Loss of my Wife

It will be OK for you Michael and DON’T be afraid to let them tears flow i have the long lonely nights also it is a Bad time of year for us all in this situation Good Luck and i hope it all goes well for you.
And my Best to You Michael x

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Hi Ken,. I am so sorry for the loss of the your wife. I lost my Jean on the 9th of January to covid. I can’t believe she is gone and every day I cry for her. We were married for 52 years. I feel like I let her down by not protecting her and that I couldn’t even say goodbye. We were both in the same hospital but on different wards. We were both expected to die but l
pulled through I didn’t know she had died until seven days later. I feel raked with guilt that I’m still here and she’s gone. My children have been wonderful but I end up with this awful sadness. Barrie

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Hi Baz and Thank you for your Thoughts Covid is a Horrible thing for any one to have and for the 2 of you to have had it has got to be Heart Breaking.
To have been married for 52 years it has to be Heart Breaking for you as you are the one who is left to try to pick up the pieces.I am in that Situation as it is now 16 weeks Today that my Wife Elaine was taken from me and like yourself my Grief is Unbearable i won’t be up to Christmas this year but i do know My Sweetheart did enjoy this time of year we have 2 Fantastic Daughters and they have been Good for all they are Grieving themselves .I think Loneliness is a reality that neither you nor I will be able to get over for a Long Time as i am so Lost not Hearing her voice,Her Laughter,and Her smile was my Pride and Joy she will be so Missed as you will be missing Your Wife i have been attending Bereavement Councilling for the past 5 weeks and i joined a local Bereavement Group and without them and Listening to other people who are in the same curcumstances MEN and Women,of all Ages i would not have been in any Frame of mind to cope,i have a strong feeling that my Elaine is still with Me as she always has been,I shed tears of Grief and being the Macho Man have Broken Down in both of the Bereavement Group they understand as they have been through it. What i did Learn from the people who are there is that Guilt is what we Feel when we are looking for the Answers But we will not find those Answers as Guilt is a natural reaction when we can not Defend our Loved ones,i have had those Feelings but on your Situation you should not feel Guilty but YOU WILL at some stage try to come to Terms with it.As i was saying to Michael we are at a cross roads in our Lives,We knew but hardly ever think about it but one of us would have Died first we are the ones that will have to carry the Grief so don’t you think that you are not Protecting our Wonderful Wives as this Grief that we are carrying will not have to be carried by them so in some way we are protecting them as This Grief can be Totally Unbearable and we ask ourselves,Iam Protecting My Wife, and Women will be doing exactly the same thing.
We are all left with this Awful sadness, this Hopelessness and i am Frightend by it but my Wife will Help me rise above it as she did when she was Alive we are all going to have to Dig Deep Barrie we where left to pick those pieces up i am pleased your Family are supporting you and i would recommend a Bereavement Councillor and a Bereavement Group go see them there is nothing to lose i thought i would be ok but i found out i was NOT.
Best wishes
BAZ

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Thank you Ken,I am not afraid to cry in front of people,I think it helps.Yes bad time of year to be alone,long dark cold nights without the one you love is very scary.Still getting panic attacks now and again,have to call a friend to talk to when that happens,this being alone and grieving is getting worse for me now,not sure how to cope with it. Take care Michael x

How did you get on with the local group you met up with the other day Michael?
I hope it helped you.
It sounds like you have some good neighbours too.
I’ve just woken up and it’s SO DARK isn’t it?! That doesn’t help with our mood either.
Is it worth ringing your GP/Practice Nurse for some help with your panic attacks?
Thinking of you and hope you find something that will help you to cope a little and ease your pain slightly, Janey xx

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Yes I went to the group last night,they were very nice and we talked and listened to each other,it helpped a little just to be with people for a while.I do have some good neighbours ,they come to see me when ever I ask them.Hate this time of year ,yes these dark cold mornings are horrible.Another lonely day ahead,try to get through it uhtil tonight then back to bed and safety.I have seen my GP and she was very nice,gave me some sleeping pills .Thank you for caring Janey. Michael x

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I am feeling pretty low again this morning,I suppose the bad weather and darkness do not help.I am feeling very lonely again,I jusy keep thinking about Judith all the time and how special she was,I miss her buzzing around the house ,I just miss her full stop.I hate this life now without her,my future unsure,scared of being alone at my age ,family have their own lives ,do not want to be a burden on them.Wish I could be with Judith again. Much love Michael x

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You won’t be a burden though Michael, your family will want to help you. It’s such a sad situation to be in and we all understand what you’re going through.
Hope you get through this morning, then this afternoon, then tonight, just a step at a time.
I understand how hard it must be for you.
Much love, Janey xx

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Hi Janey,yes I am suffering badly ,I do not seem to be making any progress with my grief,in fact it is getting worse.I am missing her more than ever now,we were together 32 years and I was not prepared to lose her like this,that cancer is horrendous.I watched her suffer for weeks in hospital and was with her when she slipped away ,I was so traumatised by that and still are.Thank you for caring Janey much love to you Michael x

7 weeks in after 44 years married. Feeling exactly as you are. You are not alone.

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Hi I am nearly 9 weeks in from losing my darling wife Judith to cancer.I am not coping with grief at all ,it seems to be getting worse.I cry loads ,howl out for her,I miss her every minute of every day. I am alone and I know we have great support on here from all our friends but still very much alone .Empty house and empty life. My darling would be cooking our Sunday roast about now ,but that has gone for ever.Frozen ready meals for me nowadays. Sad and unhappy man . My best to you all today Michael,x

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Yesterday was my 70th Birthday and i went for a meal with my 2 Daughters. I Missed my Sweetheart Elaine it would have been something we would have All done together for all i was with my 2 Daughters i knew it would not be the same and i very much Doubt if that will change i have Christmas coming up and i was pleased my Birthday is now behind me Christmas will now never be the same and i will be pleased when that just comes and goes this year.
The Loneliness this time of the year is Horrendous especially on an evening but i cling onto my Belief that my Sweetheart will be looking out for me she is my Pride and Joy and Forever will be in my Heart.
KEN21

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Happy birthday ken for yesterday it’s nice you had a nice meal with your daughter’s I have gone out for a meal last year and this year for my husband’s birthday in his memory with my children I’m 65 next year it will be hard not spending it with my husband I want to do something special either a holiday or a party .

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Hi LMUCHMORE,
Thank you for the Birthday Wishes.
I just wish my Elaine had been here for it but it was not to be, i just keep asking the same Question why us i guess lots of people in this situation ask the same Question.We did have a Holiday Booked for the 6th September this year but my Sweethearts Funeral was on the 2nd of September i would have given anything to have had her Home.It was not to be. I hope you can decide what you want to do on your 65th Birthday as i dare say it will be a Hard one for you to make?.
Love to you x
KEN21

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