any easier Sending love your way hope you get some comfort from this site take care xxx
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