I am so sorry soxy. I hear your pain and your fear. Your writing reveals that you are well-educated, surely there is a spot somewhere for you to find fulfilling and fun work. Try to manifest it through your subconscious. Write on a card next to your bed “I am gainfully and happily employed” read it quietly 10 times, then out loud 10 times when you wake. Reverse when you go to sleep.
It’s all I got.
Hugs from New Orleans.