Loss of my wife

I recently lost my wife to leukemia. She was diagnosed in May and passed away beginning of Sept this year. She was and still is my whole world, we did everything together and trying to get through each day and night is so so difficult. She was my light, my rock and the heart of a loving happy family. We had been together over 33 years, 29 of those married bliss and i know its hard to believe but we never had any kind of arguement, yes dissagreements but never argued.
My wife was a fun loving happy person who honestly loved life, she was caring to everyone and as a wife and mother was without doubt perfection. She was 57 when she passed away, she didnt want to go but in the end said she had given all she had to give and told me she was taking the easiest option as she had nothing else to fight with.
I promised her id carry on for sake of our son all be it hes a grown man now, and i will keep that promise however each day that passes is another of tears, heartache,pain and disbelief. Everyone in the family feel robbed and cheated but the thought of her at peace and painfree keeps us sane.
I talk to her each day and night always hoping for a sign or answer and live in hope one day i will get just that.
Life can be cruel and often is but the loss of someone so close and loved at such a young age is without doubt the worst of all. Each of us on this site are lost and suffering and no doubt will continue to do so but life goes on dispite our sorrow. A hard part for me is seeing couples together and feeling cheated of that perhaps thats a normal reaction, i just dont know

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Hi there. Your last question. I can confirm it’s normal to feel cheated. I am going through this more now than when I first lost Brian. My husband was also a caring, thoughtful man and liked by everyone, there was nothing to dislike about him.
Like you we didn’t have arguments, just disagreements that lasted no time at all. Just before Brian died he said that he had learnt to handle me. He simply changed the subject if I went off on one. He was right you know I often wondered why any disagreements were over so fast.
Nothing makes any sense does it, and I find myself using the word WHY all the time. But I am now twelve months along and try to remember that we had thirty years of happy marriage. I was loved and cherished by a man that loved me for who I was, good or bad. All that you are suffering is part of grief, it’s what we have to endure for loving so much. I think of my tears as Brian reminding me that he’s still around and if they stop then I will have forgotten him.
Do keep talking to your wife. I talk and write to Brian every day. I tell him what I have been doing and how I feel. Some days I am lost in my grief, others I see a glimmer of light.
I had never given the spirit world a thought before but now certain that Brian has come to me on many occasions. When it happens there is just peace and happiness. Keep looking and I’m sure she will come to you, she sound a lovely lady. How can a love such as yours come to an end. I don’t believe now that it does or ever will. We all say this on the forum. Tiny steps and take each day as it comes. Some will hurt like crazy and others will not be so bad. It’s a case of accepting the many up’s and down’s that is thrown at us. Some say it’s like waves. Some waves knock us over, other’s we can paddle through.
Good luck xxx

Hi Pat. As always your posts touch a chord with me. Like you it’s 12 months since my wife died. Is it any better? Yes it is, but not as much as I thought it would be. They told me give it a year and you will be fine! Now in my case that isn’t true. Yes, there is an improvement in my outlook, and the light is still there, but at this time of year I must be patient. All the festivities going on all around sound so hollow. They did last year and may well do so again.
I came upon this the other day.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a sign of weakness but of strength. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love”

When we feel sad and weep, maybe we should accept it as an expression of the love we had and enjoyed for so many years.

Hello Jonathan, I too was told that time would make it easier. I suppose it does in a way but the grief is still so intense but there are break through’s. Today I bumped into one of Brian’s old workmates and we was able to laugh at some of the things Brian said. He was a quiet man but had a dry sense of humour. No tears but smiles from me. The tears came later, yet again.
Gosh, tears a sign of strength. I suppose they are. I like to think that they are for the love of my husband and he’s reminding me not to forget him.
This is the weekend I have been dreading. It was suggested that I did something that Brian and I enjoyed doing so I went on a long walk early this morning to get back before the threatened rain, a walk that Brian and I did often and I think the last one he managed. I then went into town and sat in a church for a while. Tomorrow I will take flowers to where his ashes are scattered in the cemetery and plant some more spring bulbs Can’t go to the Crematorium as it’s a Sunday and locked up. Think I’m probably better left on my own and asked family not to come.
Yes, next it Christmas to get through, I did walk around the roads last year with the dogs and quite liked looking at the lights and tree’s. They did cheer me a little.
No presents from me I’m afraid. Might send a couple of cards to people that have remembered me this last year. Money or vouchers for kids and close family, can’t be bothered with it.
Take care
Pat xx

So sorry for your sad loss,I lost my wife of 40 years in July the pain and emotional loss is just unbearable at times,since joining I have received lovely kind support from kind people who understand the pain,these cold dark nights are such unbearable without our lost loved ones.
Take care Mike

I dont think time is a healer, in fact the longer for me this has gone on is getting worse…the thought as it goes on is the final reality that Richard is never ever coming back…he has been away far too long now…

You are right Jackie,I feel the same way,it just feels worse each day,but we have to try and adjust to our loss,I’m not sure how,I feel at times my Christine will walk through the door.

I miss her so much she was my everything .

Take care X

I lost my funny, talented, kind husband aged just 60 in May. I had been with him since he was 20 - nearly all our lives and we too never argued. Did not always agree but he was our rock too and brought the laughter and the music into our home. We were looking forward to more time together - just us with the children now grown. He was taken suddenly - no time to say goodbye - called out goodbye in the morning when I left for work, spoke briefly on the phone at lunchtime and that was the last time. He was not ill, no warning although a feeling of dread had gone through me that morning - why I had no idea but it lasted perhaps 30 seconds. We too were happy and I never realised how much others thought of him until afterwards - he was definitely the better part of me. I too think we were just too happy - we used up our share of happiness.

We know how you feel on here - it is bloody hard, There is no other way to say it. I am coping with the help of my friends and children. For me it is keeping busy but I never know when the tears will come. I try to pretend he is in another room - it helps. I still cannot accept he is not coming back - I do know really but think it is my way of coping, I try not to think of the future and just take it a day at a time. The advice I took in the early days was to make a list each day - no matter how mundane and tick things off; to write my thoughts to him in a journal - I still do this and it feels like I am talking to him. I went back to work in August - it helped - apart from the journey there and back it distracted me.

So many kind people on this forum who listen and reply to us so we know others feel like we do and offer help and wise words. Please take solace that you are not alone - we are many.
xx

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Tricia…
…i know when my tears will come, every day…i have not had one day without crying, shedding tears or going to pieces as i talk, reflect on our past together, get angry with God, with my Richard for not listening to me when i told him to mention something to his doctor, he pushed things under the carpet hoping it will just go away…
Tomorrow 11th November will make seven months to the date I found my Richard dead at home sitting in his armchair…

Jackie…sending a ((( hug )))

Pat…
…same here, hand on heart as i say this, my Richard " was liked by everyone…"

Dear Jackie

I think we all cry every day - and will do for a long time. It just cannot be helped - but I try to take control of it as quickly as I can - because Gary always put me first and visa versa. I felt the first morning after I lost him - the strongest feeling of him saying ’ I am so sorry love’ - so knowing he is still with me in my heart and as I want to believe in spirit - I apologise too - usually saying the same - I am sorry love I cannot help it -dry my eyes and get on with anything I can to distract me. I know that your circumstances are different - because work helps me enormously or I will call or text a friend - or sort out a cupboard - distraction works for me.

Gary and I never really planned - we were always take it a day at a time people - live for the moment- enjoy the day and see where we end up. I am still like that- I take what enjoyment I can and savour it - it may only be drinking a nice cup of coffee looking out at the sunshine, or it may be treating the children to a meal out or a new jumper.

Life will never be the same - but for Gary and our children I am doing my best and can see how far I have come in the last few months. Getting through Christmas and his Birthday will be a challenge - but however we do it will be for him. Never the same but the very best I can do and will be forever grateful for the life we had together for forty years. I know how fortunate I was and am compared to so many.

Take care dear lady

xx

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Hello, I lost my husband last December very suddenly, he collapsed in front of me and my Granddaughter, he had a heart condition that we didn’t know about. He was only 55, the ambulance fought to save him all the way to the hospital I was sitting in the front of the ambulance watching it all, I’m a dental nurse and we do CPR training every year so I knew what the outcome was going to be.

I’m 54 with two grown up sons, I’m heartbroken for us all, my boys adored their Dad and so did I. We’ve definitely been cheated from the future.

I sometimes feel like a freak to be a widow at my age, I’m dreading the one year anniversary and Xmas but I always try and be strong for my family. I think what you’re feeling is perfect normal.

Kind regards Sharon

So sorry for your sad loss,this will be my first Christmas without my lovely wife who sadly died in July 2019,due to lung cancer,we were married for 40 wonderful years together.
It’s so lonely without her,you are not alone in your grief.

Take care X

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